(Closed) she said no :(

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is a really big expense.  I understand being hurt that your friend wasn’t willing to save and sacrifice to stand up with you (love the way you asked, btw!), but that doesn’t mean she is any less of a friend (unless there’s other things in the friendship that think she may not want to be friends anymore).

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t tiptoe around this subject. You need to determine if she is or isn’t in the wedding. While it’s in over a year, being engaged and planning is a happy occasion, and who needs a nagging feeling of unsettled business with a potential bridesmaid who can’t commit?

Honestly, I would probably just invite her and not ask her to be a bridesmaid if she kind of hinted that she couldn’t. 

It really can get pricey and although it is far away, maybe she has always been really mindful of money and looking towards the future on a budget. You can only respect her for being responsible and up front with you instead of saying yes and then pulling out over the finances at the last minute.

Post # 5
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry to hear your friend did not accept the offer of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Don’t let this come in between you two though.  It’s better that she said no now rather than backing out last minute. Here’s to hoping that her finances look up soon and she re-accepts the offer. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

That sucks that she said no, but it’s better to know now then later. If she can’t afford it, it just won’t be a good experience for you or her if she’s in the wedding. If you really want her there and can afford it, maybe you could offer to pay for some stuff. If not, I would let it go and ask her to come as a guest.

Post # 7
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Its better for her to say no then to not be able to and back out later…

Or in the case of my sister Complain that EVERYTHING is too much money.

I know that it sucks she wont be abe to stand up there with you but if you realy want her there you can see if your budget allows covering some of her costs?

Post # 8
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Like pps, I agree that it’s better that she said no now…

Don’t be sad, she’s trying to work out her own life/expenses/situation and would prefer for you to find someone who would be a better Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Absolutely you should still invite her!

Post # 9
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

At least she let you know now. Please don’t let it come between you.

Post # 10
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also, I wanted to point out that wedding planning entails a few or MANY disappointments, and you seem to have taken this a little personally. I would try and keep things in prespective and have stuff roll off your back as much as possible. It will save your feelings and your nerves.

This is only the beginning and the sooner you come to grips with the fact that not everything will happen the way you thought it would, the better. You’ll be soooo much happier!

Post # 12
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think it will make it awkward as long as you keep in contact with her and show her that her saying “no” didn’t impact your friendship. It will be smooth sailing if you are just up front with eachother.

Post # 13
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know it’s heartbreaking, but it is good that she said no now, instead of waiting till close to the wedding and backing out. I would call her and talk to her about it if you can, since it’s so improtatnt to you. Text messages can’t convey the right thoughts and feelings for something like this. Maybe she’ll reconsider based on the timeline. Hope it all works out! ((((Hugs)))

Post # 14
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My best friend is close to one of her younger sisters and while my friend isn’t engaged yet, her sister told her not to ask her to be her Maid/Matron of Honor.  She said that she just couldn’t bare the thought of all having all that responsibility.  It might seem selfish, but having been a Maid/Matron of Honor myself, I can understand and appreciate her sister’s thought process.

I had never been a part of a wedding before I was asked to be a Maid/Matron of Honor for another friend. I had no clue how much money I would have to spend being one (I don’t think I spent a lot more than any of the other BM). 

That said, now that I’m engaged (considering having a destination wedding), I asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor (FI and I are only having one person each in our bridal party).  I know where she is financially and it’s not exactly “ideal.”  I still asked because of course I want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I forwarned her ahead of time that she really needed to think it through before giving me an answer.

She’s never been part of a wedding either so I made it clear that as exciting as it could be, that it can be costly.  I wanted to make sure she rationally thought it through (the fact that she would have to pay for travel to the wedding, accomodations, dress, etc) because I don’t want to be half way through the planning only to find out that she couldn’t afford it and therefore can’t be apart of the ceremony.

While it’s hard not to take it personal, I think it’s better that she’s up front with you now about it than much later in the planning process.  It may have stung for you, but consider how she might also feel having to reject the invitation (that she was honored to be asked and excited to be a part but can’t) and perhaps the embarassment of admitting where her finances are.  I would definitely try to talk to her and probe to see what’s going on.

I would definitely still send her a Save the Date as it might seem “catty” you’re not inviting her just because she said no.  At least, with the planning ahead, she still could make it to your wedding.

Post # 15
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Maybe you could give her a list of approximate costs so she will know what to expect budget wise

Post # 16
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have a friend that said no to me also when I asked her. It was because of money. I’ve never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but if a friend asks me to be in her wedding, I will say yes even if I have to ask my dad for money lol. Its weird, she doesn’t even ask how wedding planning is going, its like she doesn’t care.

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