(Closed) Sharing BFP with friends dealing with fertility issues?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We tried for 22 months before we got a sticky baby (2 miscarriages). I was still happy for my friends who got pregnant during that time. In case she is having a bad day, I’d tell her before they come stay with you so she can mentally prepare if she needs to. So probably call her, or even email if that is your normal mode of conversation.

Post # 4
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not in your situation, but I have heard that giving them the news casually over the phone, can be a good way to go. In the event they do have a little trouble controlling their emotions, over the phone allows them a little room to fake it while respecting the friendship enough not to lie or let them find out via social media. Also, I wouldn’t tell them anything about wanting them as legal guardians just yet. GL!

Post # 5
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KH:  +1. 

My BFF got pregnant the first month off BC and they weren’t even trying to get pregnant.  She told me in person, and while I had a gut feeling it was coming, it still hurt.  We had been texting all day, and I honestly wish she would have told me in a text first so I could have gotten over the initial shock, rather than try to mask my emotions in person.  Obviously, I’m over the moon excited for them and wish them nothing but the best.  Your friends may be sad for themselves, but they will truly be happy for you as well.

Post # 6
Member
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@PlusOne:  I am feeling the same way 110%

Darling Husband older sisters been trying for 7 years: 5 MC,  2 baby’s (my nephews) were delivered at 4 months due to different medical issues that made for a not viable baby. -2 different pregnancies- then two months ago they got the news that an infection post birth ruined her tubes and they can only have a baby via IVF now. Which is going to cost them $15,000

i feel so so so guilty, getting pregnant and I have no idea how I will tell her. When Darling Husband twin sister gir pregnant last year. His older sister was so upset… Happy but became very distant to her sister. It was painful for both of them, I am so close to Darling Husband older sister I don’t want this pregnancy to hurt our friendship. It’s so hard

. I am glad you posted this because I was going to write a similar post in the pregnancy board. :,( 

Post # 7
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have a friend who was TTC with her husband when he became ill with cancer and then passed away. Most of my friends knew but I decided not to tell her because she was out of the state with her husband getting treatment when we found out. I ran into her at Old Navy of all places a week after the funeral because I was looking for maternity tops so I was in the maternity section. So while we were talking it came up (no I didn’t jump up and down and scream I was pregnant). Her eyes watered, she looked shocked. She said “You’re pregnant too??” (Another one of our friends was pregnant and due within a month at that time). I said yes. She let it sink in and she told me she was happy for me. And you know what? I knew she was. We didn’t dwell on it. We continued to talk about how she was doing. We actually stood there and talked for like an hour and a half. Now when I see her she asks me how me and baby are doing.

Like you I was really worried about her finding out and the timing REALLY sucked and I know she was hurt. But I didn’t take it personal that she was hurt because she had just been through A LOT… and I knew that eventually she would be happy for me (but I wasn’t looking for her to do so)

So… maybe feel them out. If they are looking at you sideways because you’re not drinking then maybe you can tell them. Even if it does sting I think in the long run they will be happy for you.

Post # 9
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It might hurt her at first or take time to sink in, but a friend would never begrudge a friend happiness. Now it infuriated me when I was stuck in bed after my m/c and saw some random teenager of a friend was pregnant, but that’s different. I have never been anything but happy for each and every one of my friends no matter where I was during the TTC process. 

Post # 10
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@PlusOne:  I would wait until they leave unless it’s obvious that you’re pregnant.  They are probably going to be somewhat upset by the news and will need time to recover and doing so under the same roof would be uncomfortable.  Wait until the all clear at 12 weeks.

Post # 11
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We “only” took 19 months to get pregnant, and never got any definitive news that it was going to be hard for us for a major specific reason, but I always appreciated hearing this kind of news via email.  It just gave me a little minute to be in a funk without having to face the person telling me, and get happy for them again by the time I spoke/saw them in person.

Post # 12
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

My brother and sister in law had been trying for three years before they got pregnant. Darling Husband and I started trying around six weeks before we found out they were pregnant. We were so excited when we got the news, as we’d been dreading getting pregnant first and having to tell them.

 

They’re bound to be upset, and they’re probably dealing with a lot of stress from trying and different fertility treatments etc. If I were you I’d tell them if they ask when they’re visiting this time (i.e. if they question why you’re not drinking), but otherwise tell them over the phone / by email in advance of seeing them in July, so they have time to prepare themselves mentally. Also, I’d make sure you tell them before telling any of your mutual friends, so they don’t find out from someone else.

Post # 13
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@PlusOne:  I wouldn’t mention it to them especially since you’re very newly pregnant. When you’re further along and decide to tell them, definitely don’t do it in person. A phone call, email or a text would be best so they have time to process it.

I’ve had three miscarriages, one of them I found out about at my 12 week ultrasound. When people announce to me that they’re pregnant VERY early (especially people who know about my MCs) I feel especially hurt. I’m not saying my feelings are justified, but that’s how I feel.

Post # 15
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree, tell her boforehand…while I”m not okay with blasting it to the world and on FB right after a BFP, I think close friends will know somethign is up, and trying to hide it is never a good thing, and while she may be sensitive to the news, she will ultimatley be very excited for you but you should allow her some time to process that so that she can get to that point before she arrives! 

Post # 16
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@PlusOne:  As someone that has been TTC for years….I can pretty much guess how your friends will react. You mention that you’ve considered them as guardians for your child so that tells me how you feel about them. 

I would personally like it if you told before I spent the weekend w/you. If we were just going to dinner, I’d probaby go home and cry afterwards (sorry but it’s bound to happen) but since they are staying with you, I think you need to tell them. That way if it’s too painful, they have the option to stay elsewhere or not come at all. 

They WILL get over it…we all do and they’ll be thrilled for you but it still doesn’t mean it won’t enforce the fact that they’ve failed at doing something that seems to be so easy for others to accomplish <- that’s how I feel when I hear pregnancy news.

Also, as someone that is named as the sole guardian (in their will) of a young family member of mine….it was an honor when they asked me. They knew I’d been TTC and said they couldn’t think of a better mother to their child than her own. If it’s something you are serious about, I’d wait a while before I asked them. 

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