Post # 77
@canadajane: Eh. I personally believe that when you decide to get married, that’s when you’re engaged- the ring is a nice symbol and telling everyone should be joyful, but it’s entirely possible to actually become married without either of those steps, so although those are what most people think about when they say “engagement”, they obviously are not the core of becoming engaged- saying “Let’s get married” “Yes, let’s” is the core of becoming engaged.
So if that’s where they’re at- if her fiance knows she’s buying stuff and is fine with it, if they have a timeline for their marriage- then support her and be flattered you’re one of the people she told first.
Personally, we decided to get married (within a period of a few months bounded by military commitments at one end, but without an exact date set till we figured out some logistics), told my parents and our best friends, figured out some more logistics and then told his parents, set a date and told everyone who would be invited, and then got the ring (it was custom and took a few weeks) and then told facebook/everybody.
That process took a little over a month, but we were engaged the entire time- we had agreed to be married during the first conversation, and that’s what an engagement is. Everything else is just icing.
So unless you think she’s being straight-up delusional, or you know that her boyfriend doesn’t actually consider them to be engaged, don’t rain on or reign in this particular parade. She won’t appreciate it, and you might not actually be correct.
Post # 78
That’s a different scenario. If one of your friends wrote in that their friend was looking at $10,000 dresses when she’d only been dating her much older boyfriend for six months, people would have said the same thing as here – stay out of it, it’s not your business to tell your friend what to do.
Post # 79
I agree you are correct on the bee’s mentality on planning before he pops the Q. But here, I think there is a big difference though between what you tell a girl asking for advice on what she should do, ” should I buy my dress he proposes?”, and someone asking what she should tell HER friend who already did it. It’s too late, she bought her dress, why possibly lose a friendship or get in a fight over her own thoughts on someone else’s actions? But in the first scenario when people haven’t yet done the act AND are soliciting other’s advice, then I think you tell them the truth/what you really think, and for a lot of people it’s wait and enjoy the process once your actually engaged. I mean why interject in this case when what’s done is done, is my thought.
Post # 80
@canadajane: Maybe you should just mind your own business? Unless she is asking you to pay for these items, who cares?
Post # 81
@canadajane: I bought my wedding gown 5 months before my husband proposed.
If your friend wants to plan her wedding, that’s fine. It doesn’t affect you whatsoever. It’s not your place to tell her what order is “appropriate” in which to do things.
Post # 82
Missed it before, but after reading yours I agree. While I still stand by how there are differences between people asking your opinion and people who don’t, the distinction can be made between friends and not friends — I do agree that is what (some) friends are for. Mine would absolutely tell me! Lol. I never would have done this personally, but if I had they would have been like, “you need to chill/not jinx yourself/styles change” even though they knew that DH and I would get married. They just wouldn’t have seen the point when there is plenty of time for that later. So I agree that if YOUR friends and your friendships have this open & honest dynamic then it is different and perhaps OP can judge that for herself. If she thinks it will only hurt her friend though, and that isn’t really their prior friendship style, a wedding (or in this case nit a wedding but simply a dress) shouldn’t change that, and she should let it go. In My Humble Opinion.
Post # 83
So, when it comes to a person you actually know and care about, say nothing/mind your own business – it’s fine. If it’s someone on the Internet, personally attacking the crap out of them is standard procedure. Is that what you mean?
We do have a very solid timeline, actually :).
Post # 84
you came here and asked about it. Her friend didn’t ask her about it.
If a friend asked me if this was a good idea I would say no and explain why. If she didn’t ask and just told me that she is doing it I would keep quiet.
Post # 85
+1 exactly. I don’t know how to explain it to her any better than that.
Post # 87
Now you do after your Valentine’s Day meltdown. Prior to that when you had written the post, you did not.