Sharing pregnancy news with friends TTC

posted 7 months ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t describe in what ways your friends have reacted. Are they angry? Avoiding you? 

But I think you’re overthinking it. Just don’t flaunt it and treat them as you ordinarily would. They will react how they react, so I don’t think special treatment is necessary. 

The only think I would ever suggest is texting to share news with couples you worry about as then they can react how they want to in private and process the news before coming face to face with you. 

Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

littlebuzz :  ditto on the texting. I would prefer to be texted, as someone struggling to conceive dropping that news on me on the phone or in person would be difficult for me. 

Also ideally don’t complain about your pregnancy in front of them. Seeing someone complain, even very legitimately, about the thing you want most in the world is tough. Find other people to support you with any pregnancy related worries or difficulties.

Post # 4
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

1. Share message by text not phone or face to face.

2. Forget trying to give advice or reassurance…unless they very explicitly ask for it.

 

Sorry I’ve just reread your post and realised youve already told them so that’s probably not the advice you are looking for.

If you are looking for advice going forward, just carry on your friendship as before. Don’t avoid them but no need to bring up your pregnancy in conversation unless they do. If they want to/are ready/are able to hear about your pregnancy they will ask you about it. Otherwise just continue discussing other things happening in your life and other topics you would have chatted about before getting pregnant. Again, most importantly dont give general advice/reassurance/platitudes.

Post # 5
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

night0wl :  I think you should text the 3 year + as a courtsey, so they can absorb the news in private.

For the rest – I would just announce as normal.  

Honestly, any happy event in our lives can be someone else’s personal struggle.  Relationships, career, family, health etc.  I don’t think you should over think it too much.  Enjoy your pregnancy!

 

Post # 6
Member
7764 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Totally agree with pp: re sharing the news in a text or email with anyone you think would have a hard time hearing it.

I’m also confused about why you would be offering advice to these couples. Have they asked for it?

Post # 7
Member
6621 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Don’t offer advice. As someone who it took 9 months to get pregnant and I was using every tracking method in the book… If it only took someone a few months and they tried to give me “advice,” I would give them the biggest eyeroll. At that point, we had tried EVERYTHING. Most people know a fraction of what I knew, especially if they were trying for 4 months or less.

Post # 8
Member
6621 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Also, I want to add, just being what your friends need to hear is most important. If they express their frustration, say “I really hope it happens for you soon” or “I hope this is the cycle for you!” Don’t say, “It will happen when it’s meant to be” or “You know, it can take awhile, we just got lucky” because it will really put them off. If they get pregnant, be excited for them. If they get their period again and they’re devastated, tell them it’s okay to feel that way.  They’ll be feeling a whole slew of emotions. I just wouldn’t overshare your pregnancy.

Post # 9
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Noooo on advice unless they ask. 

Do not under any circumstances ever mention how it happened sooner than expected for you. Even if you were somehow asked directly the question “so did this happen sooner than expected for you?” I would still say “ehhh well you know…*non-commital noises*” Like seriously this is the #1 thing to stay away from in this situation, other than perhaps “It’s in god’s plan”. 

For pregnancy discomfort, stress, and complaints, vent to other sources of support in your life. Otherwise treat friendship as normal. You guys are friends so you had other stuff to talk about before, presumably, so just keep doing the exact same thing without adding preggo stuff to the mix. 

Post # 10
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

Please don’t give a couple who is struggling with TTC advice. They’ve already heard it all. Unless they specifically ask for it, this is going to come off as extremely condecending.

As for reassurance, again, unless they ask, they don’t need it. Telling a struggling couple to remain positive, or “it will happen,” does not help and is often times more hurtful than it is helpful.

I would just shoot them a message saying that you just wanted them to know you were pregnant before making a more general announcement. Leave it at that.

Post # 11
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

night0wl :  why on earth would you give advice about infertility when you aren’t infertile yourself? Surely your friends who have been TTC for 3 years are doing everything they can to get pregnant and they don’t need advice about how lucky you were.

When spending time with friends who are TTC you should not bring up your pregnancy and certainly not the ease at which you conceived – that’s just being polite. 

Post # 12
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

We’ve been TTC for what feels like forever. I’d appreciate a text more. Don’t offer advice. Most of us taking longer to conceive are fully aware of ‘oops’ babies and the stats on how long it takes the majority of couples to conceive. Its nice that you are considering other people’s feelings but don’t worry too much. The only time I’ve ever been pissed off was when someone told me  she was annoyed it took two cycles to conceive her second as the first was straight away.

Post # 13
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Echoing others, don’t ever give advice to someone who has been trying for 3 years when it only took you a couple months. I can assure you they don’t want it. I can promise you that any advice you have they have already tried it. 

Also it looks like you already told them that you’re pregnant? Don’t be upset if they distance themselves from you for a bit. That is for their mental health and has nothing to do with you or your baby. Trust me, most likely they are happy for you, but at the same time their heart is breaking for themselves. 

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