- 2 years ago
First of all, thank you in advance for taking the time to read my post and to answer honestly about it.
Me and my finance are supposed to get married next year, 2019. We are both 30 years old, we have been together for 7 years and we are engaged since 2016 already. We are very much in love and very happy together. We do live a “perfect life”, we spend most of our private time together, but we still have many friends, we travel all around the world together, we can afford to do everything we want, we have sex very regularly and its awesome. We have both very good relationship with each other’s family. Everything is good!
Honestly, we tell each other we love each other so much every day, many times a day, we do fight once in a while but that is actually rare. In a word, we are very happy together.
Unfortunately, I found out that she tried to cheat on me 6 months ago, when she was supposed to go see her best (girl) friend abroad but she was actually planning on having an affair with an old university crush. I caught her, we fought, we cried, we suffered, she said she loved me so much and she was so afraid to lose me that eventually I forgave her. Actually, I think I never really forgave her, because at that time, I felt devastated that she could plan something like this, the pain was so intense that it never really healed. Anyway, I tried to move on and give her another chance, because I love her and did not want to lose her. I made her promised to stop talking to him ever again, even though she seemed sad about it.
The past 6 months were very good, we were very happy together, I moved on very fast, because ultimately, she did not cheated on me at that time, she just planned on it and I was able to stop it.
Fast forward, last week, she came back from a business trip but I realized that she actually spent the week somewhere else, in another country, with that guy. She did have the affair she was looking for 6 months ago. When she got back from the trip, she texted the guy that he was her number one and that she will always love him, even when she ll be married to me. She said that she knew that she was taking a huge risk, that was she was doing was very bad, but she was willing to take that risk, for him. She seems to have real love for him. Maybe it was just passion, the love of the first days…I think that’s what it was.
Obviously, I caught her again. I am devastated and I am feeling betrayed to my core, I feel like I just waited 7 years of my life. The worst is that 2 weeks ago, we crossed the globe together so I could introduce her to all my family that she was supposed to see during our wedding next year. (I live abroad, I moved here for her)
Yet, she is now coming back to me with all the same answers, she loves me so much, she does not want to lose me and she still wants to marry me because I am the best person she has ever met, etc…
She is now so sad and sorry and keep on trying to be nice to me, but even though she regrets it, she not cured, she might do it again and again…I love her and I value our relationship so much, I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know what to do!
She is a very attractive women and I know that she might have a lot of temptation, but she should be stronger than this, if she really cares for me. We actually had a few fights in the past because she like to keep in touch with her ex boyfriends, pretending that they are now very good friends, which I totally disagree with, I forbade her to stay in touch with all these guys, but she can’t help it, she said she would, but she never actually stopped.
I do think that she really loves me though, and wants to spend her life with me. She seems very real when she tell me all the good things that she thinks about me and why she wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. My intuition is that she needs a lot of attention, and she needs to feel desired by other men in order to feel like a real women, and that is very immature.
She did the unforgivable but she is also a fantastic person which I love so much. I am so confused right now and I don’t know what to do.
I am willing to forgive her in the name of love and because I know life is not easy, there is always ups and down in relationships. Couples are never really trying to make things work out anymore, that’s why we see so many divorces. We had so much good time together, with so much love and beautiful memories. Maybe one day I will be the one doing that mistake (which I never did in 7 years) and I will hope she would forgive me too…
What do you think ? Is it time for me to say goodbye, or should I take the opportunity of this crisis in order to make our relationship even better than it was before?
I am lost…