Post # 1
I work every Saturday, so when my SO’s ex drops SO’s little one over to see his dad for the weekend, she seizes every opportunity to talk to him (and apparently make her moves on him) when I’m not around to see it.
Just today, S.O messaged me after his son came by and said baby mama gave him a hug and a kiss as she was leaving. I really appreciate that he told me- it shows he’s honest because he didn’t hide it from me. But just the fact that it happened has left such a sour taste in my mouth, and I’ve been fighting back tears all morning (I’m afraid I’ll still be tearing up while I’m actually working my shift, how embarassing would that be?)
I feel so hurt and frustrated that she keeps doing it, and that SO didn’t stop it. I mean, yes, it’s the father’s day weekend and all, but she could have just as easily wished him a happy father’s day, IMO there was no reason for her to get all touchy-feely with him. I know damn well she wouldn’t have done it if I was there.
Maybe I’m just being a jealous bee-otch, but it just hurts. My self-confidence has always been touch-and-go, and when stuff like this happens it hits me really hard. Sorry for the vent 🙁
Post # 3
@Papillion: I think he needs to tell her to knock it off. It’s obviously not appropriate and she knows he’s moved on, so he needs to make it clear to her that the behaviour is not acceptable.
Post # 4
I think your SO does need to tell her off and to tell her to desist kissing him and hugging him like that, along the lines of “I’m not comfortable with this because Papillion means the world to me.”
Post # 5
Sorry but how about instead of telling you he tell her to knock it off? That’s very odd to me.
Post # 6
I think you SO needs to be clear about whats appropriate and what isn’t. sounds like he is letting himself get into thosw situations by not being clear about how he feels.
“Thanks for dropping off “_______” we have plans i will see you when i drop him off goodbye.”
Dont stand around and chat, or if they need to make sure its only about the child. He needs to put his foot down.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice so far ladies- I totally agree, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I’m going to talk to him about it tonight for sure. I want to do it in person rather than by text, so it’ll have to wait a few more hours, but I’m putting my foot down so he’ll do the same with the ex. I don’t think it’s my place at all to tell her to screw off- that seems more like SO’s job
Post # 8
@MrsWBS: this is my thought.
Post # 9
Um, maybe she’s just a friendly person? Are you sure your FI isn’t overthinking things? I hug and kiss a lot of people hello and goodbye.
Also, if she is hitting on him, and he is rejecting her advances properly, I don’t know that he needs to tell you every detail. One time SO went out without me and some girl hit on him before he told her about me. He didn’t tell me b/c he thought I’d be jealous, and I would have been. It later came out when she started seeing someone else in the group. I don’t have a problem with her, she didn’t know he was taken at first and I wasn’t around. I say she has good taste.
Anyway, your FI needs to make it clear that he’s not interested in her. I don’t think he needs to tell you about it every time because he can’t legally change when he sees her, and it will only upset you.
Post # 10
@Papillion: i would have a conversation with your bf about this. he really needs to be telling his ex that it’s inappropriate.
stay positive so that you don’t sound defensive, “dear, thank you for letting me know about your ex’s behaviour earlier today. i do appreciate your honesty. you obviously told me b/c you felt that it is inappropriate/uncomfortable when she does this. perhaps you should be telling her this too and not just me.”
i do know that some guys will try to deflect this point by saying that they don’t want to hurt her feelings. if so, your response should be, “dear, i am hoping that at this stage in our relationship my feelings are more important to you than hers are.”
Post # 11
It’s weird that he tells you this, ESP when you are at work. Are you sure she’s scoring on to him?
Post # 12
Maybe he likes the attention? If you tell him it bothers you, he might keep it a secret then. It sounds like he might enjoy the affection from both you.
Post # 13
@Papillion: kiss on the cheeks or lips?
a hug and kiss on the cheek is totally normal – 100%. i mean, they made a baby together and thats just being friendly. i kiss people on the cheek too, it doesnt mean i want to jump their bones
and i think having a friendly conversation is about maintaining a civilised relationship with an ex? i disgaree with pp it should be “hello.thanks for bringing kid. shooo shoo” like they hae to leave instantly. i think that would be a bad relationship
or do you mean a kiss on the lips/lunge? its not clear from the post