- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Heya. So my wife and I have been married for six months and have had a pretty turbulant relationship thus far. We started off as friends, then she started to think of me more as a boyfriend than just a friend. I had no experiance with this, and while I did like her, I didn’t know really anything about chemistry, the art of pursuit, or even who I was supposed to be in the relationship. It’s been three and a half years since that point, and I don’t feel like I am much more knowledgable now than I was then. There have been up’s and down’s, choppy waters and smooth sailing, potholes and level roads, but over the length of our relationship, we have never lost interest in each other or staying together. Even when she cheated on me, we worked our way through it and I was happy to have her back when she finally came around.
Now, however, things are different. We’ve been married for six months, and we might as well only be roommates. She threatened me with divorce one day not too long ago because she thought I was being too rough with our son. She was on her way to work when she said it, and I never got a chance to refute her claim. I ended up writing a three page note to her with the normal spiral (I’ll be angry after we fight, then I’ll feel a twinge of pain, and despair will start to settle in. This used to lead to a bout of depression lasting anywhere from a day to week because of the acute nature of my mind. Anymore it only lasts a couple hours to a day.) where I spoke out against her hasty condemnation (I would never hurt our son. I love him, and while she knows that, she doesn’t trust my control of my body.) and when the spiral hit, it ended with my questioning if there was really any love between us anymore. I had to do other things after that, and when she got home I remembered the note and started praying she wouldn’t read it. She did read it however, and we discussed it last night (well, I discussed, she just sat there and didn’t say anything, even when I asked direct questions.)
The only real response I got out of her was that she feels that I am more like a brother than a husband. While this explains why she’s not interested in me sexually (nor really has been since before we got married) it leaves a lot of loose ends and she’s not the type to really talk about it. I’ve been trying to explore different avenues (board games so that we’re actually together not just in the same room, sex games to try to reignite a spark in our love life, date night so that we actually spend time on each other and not splitting our attention…) but something always seems to come up. Several times, it’s been that she doesn’t want to leave our son with someone else, but that leads into a whole separate concern of mine. Another reason has been that she is busy wwith homework (and then goes onto Imgur, Gaia Online, or Facebook) and yet another is that she’s too tired (even though she sleeps more than me and doesn’t do any more than I do).
I’m starting to get the feeling that she’s just not into me anymore. I haven’t felt like a man in our relationship for more than a year, and it’s only once or twice a year that she’s actually interested in me sexually. I firmly believe that all relationships can have a happy ending if you choose to love the other instead of seek for yourself, so I’m not ready to give up quite yet, but I’m out of ideas and she doesn’t seem to care. Am I blowing this all out of proportion, or is it wrong that I want more out of our relationship than to simply co-exist? If you think that I’m okay to feel a little dejected (I wonder who wouldn’t with the epic nature of this “friend-zone” experiance) then could you give me a few tips on how to be the man again? Something that would make her notice me as a partner, instead of a brother?