Share your experience about marrying an encore groom!

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I’d love to hear some stories, too! My SO was married before. It definitely wasn’t a good experience. He calls it the “practice round.” It’s something I’ve definitely struggled with, too…

Post # 4
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Fiance was married before, and while I feel bad for the pain it caused him I also feel lucky that it didn’t work out.  She had an affair six months into the marriage, so he definitely has had some issues with trust.  I had a long term relationship that could have been a marriage, so I kind of view our experiences to be similar.  

He wanted to elope at first, but I explained to him how important it was for family to be there and to celebrate.  He agreed that a smaller destination wedding wouldn’t work since we have elderly grandparents who wouldn’t be able to make the flight – and we wouldn’t want to deny them the experience to celebrate with us.

His family has been very open about “the girl before me”, but they have never compared me to her in a negative light.  They are always saying how thankful they are that he met me when he did.  

If anything he says that his previous marriage helped him to know what to look for when he got married again.  He took his time and was more careful about analyzing me, which was hard at first, but I understood his reasoning.

Those are just my personal experiences.

Post # 5
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

This is DH’s second marriage.  I basically didn’t want to know anything about the first one and when I did hear things, tried to do the opposite.  But that was just my issue  I don’t think he was really involved the first time around, so I made sure that he was extremely involved this time.  I think that’s important.  There are definitely reasons why marriages don’t work out and starting things off as a team is really important IMO.

He annoyed me one time, when we were registering telling me all the stuff he chose the first time (that’s where I went in the opposite direction at all costs!).  She got it all in the divorce so it still made some sense to do it again, but it was a bit weird.

Whenever there was weirdness it only came from my insecurity; he was excited and reassuring at all times! 

Post # 6
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am marrying an encore groom.  We both wanted a really nice traditional wedding and the FH was the one that wanted it to be very formal and he is all about the wedding etiquette.  He hated his first wedding and in his words ” a cheap trashy classless wedding”.  Literally, he hated every aspect of his first wedding ( he wore white tales, I mean come on ). 

He wanted this to be very special and rememberable.  He has been involved with every aspect of planning, but he usually trusts my judgement.  I have mentioned a few whimsical ideas but he nixxed those (except the arm wrestling table, but that was my mothers idea).  He is taking all the parts that are his parts very seriously.  He made my ring and is upset because the stone couldn’t be mounted, right now he is working on an art piece that we will use for appetizers, and he has started on the cake topper.  He even wrote the whole ceremony.  He is also working on the first dance choreography, we are both ballroom dancers and he wants it to be amazing.

 

Post # 7
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

We are both encores and neither of us had the wedding we wanted the first time around, so we are both very excited this time, and we do joke around about getting it right this time. We have been together for almost 11 years, so we pretty much know each other inside and out. He had voiced his opinions about things, but mostly leaves everything up to me because he knows that what I want is also what he wants. I always ask his opinion about things and, if he has an opinion that differs from mine, we discuss whatever it is and then decide what we are going to do. For the most part though, he just lets me do what I want because he knows the end result will be worth it.

Post # 10
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Miss Marine:  Oh, no, I choose the guys cloths.  The FH has zero fashion sense and he knows that I am very fashion conscious, I put them in Calvin Klein tuxes that we bought.  OMG, they all look amazing!  He never buys his own cloths without me, not even underwear, because the ones I buy are soo soft and comfy, LOL.

Post # 11
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Miss Marine:  I won’t be a stepmother when marrying, as my Fiance doesn’t have any children.

Post # 12
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@tksjewelry:

Lol @ white tails

 

@Miss Marine:

My FH’s ex also cheated on he as well just ‘gave’ her everything in the divorce to just wipe the slate clean. We are living in the house they bought (he bought her out) and have a few things they had together, but I am actually really glad she took the majority of everything! (especially the bed! LOL) but I wish she had left us the BBQ. :p

Here is a small thread I started that revolves around some of what you’re going through.  Not sure if it’s of interest, but I thought maybe ๐Ÿ™‚

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/destination-wedding-advice

Good luck with it all and congrats ๐Ÿ™‚
 

Post # 14
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I married an encore groom and am an encore bride!

My dh is the greatest!  He has never talked of his wedding to his x and never once wanted to make me feel there was at all any comparison whatsoever.

We both had large weddings when we married our ex’s (both were cheaters) and we had originally planned on having a wedding with about 75-100 people there and it was to be in FL at the beach..but an oil spill happened last summer and the exact area was quite affected so we had to change gears and re-plan with about 2 months to go.

Honestly, there was no stress whatsoever about either of us having been married before at all.  No comparisons.   As far as family blending, we’re lucky.  He loves my child dearly and I love his kids.

We’re very very happy and blessed.  

Post # 15
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

In fact, the only time we were really concerned with the “exes” was when we filled out the paperwork to get married and they asked us on the paper to fill out information regarding our past marriages (like when we divorced).

Other than that it was fine!

Everything is in how you look at it.  I was so happy to be marrying somebody who is there for me totally, and vice versa.

He doesn’t mention his life before much, as I don’t really talk much about mine either.  Both our exes were pretty much jerks all the way around, and nothing productive can come from talking about something negative.  It is a night and day difference, now vs. then.

Congratulations to all encore brides and brides with encore grooms and encore significant others!

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

My partner was married before and I start feeling anxious whenever we are talking about weddings and I find out how similar my taste is to his ex’s. I dont want what would be my ‘dream wedding’ to remind him constantly of the first one, but I also dont want to go out of my way to deliberately choose things super different that I don’t like as much. Also I’m a bit aprehensive about his friends and family comparing them with comments like ‘last time they did this’ and ‘here we go again’ etc etc… did anyone else feel like this? How did you deal with it??

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