(Closed) She Added herself to the Wedding Party!(long)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wait, I’m confused.  This reads like your Matron of Honor is Little L.  Which is why her adding herself to your wedding party doesn’t make any sense to me.  If Little L is a random person who invited herself shopping with you and Matron of Honor and then made herself a bridesmaid I’d just tell her that You’re only going to have 4 girls and that you’re sorry, but she’s not one of them.  Her assuming she’s a bridesmaid isn’t your fault.

Post # 4
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i agree with @twista…this isn’t adding up to me either…

Post # 5
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with Twista. 

I was also confused with your story.  It sounds like you are saying Little L is your Matron of Honor.  You might want to clear up your story so people can give you advice!

Post # 6
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m confused as well.  Does Little L = Matron of Honor = girl who added herself?

It is a little misleading to invite someone shopping for a bridesmaid dress if she isn’t a bridesmaid, but I guess you could find a nice way to explain the misunderstanding.

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

I got it. 🙂

I think you need to have a sit down with her and talk it out… misscommunication is what got you into this mess in the first place. It is extremely rude of her to ‘make’ herself a Bridesmaid or Best Man at your wedding. Simply tell her what you just wrote down here… that you don’t have enough guys to have 5 bridesmaids, but if you can find another guy, you will make her one. You have over a year left of planning. Things change. If she’s really your friend, she will understand.

Your other option would be to just make her a bridesmaid, and have an uneven amount in your wedding party… tons of people do it, it doesn’t look silly. Again, if she’s really your friend, you may want to consider this.

You don’t want a wedding to get in the way of your friendships.

Post # 10
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So wait, did she actually go dress shopping with you?  Or she just tried to?  That’s something that BMs typically do.  If you want her to be included, you don’t need to have equal number of guys and girls.  But, if you don’t want to include her, you need to let her know now.  Ignoring her comments isn’t working.  And if she’s around all the time, she doesn’t sound like a random person – it sounds like you guys are friends.  I’m a little confused…

Post # 11
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I take it as you went dress shopping with your Maid/Matron of Honor and Little L was sad she couldn’t go (even though she wasn’t asked to) and used that as her cue to talk about the wedding and now considers herself in the wedding party?

I had this happen with my sister; she told me how she couldn’t wait to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man and stuff. I never actually asked her, and like you, I hadn’t been planning to. I didn’t want to cause grief so I ignored it, but I figured I’d just let her be in it if I had to. Fast foward a few months and I realized that I am not going to have 6 BMs for her; it’s hard enough with 5 and my Fiance can’t think of a 5th either haha. So I asked her to do a reading instead. She was disappointed but took it well. When she said about how it was a surprise since I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it took everything in me not to confront her and be like “no, I didn’t” but it is my experience that those arguments never end well, and she was being civil so no need to go that way. I would say from here out to anyone to just stop it before it gets this far and always tell a self-inviting Bridesmaid or Best Man that the details are not finalized and you haven’t picked your party yet. But that advice is too late for you. We live and learn. Could you give this girl another job? I think the way you talk about it is crucial. It’s good that you already told her that you’re having trouble picking a bridal party. Depending on your friendship and how she handles it, I would not mention that she invited herself because that can cause more hurt feelings, but if she starts getting argumentative or rude about, then I would say it. I think this is difficult, and if you really are going to cut her (even if she was never in it in your eyes; she’ll see it as you cutting her), you may have to be prepared to damage the friendship.

Post # 12
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i’m confused. by not correcting her in the beginning, it seems this girls has every reason to believe she is in the wedding at this point. I think you need to be firm about these things and nip it in the bud. If she mentioned being in your wedding months ago and you just “let it go” then she’s in your wedding now. if you don’t want her, you have to tell her. she isn’t going to get the hint and you are the one who will end up looking mean even though it was her stupidity.

Post # 12
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i’m confused. by not correcting her in the beginning, it seems this girls has every reason to believe she is in the wedding at this point. I think you need to be firm about these things and nip it in the bud. If she mentioned being in your wedding months ago and you just “let it go” then she’s in your wedding now. if you don’t want her, you have to tell her. she isn’t going to get the hint and you are the one who will end up looking mean even though it was her stupidity.

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