Post # 31
Husband and I only told our parents when we found out we were pregnant, and were relieved to have not told more people when I miscarried about two weeks later. I ended up telling two friends after the fact to have some support. I feel conflicted about it-when we get pregnant again we will probably do the same thing (just immediate family), it is/was (just happened last month) such a painful thing that I think ‘untelling’, as some bees mentioned earlier in the thread, would just prolong the feelings in a way I didn’t want. That being said, I wish that as a culture we talked about miscarriages more. They are common and often heartbreaking, and in some ways I wouldn’t have minded more people knowing, if only so that we could have shared some experiences with each other. So much of the few weeks that I was pregnant felt like a secret, which was fun at times but also frustrating at others! Good luck to you Bee!
Post # 32
Do what feels right for you, bee. Go and spend some time on Google looking at the chance of miscarriage each week, and see what makes you feel comfortable. If you tell family and go on to miscarry (Heaven forbid), you don’t have to personally call each person to “untell” them. I’m sure you can ask your mums to let people know.
I have a friend who lost her baby at 22 weeks, so there really is no guarantee of anything. At that point she had obviously announced her pregnancy, found out the gender, etc etc. Huge blow to her and her boyfriend, but it did mean we were all able to support her through her loss, and are still able to a year on.
Post # 33
you should tell if you want to. life can happen at any moment, just share when you are comfortable. that being said, while it is nice to tell in person i see nothing wrong with wanting to wait and phoning the extended family.
Post # 34
Do what feels right to you. I told family around 7 wks (it was Thanksgiving and I was SO SICK – they had to know why I was not eating), coworkers around 9wks (again, I was SO SICK and needed to vent about puking all day). We haven’t announced it publicly, but I’ve told some friends – it’s fun to share the news and include them in the circle, and I would want their support if I had a miscarriage.
My mom gets really soap-box-y about this, saying that it’s perfectly fine to share when it’s early if you want to include people in that part of the pregnancy. And my husband pointed out that if I miscarried, I would need to reach out to the same people I’ve told, so I’m fine with my decision. Good luck making your decision!!
Post # 35
I shared our first pregnancy at around 11 weeks, and our second at 10 weeks. We lost our second (MMC) and found out about the loss at the 12 week ultrasound. I had facebook announced, and the day after my D&C my husband and I decided it was time to ‘unannounce’. Honestly, it was SO hard. For us though, we had an incredible outpouring of love and support, of shared experiences, shared tears and shared sorrow after our loss, that I wouldn’t have had if we’d decided to go through the loss alone.
You’re excited now, and it’s OK to want to share. If you wind up losing this pregnancy, there’s absolutely going to be some people who don’t know what to say, or for whom things might be awkward, but at least for me the people who loved on us and cared for us afterwards made the early share and being able to share our loss less painful.
Post # 36
I just went through a miscarriage last week at 8 weeks. I had told probably 5 people before this. Every single one of them has been so supportive and helpful during this process. I am also glad I didn’t tell anyone else- basically just people I knew I would need if something bad happened. I would do the exact same thing again (and hopefully will soon!). We did end up telling family and a few more people after the loss, but it was nice for it to be on our own terms. Honestly though, do whatever you’re comfortable with! I have a friend that just found out she is pregnant and told the whole world at 4 weeks. Seems risky to me but might be right for her!
Post # 37
I was dying to tell people at 5 or 6 weeks into my pregnancy, because it was so shiny and new and exciting. After that point, I was kind of glad we’d kept the news to a small group (my sister and 2 friends). It was actually really fun to have that secret with my husband.
Unfortunately, at our 10 week ultrasound, we found out that the baby was gone. I am SO glad now that we didn’t tell anyone. It’s heartbreaking when I get a spam email from some baby website that I forgot to unsubscribe to – I can’t imagine trying to hold it together if someone I didn’t realize knew asked me about it a few weeks later. On top of that, my cousin announced that she was pregnant at a holiday family gathering last weekend. Due the same month I would have been. As much as that was a punch in the gut, I wouldn’t want my entire family to feel like they had to tiptoe around me, had they known.
Anyway, that’s just my experience. Still a bit raw, can ya tell? 🙂 Just be careful – I know announcing at Christmas is really fun and exciting, but heaven forbid the worst happens, it could end up hurting more than you think.
Post # 38
If all does well at my scan on 12/20, we’re telling our parents and immediate family over the Christmas holidays. I’ll be 7.5 weeks when I’m with my in laws and 8.5 weeks when we tell my parents. We don’t live close to either set of parents and we’re looking forward to sharing the news in person. We won’t be telling more people for awhile after that. If I hit 12 weeks we’ll start telling close friends in person when we see them. Not sure about any social media post ever, but if so, probably not until like 18-20 weeks.
You have to follow your heart on this. Nothing you do will impact what happens to your baby. If you experience loss, which is all too common, you’ll make it through. If not, you’ll have a lovely Christmas memory. And everything everyone has expressed so far is valid. Maybe I’ll regret telling anyone if something goes wrong, but a part of me wants to live with the positives and deal with the negatives if they come. And congratulations 🙂
Post # 39
is right, of course. You’re going to get a lot of doom and gloom with a question like this, just because those are the people who are most likely to share their stories. But most likely everything will be fine! No matter what you choose, enjoy it as much as you can! 😊
Post # 40
I’m not that close to my extended family, so this was a non-issue for me. I made a general announcement on social media at 3 months, and some family are my friends on facebook, so they may have found out that way. My parents may have told others personally; it didn’t really matter to me if they did or not.
Post # 41
My relative miscarried right before a holiday gathering. So someone close to her contacted relatives coming to the party, let them know, and spread the word that she didn’t want to be bombarded with questions. If something happens to your baby, you should not have to explain to your relatives over and over.
Post # 42
We had a miscarriage in the second trimester. By then, everyone knew I was pregnant. One of the worst parts was going back to work afterwards. Everyone was talking about me, even people I wasn’t friends with and barely knew. It was like that for about a week. People quieting down when you walk up to them. Awkward or pitying looks. It was hard. I would wait. Particularly since you don’t know if it’s a viable pregnancy yet.