(Closed) Share your awkward RSVP/self-invite moments!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 92
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

For our wedding we had a few hiccups with invitations…

1. Random extended through 3 marriages “family” member cornered my mum in Costco telling her how much they were looking forward to our wedding, that they’d heard all about it through a friend who was invited, and that if my mum could call me to ensure they were invited, that would be swell. I told my mum that there was no way in hell I was inviting this person I met once, 10 years ago, to my wedding, and that if I HAD been thinking about it, them trying to invite themselves would have changed my mind.

2. My Maid/Matron of Honor was originally going to bring her 2 kids, as well as her plus-one. Fine…I invited the plus-one anyway because I assumed that would be who would watch her kids during the ceremony and getting ready. Then Maid/Matron of Honor asked if we could also invite her mom, because her mom would be watching the kids. Fine…no problem, it’s my Maid/Matron of Honor. I did up another invitation for her mom and sent it, with the RSVP stating that one place had been saved for her. She sent the RSVP back saying she was bringing somebody. I called Maid/Matron of Honor asking her who she thought she was bringing, and she said her mom didn’t know yet, but would likely bring a girlfriend. Erm…no. I had to shut that down pretty fast….then she called and said she’d no longer be attending, and then Maid/Matron of Honor decided not to bring her kids.

3. DH’s aunt and uncle did not RSVP. We had a semi-destination-wedding, and this couple was actually the closest to our venue than anybody else (they’d have to pay $20 to take a half-hour ferry). We sent our invites early and gave a pretty lengthy period of time for RSVPs. Upon following up with them regarding their attendance, they informed me that they were not sure if they could attend, they’d get back to me. This was fine a couple of months before the wedding. The month before the wedding I asked them again if they were coming….they said no, they’d be camping in California that week. I struck them off the list. A week goes by, and I get a call saying they MAY be able to make the wedding after all, but will get back to us with a definite answer in a week. The week goes by and we hear nothing. I call again, telling them I need an answer for the venue for catering, they say they definitely cannot make it, take them off the list. Then like 3 days before the wedding I get a Facebook message from them saying they can make the wedding – could we save them a seat, find a campsite close to the venue for them, and get them a ride from the ferry to the venue 2 hours before the wedding, and also arrange a ride back to the ferry after the wedding? I politely responded that the final list had already been sent, we already had our catering and liquor invoices in hand, and that we could no longer accommodate them at the wedding…..but that we were having a family BBQ the following weekend at my parents’ house (a different ferry ride away from them) and they were very welcome to attend that, AND I would personally pick them up from the ferry on the other side.

Post # 93
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, my bf awkwardly invited me to attend 2 weddings this year when he clearly hadn’t been given a +1. I asked him if I had been invited when he asked me to go with him and he said yes. So while we’re flying to his colleague’s wedding I ask him again “are you sure I’m invited along with you?” and he’s like “yeah, at first I didn’t see a place to put your name in online, so when Tom and I were playing basketball the other day I asked him about it and he asked his fiance and she said only married couples but we’re good” I was so mortified that I asked him about the second wedding and he goes “yeah, kinda the same thing, it was weird but I just wrote your name in at the bottom because they didn’t leave space for it, you were def. invited, they love you” smh.

Oh.my.Gah. Men. I swear. lol I don’t even like weddings so I would have been perfectly fine at home. I scolded him jokingly but he truly didn’t get it lol “why would I go to a wedding halfway across the country by myself?” At least he’s an amazing gift giver. *sigh*

Post # 94
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@crystalrae:  I did something similar..  

My Fiance was invited to a destination wedding in New Orleans.   not sure if a +1 was included..  he asked his friend if I could come, and they said yes.  

I can’t imagine anyone having a destination wedding would be upset by a guest bring their significant other?  really expect someone to get on a plane and stay in a hotel by themselves when their SO could come along for the vacation?  it’s not like they’re driving 20 minutes and going back home that evening.

oh well, luckily he wasn’t in the wedding party so we sat together.   it was a pretty small wedding.  only 3 non-relatives besides the friends in the wedding party, including myself.   hopefully they didn’t mind.   I had fun in NOLA!  


Post # 95
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Apparently, one of my parents was telling everybody at my sister’s wedding about my wedding next year. It seems they forgot to mention that my venue’s capacity is about 150 smaller than my sister’s, my per person cost (all included) is more than double hers (she got a very good deal), my Fiance has at least double the # of guests that her husband did, etc. because:

  • My grandmother’s cousin’s cousin (or cousin’s cousin’s son) looked disgruntled the whole night and repeatedly said how important it was that he, his wife, his 2 children, their spouses, and their children be invited to my wedding. One of the spouses was in jeans (nobody else at the wedding was) and I hadn’t seen his 2 adult kids in so long that I had no clue I was over a foot taller than each of them. Somebody told me we ‘re his only “family” but dang, he’d mean inviting 8 additional ppl when I know none of their last names and don’t even know how to spell most of their first names either (or haven’t met them). 
  • At least 2-3 other ppl who’d have at least 1-2 plus ones each also said they expected to be invited. 
  • Of course the 2 ppl there who actually are on the list of ppl I want to invite if there’s room were gracious and said nothing about my wedding.

Yes, these ppl are really trying to bully me into giving more invites than we have space for or I guess I’ll suffer their wrath if I ever see them after? Keep in mind I never got an invitation to any of their kids’ weddings or to theirs (maybe they did some general “family” invite to my parents, but I’ve lived in another state for over 10 years and never heard about it), they’ve never had my address or phone #. I just don’t get it. 

Post # 96
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

@Shkragoldfish:  Stick to your guns. When an invitation never comes they should get the picture and if they don’t, blame the venue. Goodness those people are rude.

Post # 97
7 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

@crystalrae:  It’s terrible that happened to you! It’s strange that you two live together and have been together so long and his friend didn’t invite you. It’s rude to invite a person to an even and not the spouse/live in girl friend. My I first started dating my fiance, he insisted I came to his cousin’s wedding with him. I am queen of etiquette, so there was no way I was going to that wedding until I got full confirmation from the bride and groom that is was ok. He was so clueless! SMH

Post # 98
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My FH’s SIL is in my bridal party as well as his sister.  I invited them to be involved to be nice and I wanted to include his family.  The SIL’s parents are invited.  SIL has a brother that I have met once and FH cannot stand him.  SIL TEXTED ME and said it was so odd that he wasn’t included on the parents’ invitation and just “had to ask” since she was sure it was a mistake.  WTF.

I’d rather pay for the meal than start up a sh*t storm right now so I lied and apologized for the “ERROR”, added him and it was taken care of.  AUGH.  Talk about being backed into a corner.

I was pretty frustrated with some of the response cards I received back when they finally started coming.  My response cards were unbelievably simple.  Literally,


Number of guests attending _____

I got loads of them back with no names, but luckily I had read about that ahead of time and coded the back corners of the cards.

My favorite was one that came back with no return address and no names on the line, and on the line for NUMBER OF GUESTS ATTENDING was…a check mark.

Scholars, I tell you.  Scholars.

Post # 99
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I love reading all these stories.  Makes me realize I’m not alone in dealing with the crazies. 

So I initially didnt plan to invite my first cousin – which I only see on holidays and we have never been close.  My uncle, (mother’s brother) gets wind of this and says if his daughter AND her baby daddy arent invited, then he’s not going.  Fine, I invite her to keep the peace (mostly for my moms sake.)

Guess what?

Cousin gets the forced invite and has a fit bc I didnt invite her three children (under the age of 12) to the wedding.  I hardly wanted to invite her in the first place, let alone her three kids.

I’ve had it with them.  You cant please everyone, I tell ya!

Post # 100
9 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

I love this thread!! And don’t feel so alone now… I’ve had a few:

1. The wife of my friend, who expects me to book her a room at the venue. I say no. Then she finds out that I’ve booked and paid for a room for Maid/Matron of Honor and my children which is not only for staying in but is for some of the wedding party to get ready in. “Oh me and husband will just bed down in her room” – again no, you won’t. The room is charged per person. She has stuck her oar in several times, and even suggested that I should have asked her instead of my friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor because she thinks she will do a better job. No, you will try and take over. See above for demonstration…

2. Fiance runs his own business and a proportion of that business comes from bars and pubs. He’s invited some of the licencees that he he has a close business relationship with. One of the licencee’s customers overheard the licencee talking to my finace about our nuptials. She approached my fiance and expressed how hurt she was that she didn’t get a save the date, but the licencee did. Fiance said he felt sorry for her and she wasn’t horrible about it and said perhaps we should invite her, but I couldn’t believe the nerve of her. She’s a customer who drinks in the bar. Yes, my fiance and I speak to her if we are in the bar doing business, like we would speak to any punter, but that is the extent of our relationship with her. I put my foot firmly down and said no. If we invite her, then where will it end? All the punters in pubs forming our wedding guest list in favour of our friends? No, no, no!

3. Fiance’s mate: “Can I get a plus one?” He’s not seeing anyone, but wanted one anyway. Presumably to invite whatever random is in his life at that particular time. Err, no. 

4. Someone who used social networking to publicly annouce that she and her husband wouldn’t be attending the wedding. Well, really? Her husband openly spewed a torrent of foul language at a member of my fiance’s famliy after the family member got upset at racist comments he made (she is married interacially). When I asked him to stop, his wife ran her mouth and suggested that my marriage won’t last. Did she really think, after that display of abuse that an invitation would be extended to either of them?! Get. Fuckin. Real. 

By the time I get married, I’ll be commited in an institution…

Post # 101
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SkyChick:  We have had two.  The first- a good friend  of mine whom I don’t see often anymore because he lives a few hours away– was over for coffee a couple months ago.  We talked about the wedding, and somehow it came up that we really weren’t doing +1’s unless there was someone who didn’t know anyone.  Turns out there was no one who needed a +1.  So RSVP’s were due Nov 1.  A few days before, I sent a text to my friend.  It wasn’t to ask about the RSVP, it was just to say hi and see how things are.  He said “I’m definitely coming to the wedding, I just don’t know about a date yet.”  The conversation was winding down, so I didnt’ say anything- but honeslty it is awkward.  The next day he sent me a text that confirmed again “I’m coming for sure, just waiting to hear back from Katie to see if she can come, too.”  While I was slightly annoyed, him mentioning Katie made it slightly easier for me- she’s a girl who, while I never would have invited her on my own- was part of a group I used to hang out with daily a decade ago.  I totally wouldn’t mind seeing her- still haven’t heard if Katie’s coming, I’m just hoping it’s her and no one else!

The second- can be read here.  This one pissed me off (pardon my language) (partiallly because it arrived on the wrong day)- and I do plan on talking to Fiance when he gets home today from his bachelor party that was last night!

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