Post # 16
night0wl : congrats on getting pregnant right away.
Here’s my two cents….don’t try to give advice on TTC and getting pregnant fast unless they ask directly for some. You got pregnant right away, so in all reality you didn’t have to try much to get there. While that’s great for you, it may not be appreciated to hear the few very common things you did to get pregnant (ie having sex…around ovulation) for someone who has been trying for a while and likely has started to look into further things (supplements, further testing, etc) than just that.
Another thing, PLEASE let those you know who have been trying for a while know that if whatever you’re talking about (pregnancy related) is too hard for them to hear about that day or week or month that they should let you know to quiet down about it…..and you need to be okay with that and respect it.
As far as their current sadness and frustration while being happy for you, just listen to them. Be there for them if they allow it. And don’t try to lessen their experience. From an infertility standpoint and someone who has been trying for around 16 months (and a husband who has male infertility on top of it), it sucks to see friends and family getting pregnant easier. I have 9 people in my life who are due between July and October. NINE. While I’m soo happy for them, it SUCKS for my husband and I. And that’s perfectly okay for me to feel that way. Don’t tell them blanket statements such as “it will happen when it happens “ “it’s just not the right time yet” etc. because those hurt.
Post # 17
I also second the hearing it by text (or phone, but I prefer text) rather than face to face so they can react in their own time and make all the facial expressions and hold back tears or full on cry without you knowing. It sucks to be on this end of the phone. You have to respect that they may pull away for a while. That’s okay. Let them have a little space, while checking in once in a while too. It’s hard.
Post # 18
thanks for the clarification. I’ve been TTC for almost 2 years and I’ve had many friends start TTC and even have their babies since I’ve started trying. I think the best thing you can do when your friends vent their frustrations is just to listen to them. You don’t need to tell them anything for advice, just be there and listen. It’s an extremely isolating journey.
I would also add don’t bring up your pregnancy unless asked and don’t bring up any of the negative side effects (morning sickness, etc) or once baby is born annoyances (being up all night, etc) because those of us who are struggling would literally give anything we own to have those issues (but definitely find a pregnancy group or mom group because you need a place to vent to as well). Good luck!
Post # 19
It sounds like you’re approaching the situation well. If you’re talking one-on-one to a friend about it, don’t be afraid to open up. They might be seeking ideas.
Congratulations, Mama ❤️❤️