(Closed) She never showed up to the wedding.

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not the same but I’ve grown distant from a lot of close friends since my engagement and subsequent move and it wasn’t from a lack of effort on my part. I’d lie if I said the fizzling out of some very close friendships hasn’t made me a little sad but I believe that everything happens for a reason and that all relationships are a two-way street. 

I do have friends that I have had since we were kids that are actually my bridesmaids and I am so grateful for them. Even though we sometimes go months without seeing each other, when we get back together and hang out it’s like I never left. So I believe you when you say that the wedding has helped you see who your true friends are. 

Post # 4
Member
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am sorry that this happened but are you sure there isn;t something going on here? Can you maybe talk to her brother since he reached out to you to maybe see if everything is ok? I would feel really bad if I just wrote a friend off and then found out she had been battling something in her life.

Post # 5
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@j_jaye:  I would think that but it sounds like the OP tried to be as thoughtful as possible in approaching the situation. Say something is going on. To not even send a text or anything as a heads up until people chase you down shows that a person isn’t invested in the relationship. I mean, it really takes a few seconds to tell someone that you’re sorry but you can’t be in their wedding. Heck, she could have even asked her brother to say it for her if she didn’t want to say it directly. 

Post # 6
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry your friendship didn’t lasts but it definitely puts things in perspective.

Post # 7
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You are calm and cool about this, what a great attitude.

Upside: your frenemy isn’t in any of your beautiful wedding photos!  😉

Post # 8
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wow!!! Sadly, weddings bring out the best and worst of friends… at least she enabled you to cut your losses 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

@Luv2BeachIt:  Totally agree! At least you don’t have to look at your pictures and remember how much she wasn’t there for you! I had a similar situation with a 10 year friendship that ended like this. It’s sad… but some people just don’t belong in your life.

Post # 10
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would have just taken her out of the bridal party early on and forgotten about her. 

Post # 11
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My programs are wrong now too. My SO’d sister in law and my close friedn is having some mental health issues and may not be able to be in our wedding…in 13 days. I’ll know for sure Thurs. ugh

Post # 12
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Sorry you had to go through this. But I’m glad you were able to relax and enjoy your day through it.

Post # 13
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@aliavenue:  Thank you for writing this b/c I definitely think I needed it tonight

Post # 14
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This sounds so familiar to me…..some people are just so rude. I think a wedding really helps sort out who your “friends” actually are.

It sucks it’s happened, but weddings sure do open your eyes!

Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@aliavenue:  I just had a talk with my flaky bridesmaid last night and I’m worried shes gonna do to me what yours did to you. She sounds JUST LIKE your girl. The only saving grace is that I sat with her, face to face last night and told her that I expect her to be there and that if she couldnt she had to say something NOW because Id rather her drop out now than flake out later. She didnt get defensive but she looked at me like she wanted me to beleive her….she pinky swore. We’ll see! I’am totally willing to give her ONE more try. I only have a maid of honor and ONE bridesmaid so its IS important that she or even another stand in. I have a plan B and with that assurance I won’t be freaking out.

I can see how disappointing it is when someone has seemingly NO reason to treat you indifferently or be flippant towards you and I know so many bees want to give the benefit of the doubt or play the devils advocate for the flake but really, who has time to chase someone down? I don’t. It’s demeaning and youre STILL the bad guy in the end. It doesnt mean I’m not the persons friend but I will recognize their limitations and you cant put yourself out more than you can afford because when you play that game you start feeling rejected and drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out to the point of obsequiousness. Life is too short and you have too many other friends (as you found) that genuinely want to be there. If she wanted to, she’d have made the effort. NOT the other way around.

I mean, do you think your employer would call you everyday to find out if you were coming to work?! Hell no, they’d fire your butt and that is someone who by definition has no personal interest in you. Surely a friend who is under NO obligation can muster a bit of integrity and follow through if they are volunteering themselves and I’ve heard other bees come down on gals who are simply expecting their friends to pony up and by saying stuff like ‘well you’re bridesmaids are not your employees to fire’ and ‘theyre busy too you know’…really?!? Like that excuses the flaky behaviour because they’re not ‘obligated’ or as if that obligates YOU to put up with that???? We’re not talking about situations like, “oh my house burned down with the dress in it, I’m sorry I cant make it’ or ‘my child has school, doctors, is sick etc so I wont be able to make the fitting’. But not even CALLING back when you KNOW whats up?…Making excuses for that kind of behaviour is just LAME! Where has the sense of personal responsibility gone? Cutting class when youre 15 is one thing but being a flake at your friends wedding is just d**k! (pardon the language but it IS)….

Regardless, much like you, I’am determined to have a good day cause the ONLY person I really need there will be standing across from me!

Post # 16
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@thebearshoney:  yeah i feel the same, my three bridesmaids all dont help with the wedding. i mention it & they just roll their eyes at me then go away & say nasty things behind my bak like how they hate the dresses, the area for the out door wedding. i go weeks to speek to them and im one that rings them they dont bother to ring me. makes me sad that they dont want to help 

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