(Closed) She makes me want to call off the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Just remember, you’re marrying HIM, not his mother!!! 

It might be regular wedding stress, but it also sounds like you and her don’t have a good relationship to start with, and the stress of seeing her son geting married probably doesn’t help her attitude either. Just breathe, and remember what this whole process is about– celebrating you and your FI! 

I would talk to your Fiance though, tell him that it makes you feel unvalued when you tell him something is bothering you and his response is always that you’re overreacting. Weather it’s an overreaction or not, the fact is you’re upset– and him telling you not to be doesn’t help anything. 

As for the future, you never know– my Future Sister-In-Law swears to me that once I’m pregnant my Future Mother-In-Law will love me to pieces… I’m not so sure on that one, but we’ll see… only time can tell on things like that. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

She is jealous of you, b/c your “taking” her son away from her. He needs to man up and stand up for you towards her. If hes not putting your feelings first, then in my eyes he is neglecting you. Im sorry your going through thisFrown

Post # 5
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he wants to marry you, you need to become his primary concern- which means standing up for you, even to his own mother. He needs to set a precedent now, or she will never understand the meaning of the word “Boundaries!!!”. She’ll never respect you, because she doesn’t have to- her childish behavior is going unpunished. If her son stands up to her, hopefully she’ll realize that unless she backs off and learns to tolerate you (she doesn’t have to like you but she must respect you), she will be losing a son instead of gaining a daughter!

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bwed2012:  Are you two in any type of premartial counseling at all? Because if not, maybe you two should do it.

Post # 8
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh, in-law issues suck to begin with, but when one party isn’t on board then that makes them terrible. I think that honestly, your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t the issue to worry about here (TONS of brides have nightmare FMILs and get through it), but it’s your FI’s reaction to it. You NEED him on board with you for this, you need him to support you and treat you as #1. Handle this in counseling or sit him down and really explain your concerns. 

My mom is an absolute horror, but I recognize that and put Fiance first, all the time. I set boundaries for us – because Fiance is my family now. 

Post # 10
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Bwed2012:  I’m so sorry that it’s come to this for you, but it sounds like for some reason you just haven’t gotten through to him. My advice is to make it clear you aren’t making him choose between you and his mom, but that you just need support and his willingness to try to see your side. 

Post # 11
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You really, really need to tell him how you feel, and soon.  He is marrying you, and if he wants his mother to be a part of your lives HE needs to tell her she cannot treat you this way.  Period, end of story.  Ths should be talked about and worked on before the wedding.  I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but she is his mother and he needs to stand up to her, otherwise you will be dealing with a lifetime’s worth of awful FMIL-ness.

Post # 13
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Bwed2012:  I have issues with my Future Mother-In-Law. She’s nice, but pushy. Like “It my lifeplan for you too you will move to where I am and help me run my busness when are you getting here?!?!?” pushy.

My SO bows out. The drama is too great. He feels likes he’s in a rock and a hard place. Before you confront him about her, try a new approach of dealing with her. If she can be so forward and tell you that she hates your dress, tell her in so many words that you like it and you don’t care that she hates it. Not in a direct way, mind you, but more of a snide way.

 

If she doesn’t like it and tells your Fiance this forces him to deal with it and you all can finally set boundries. If he doesn’t, then she keeps her big mouth shut, or at least knows that her words do NOT contol your emotions.

 

Stay Strong Girl!

Post # 15
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all- this is something to be concerned about. Once you’re married- spouse is #1 priority, parents come after. I don’t have any advice to offer, but am sending you a hug. Can you show Fiance the first paragraph you wrote- would that help him get it?

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