(Closed) Share your funny stories as a new parent

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My daughter is 7 weeks old and she makes this amazing/creepy/adorable squealing noise when she poops. Everytime without fail. It sounds like a dinosaur so my husband calls them her dinosaur poops. I figured it would get old by now but I still pee myself laughing everytime she poops because the noise is completely hysterical!

Post # 3
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Poop stories are always great mommy talk. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I feel like that is all we talk about some days!


In the middle of the night our 2nd daughter was just not having a good time. Didn’t want to eat, sleep, or anything. Just wanted to cry. I gave her to DH to hold for awhile so I could rest. He started to freak out and talk real fast. “What’s wrong with her?! Is she going to do this every night? I have to work in the morning! I can’t work if I’m up all night! What are we going to do? What are we going to do?!?!?!?!” Eventually she fell asleep and that was the last time she was up like that since she was only 2 days old and my milk came in so she was full full. We crack up at this story still. Just the sheer panic of a new dad!๐Ÿ˜†

Post # 4
11050 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Love this thread. Keep the stories coming! 

Post # 5
3003 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
candy11:  My son was about 7 months and was having a wonderful time trying food. He had a little carrot juice with his dinner and loved it. That evening my husband and I decided to have a nice romantic evening by going to bed early for a sexytime. We were juuuust about to start doing the deed when I heard our little guy start coughing and it sounded weird. I went into his room to check on him and he was awake so I picked him up. He promptly puked on me and it was orange. And I was completely naked. I called for my husband to come help me so he ran in, also naked. He got our son in clean jammies and was holding him while I changed the sheet and wiped down the mattress pad in his crib. Then our son puked again, all over my husband. So more new, clean pajamas. Which he again threw up on, and he managed to hit the fresh clean sheet as well. So another new sheet and new pajamas. Since I’m a first-time, naively optimistic parent, I assumed he was all puked out and we were in the clear, but no, there was still MORE PUKE. It was like the Exorcist, except it was orange. So one last clean sheet and pajamas, but by then we were running out of sheets and digging in his closet and running down to the laundry room looking for more, both still naked. Needless to say the sexy mood was dead and after we got our poor little guy all cleaned up and settled we took a quick, un-sexy shower and fell into bed exhausted and defeated and pretty sure that we would never have sex again because parenthood.


Post # 6
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
MrsAKSkier:  This is hysterical! So well told!

Post # 7
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My son’s 6 months but I had to chime in. Last weekend was the first weekend we visited some friends in my hometown. My friend has a queen bed in her room and a twin in her spare bedroom, so whenever she has guests that are a couple, they stay in her room and she takes the spare room. We’ve done this many time pre-baby, but this was the first time post-baby. We brought our travel crib and set it up on the big fluffly rug in her bedroom. But my son had an ear infection and was inconsolable in the night, so we brought him into bed with us and he breastfed on and off all night. When we woke up in the morning his diaper had leaked through and had pee on the sheets and on the mattress! My husband changes the baby and lets him crawl around while I pull off the sheets and start trying to soak up the pee from the mattress. He goes to get some cleaner and comes back and notices that my son has pooped in his diaper, it blew out and it’s now on the rug. Worst houseguests ever! I felt so bad. We got things cleaned up and my friend was very gracious, but geez baby! Cna’t you save that stuff for home?

Post # 8
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

When I was still in the hospital after my older daughter was born, I had the nerve to ask a nurse when she thought I could have sex again.  


Her reply: “You hit a home run!  Why run around the bases again?”

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