Post # 1
I thought it could be fun for us to share our advice/words of wisdom for dealing with waiting.
I have been officailly waiting since New Years when SO promised that we would be engaged by the end of 2012. Since then, I have learned a lot and I have realized that waiting is HARD and sometimes I need to quit actin’ crazy. 🙂
Share your waiting words of wisdom/ advice below!
Post # 3
I can start…
Remember in SATC when Charlotte & Harry get into a fight about him not proposing yet? It leads to their breakup and even though they do get back together & eventually marry, I think there is an important lesson there.
After a few drinks, I had my own Charlotte moment and said to SO something along the lines of just do it already!. SO was visibly upset and suggested that I settle down. I thought about it later and vowed to remember to…
CALM DOWN and let things happen. Nobody wants to be pushed into a proposal and nobody wants to be proposed to as a result of so much pushing.
Post # 4
Easier said than done, but just to stop worrying about it. It only took me two years of waiting, but I’m in a totally zen state about it right now and I wish I would’ve stopped worrying about it sooner. I needed to trust my SO when he said he would propose, and realize that it isn’t a race to the finish line. It’s not really going to change anything, so as long as I know that’s path we’re headed on I’m happy to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Post # 5
Save for wedding while you are waiting. You are going to need those dollars, trust me!
Post # 6
Continue to live your life. Don’t get stuck in the limbo of “waiting”.
Post # 7
This is all really good advice so far: I think my number-one advice would be to use this time to prepare–not just for the wedding (though it’s great to start getting money saved up, getting ideas together, etc.) but even more importantly for the marriage. Learn to communicate. Not sure where you stand and if a proposal is coming sooner rather than later? Talk about it. I’m not engaged yet but I know it’s coming this summer because we’ve talked about it–a lot. We’ve talked about a lot of things: graduate school, what we want to do about our families and holidays, about budgets, about savings, about money: about all sorts of things that are going to be important for years to come. You don’t have to be married or engaged to start thinking about these things: and more importantly, talking about these things. I’ve heard time and time again that communication is key to a good marriage: and why not start now?
Post # 8
@RapunzelRapunzel: Great advice. Communication is so important! And you def want to start your marriage off on the right foot.
@armychica06: I agree. Save money and maybe try to change your spending habits. We have started to curb our needless spending- eating & drinking out, etc.- and put that money in a savings account instead.
Post # 9
I too got anxious and waiting nearly drove me mad. We looked at rings in July of last year and I thought with our one year anniverary in August, we would be engaged. Well it didn’t happen and that drove me to a pretty depressed state. But as months went on, I realized a lot about myself and what was important to me and to us.
As the other posters have said, enjoy the NOW. A lot easier said than done but hopefully it’ll be your only time “waiting” on a ring. Enjoy the time with your SO. You are in a relationship, one that is hopefully heading towards marriage, there must be something going right. Enjoy it.
Learn to about you. I learned a lot about myself between the time we went ring shopping til months later when he proposed. Good things and bad things. There is always something that you can work on within yourself and your relationship. I worked on being happy with me (i had a lot of self esteem issues) and when I felt better about myself, our relationship got a ton better because I wasn’t only focused on him. It really became about me, him and us. If that makes sense.
Also, i took up a lot of hobbies. Haha. I would read, draw, go workout, anything and everything to get my mind off of it. I even thought about taking a cooking class or an art class. Whatever floats your boat. HEy you can even find something to do together like a dancing class or bird watching.
Whatever it is, just enjoy yourself and your relationship. 🙂
Post # 10
What I’ve learned so far – stop pushing SO and stop talking about it! Sometimes wedding vomit happens, but keep it to yourself or share with someone NOT your SO! Someone like your mom or sister who knows you are just impatient (like me).
Post # 11
Don’t go to extremes. YES, you need to talk about wanting to get married with SO- it will spawn some very needed conversation and help you guys get ready for the next step. HOWEVER, when he does say he’s ready (and you believe it!) stop bringing it up. I made that mistake when I was waiting. I was so excited when I knew he was ready to buy the ring and then bought the ring. I talked about it endlessly! Looking back, my motives weren’t wrong- I was genuinely excited and wasn’t nagging him at all. However, it was like watching a pot of water boil. It didn’t make things easier on him either and although our proposal was still special to us, sometimes I wonder if he did it so quickly after he got the ring to shut me up!
Post # 12
Although Weddingbee is an amazing place, don’t get addicted to it and browse it every 5 minutes of your life. You start to mindlessly talk about weddings non-stop and irritate your SO. I went through that haha.
I realize now I am STILL waiting, a bit more patiently than before, but I see how much pain I brought to myself wondering and worrying about it to the point that I would make myself sick and burst into tears! I’ve just made an agreement with myself that I deserve to be wedded, and I love the man I am with. . .so if he doesn’t get the idea in a reasonable amount of time, I’ll propose to him! It’s outside of my norms of thinking, but I”d rather propose to him than giving him an ultimatum and leaving him should he not fulfill a “deadline.”
Be happy, relax, and if you’re resenting your SO at any point in time, it’s time to re-think what you really want and when you need to have it by, or what you can do about it!
Post # 13
I think the most important things to remember are as follows:
1. Don’t stress! The most important step in waiting. The more you stress, the more you get upset about it, the more upset you get the more you start overanalyzing the situation, the more you overanalyze the crazier you get, and the crazier you get the SLOWER the time passes. Let’s face it ladies, we’re ready for engagement WAAAAY before the guys are, so some of us are playing the waiting game for years on end. Stress will only make this time seem like an eternity!
2. Go ahead, indulge a little! If some minor future wedding planning helps to (temporarily) satisfy the pangs of waiting (or some engagement ring browsing, or some WeddingBee gossiping), I say go for it. Whatever helps to keep you sane and happy! And I’m sure when the actual wedding planning begins you’ll thank yourself for already having a slight head start! 😉
3. Focus on yourself! This is the best time to do your own thing. Want to eventually start exercising before the big day? Join a gym and get started now. Get back into painting or drawing or photography. Hang out with your girlfriends more. Been meaning to read that new book everyone is talking about? Go for it. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. And trust me, there’s nothing a guy notices more than a happier, and sometimes less available, girlfriend. 😉
4. Know that you are NOT alone!!! Your friends and fellow Bees are always here for you! <3
Hope this helps ladies. 🙂
Post # 14
waiting sucks its been 2 years for me, we have been dating almost 6, but I know in the end it will be so worth it 🙂
Post # 15
I Love this thread!!! Its so helpfull to be reminded that everyone stuggles, but not to get carried away.
I’ve been “waiting” since the beginning of December. I’ve learned its not a race. I want SO to propose when he feels its the perfect time to. I want him to be proud that he did it on his own and decided the time was right.
I’ve also learned that engagement does not equal a happy relationship. I’ve seen tons of people get engaged before me so far, and alot of them were just doing it because it was the next step or they didnt want to start over. I want to get married because he is the one and i want to have a life with him.
I’ve learned not to put pressure on EVERY event thinking it will be when he proposes!!!! BIG TIME! We went away last month and had a horrible time. I was depressed because i was hoping he would propose, he was angry i was upset. I will NEVER do that again. We are going camping this weekened and i am SO excited. Not because i think he will propose, because i cant wait to spend some quality time with him. Dont put proposal expectations on every event.
What i’ve learned from this thread? START SAVING NOW!! So i will
Post # 16
As the proposal nears, don’t let the beast of the wedding industry consume you! It is easy to get distracted by thoughts of sparkly rings and pretty dresses, but remember that at the end of it all it is the marriage that is the most important thing. Savor every moment.