(Closed) She is trying to seduce my Fiancé!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Drama queen, she is.

She knows he isn’t interested. Or at least she’s so self-absorbed that she doesn’t WANT to find out. She cried to make him so uncomfortable he wouldn’t say what he had to.

I would call that the second strike. Third strike, and I would have a talk with her. You sound like a tough girl. I would be direct, with no “outs” that make it seem okay. “I know what you’re doing, and it is NOT okay. He is spoken for and not interested.”

Then again, I don’t take well to childish people. :/

Post # 5
Member
7760 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The problem is not the girl, the problem is your fiance. He needs to learn how to deal with flirting women, e.g. block her on his phone, give her the cold shoulder at the sports club. You say, “He took her into the club house” – sorry, not OK!

You talking with the girl has 2 problems. (1) It reflects badly on you, and (2) It doesn’t solve the real problem – your fiance will react the same way when other girls flirt with him.

Post # 7
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Firefliesflash:  Oh boy.

*sigh* I’m such a direct person, but I guess this is where your Fiance should handle things as PP said. If this were happening to me, I would prefer it to be my bossy, territorial ass to deal with it…but Fiance would have to deal with it.

A passive way for him to deal with it is to not answer her texts, to not go out of his way to help her (she feeds off of it) and to not play into her shit. He’s getting married to you and I’m sure this won’t be the first time a girl finds him accessible because of his (good) attitude. He’s going to have to learn to stonewall these girls. Nice, but not syrupy. Definitely build a one liner: “Yeah, my Fiance is waiting up…Gotta go!”

Though the bad side of me is telling you to tell her to back the F up and cuss her out. Heh. ^_^

Post # 8
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@paula1248:  +1

 

If my fiance had gotten into a physical fight with a stranger on more than one occasion, I would be seriously concerned.  I really couldn’t deal with being on edge wondering when he was going to put on his prince in armour suit again.  His behavior could get him seriously hurt, not to mention he has now let himself get into a really inappropriate situation with this girl.  He is the one who needs to learn to stay out of things that aren’t his own business (no, don’t let a guy beat the crap out of a girl in front of you, but it sounds like he is stepping into much more mild situations and then they are escalating).

Post # 9
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Oh no, so not Okay. You need to pull her aside and said she is being completely inappropriate and that she needs to back off. Also you need to tell your fiance that this is making you very uncomfortable and if he’s putting her comfort above yours then he’s out of line also! It doesn’t matter that you know he isn’t going to cheat its about you feeling disrespected by this drama queen slut! Ugh I hate girls like that!!

Post # 11
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This girl sounds horrible! Sorry you have to deal with it. Your fiance does need to learn how to deal with flirting women, though. He can still be a nice guy and turn a woman down. A casual “I already have a girlfriend/fiance” usually works, but “This isn’t appropriate” should do the job when she doesn’t get the hint. He shouldn’t be consoling her for anything.

That being said, I’m glad you’ve got a genuine sweetie for yourself =)

Post # 13
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with the others that you need to tell her to back off. It may be less than desirable, but if he’s not going to do it then you have to. I have done this more than once and I wouldn’t even hesitate to do it again. My man is mine and though I am not at all the jealous type, if a bitch crosses the line she will know it.

Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What this girl is or is not doing is irrelevant, you should be concerned with his behavior. There no reason for him to go off and have a private chat wit this chick, and no reason why they should be texting about her issues. If it was an old friend ok, but not with some random chick. He needs to have healthy boundaries with people, esp people whom he doesn’t really know. I think this girls is a drama queen and your Fi should shut her down and make it absolutely clear that he not interested in hearing about her issues, then be cordial and keep his distance.

I never worry about what other women are doing, I focus on my Fi and his behavior. As a partner, and a grown man I expect him to erect boundaries, and not put him self into bad positions. He also needs to learn when to mind his own business. If someone is in danger it’s one thing to intervene, but he has no right to be going around policing strangers behavior.

Post # 15
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do you know if he responded to the texts she sent him, or the picture? I can see wy you’re concerned. I definitely wouldn’t be okay with someone texting or sending those kinds of messages/pics to my husband. He’s just going to have to be stern with her and tell her to back off. I doubt that her boyfriend, or ex boyfriend is really giving her trouble. Sounds like a huge cop-out for her to try & mess up with you have. But like other pp’s have said, your Fiance is just going to have to tell her straight up that’s he’s not interested, that what she’s doing is inappropriate, and she needs to back off.

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