Post # 1
So this latest drama with my sister in law has been a long time coming. She was not asked to be a bridesmaid in my wedding because, among othere things, I didnt think I had ask her just because she is the grooms sister. I guess the bigger issue is that my brother is in the bridal party because he is walking me down the aisle. There has been tension all along. Am I completely in the wrong for not asking her? Things have gotten progresively worse. At my bridal showers shes been distant, she has disagreed with outfits for her children (in the bridal party) and not paid me for clothing purchase and to top it off there was one HUGE FAIL on my part this weekend. Apparently she was listed as one of three hosts for my shower, but I was unaware of this and i did not buy her a gift..MAJOR FAIL I know. I just want to fix all this DRAMA and have an enjoyabe wedding where i am not worried about her being miserable and making everyone elses time unhappy. How do I fix my major mistake, but also set her in her place in this wedding?
Post # 3
You ask her to be a bridesmaid because it apparently means a lot to her and you’re marrying into the family. Do you really want this to set the tone for your future relationships with the in-laws?
Post # 4
Well no matter the mistake she went off the deep end based on what you have written… she shouldn’t have called you a bridezilla. No you don’t need to have her in the party, sometimes brides don’t even have their own sisters in the party. Now I would take her to lunch and buy her something small to make up for the mistake about the hosts. I would then talk to Fiance because this is his sister and he needs to deal with her not paying for the clothes and treating you unfair.
Post # 5
Did she call you a bridezilla just because you didn’t give her a gift?
I hope you at least apologized for not knowing that she was co-hosting your shower. It seems like she’s very hurt that you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, but she was the bigger person & helped host a shower in your honor, and then you don’t even acknowledge her involvement (I know you didn’t know, but see it from her perspective). I’m sure she feels like it’s another slap in the face.
Post # 6
@Paigey: I’d say this but if your date is correct, you don’t have much time. In that case, I’d ask her to do a reading for your ceremony. And I’d also be prepared for a resounding ‘no’ when you ask.
Post # 7
Do you know why she was listed as a host?
You didn’t do anything wrong, since you didn’t know she was listed (I assume you didn’t receive an invitation, you just knew the date and time and where to show up, which is common.) Just explain to her like you did to us – you’re so sorry for not getting her anything, you didn’t realize she was co-hosting, you will make it up to her.
You were not obligated to include her in the bridal party; if your Fiance really wanted her she could have stood on his side.
You may need to eat the cost of the childrens’ attire at this point.
Post # 8
@LaTortuga: She called me a bridezilla to one of my bridesmaids before the whole I fogot to give her a gift thing. She said she was “too afriad to ask the Bridezilla if the kids were going to be able to eat dinner if they were not allowed to stay at the recpetion” (which obviously we are paying for them to eat, but dont think its okay for little children to be around drinking adults). AND,Yes, I apologzied IMMEDIATELY when I found out. Which, took some investigative work. My future mother in law stopped by to drop somethings off and I noticed she was being very strange using, my SIL name over and over again. It wasnt untill I called my mother and had her read the invited (I never recieved one) that i discovered my huge mistake. I also called and aplogized to my future Mother-In-Law. She suggested i do something nice for her and dot (her daughter) to make them feel special and included in the wedding. I have a very hard time relating to my sister in law because she is difficult (bi-polar and just a lot to handle). I dont know what to do to make this up to her, because i know she is going to hold it against me. I know the :solution would be to ask her to stand up as a bridesmaids, but I dont want to give in to her craziness either. I want to ask her to read at the wedding, but it has been all muddled by the drama…
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
You shouldn’t be bullied into making your Future Sister-In-Law a bridesmaid… like you thought, a reading might be nice or some other function, maybe make a toast specifically to her during your rehearsal dinner? Get her a present to make up for missing her as one of the hosts of your shower? I just think it’s totally unfair to be forced into adding a bridesmaid for whatever reason. Good luck!!
Post # 10
@elysion: Oh hoho, I think asking her to do a toast in front of everyone would be bad, might be some snark
A reading is a good idea though.
Post # 11
@se15kinn: “ I also called and aplogized to my future Mother-In-Law. She suggested i do something nice for her and dot (her daughter) to make them feel special and included in the wedding.”
LOL, I’m sorry. Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law has good intentions (it happens…?) and really meant to just push the idea of making your SIL feel special and included herself as a package deal to make it seem less like she was dictating what you should do, but OH MY. You can’t ask someone to “make us feel special and included”. That’s something you have to deserve.
Perhaps making her a bridesmaid is the thing to do. I know it’s late in the game but it seems to be the most impactful way to smooth things over. In most cases, I would agree with others that you shouldn’t be bullied into it, but you actually did make a large enough mistake that your next move should be strong.
She might not say yes, but it’s worth a shot.
Post # 13
OH I’d just avoid the conflict and save yourself years of headaches … call her for coffee and say. “Things have been rough, I’m sorry… please be my bridesmaid” and then make it clear that it’s your show. I AGREE… you shouldn’t have to, but ask yourself if it will matter in five years when you all have framed wedding photos… guessing are it will!
Post # 14
I think it is BS that you should get bullied into making her a bridesmaid. I also find it absurd that a grown woman with children would throw a temper tamtrum about this. Ask her to do a reading at the wedding and if she gives you any more grief tell your Fiance to deal withit. You’re marrying your Fiance, you don’t have to become BFF’s with his sister…
Post # 15
Do not ask her to be a bm!! If u dont want it dont do it!!
It will only cause more problems for you.
Just try to distance yourself from her. After u give her a gift and apologize.
Post # 16
dont have her in the wedding at all! She will only cause u more problems!