(Closed) She Said What?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Why do you need their participation?  Just start planning.

Post # 4
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Ayaden: Try to not let it bother you. I have few people to talk to in real life , most of my family have not ever cared about weddings and are used to back yard bbq affairs.  And I sometimes forget that other people are not going to be excited about a wedding that is a good ways off, and most people do not find joy in thinking about every little detail that goes into a wedding. It’s nothing against you, it’s them lol.

But you have the weddingbee now 🙂 Trust me , you will find lots of help and support here, and will find comfort when you want to relish over a little detail. And since most of us are wedding planning ourselves , or just got married/ loves helping plan weddings- we will care a tad bit more , since all we think is wedding, wedding, wedding. Honestly I usually take the advice I get on here much more seriously than the 2 or 3 words I get out of a family member when I mention something lol.

Have an awesome turnout for a  DYI project? Figured out the color of your BM’s shoes? Found the perfect set of china or cake topper? More than likely nobody in real life will care- but share it with us – we will celebrate with you !lol.

Post # 5
4582 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree to just start planning without them. My FIL’s are barely involved in the process at all. They haven’t offered to help us financially, even though they could comfortably do so, so they get no say in the planning. We occasionally fill them in on things we’ve done so far but we don’t ask for help or opinions. Good luck with your planning and welcome to the bee!

Post # 6
363 posts
Helper bee

I agree with both posts.  1) start planning (without them) and 2) you have Weddingbee for advice now Laughing

Sorry that your Mother-In-Law is so not supportive…

Post # 7
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Mother-In-Law was actually upset I think that I didn’t involve her more than I did – Darling Husband and I did everything ourselves, and just kept our parents apprised of what we were accomplishing. For the control-freak in her when it comes to her baby boy, it must have driven her batty 🙂

Post # 8
4824 posts
Honey bee

I would only ask them questions relating to them or let them know kindly things they need to know.  It would be great if all in laws and immediate family always reacted with the appropriate excitement, but it doesnt happe unfortunately.

There are brides whose immediate family doesnt seem to care, brides whose in-laws care too much etc. 

And to reiterate what @iheartnerds: said, most people dont care as much as you do so come here to share!  Try not to talk too much about the small details with people unless they ask because otherwise you will get the “They dont care vibe” which is always a bummer.

Post # 9
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am so sorry they are acting like that.

I know what you are going through. Our wedding is like the last wedding on both sides of the family. So everyone has already gotten married and they are done with weddings and wedding talk. I just learn to keep it to myself when I am around them unless I am asked something. I really only get to share ideas and stuff with my wonderful mother and my bridesmaid. I have learned that no one will care about your wedding as much as you do. So to heck with them!

Post # 10
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

that stinks, I would just start planning forget that!

Post # 11
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i know how you feel – i got engaged last july, my SIL got married that august and i got married this past february (so about 6 months after her) but i was actually the one that hushed the wedding talk until after her big day – luckily for me i only had to wait a month but his parents were the same way – “lets get through this one first, let her have her day and then we will work on yours” i didnt really need anything from them except a guest list, and to talk about rehearsal dinner so i put it off until later down the road.

Get planning girl! i know its tough to hear them say that, and they should have been a little more sensitive about it but you dont need approval from them.

Post # 12
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Ayaden: I would try not to let it bother you. Remember it’s never going to be as important to you as it is to everyone else. You take care of your planning and that should be enough.

However, I do agree that you have plenty of time. I got engaged and got married in 9 months and planned quite an elaborate wedding. I’m a VP for a large company and I work 80 hours a week. Everyone is busy.

Post # 13
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can understand where you’re coming from, I was having a similar problem with my FI’s family up until this point. I have 9 months until my wedding, but like you wanted to start planning ahead. I felt like they weren’t interested or excited about our wedding, even though I knew that they love me. But now that I am REALLY starting to plan and his parents know that the date is getting closer and closer, they are really stepping up and so is his family. I just went and purchased my wedding gown with my Future Mother-In-Law, who actually paid for the dress. We discussed that she was excited to be a part of the experience, and later talked about all they would do for us as in paying for things and what not.

I guess my point is, don’t give up or get too discouraged. I would start planning what you can, and have your Fiance talk to his parents separately, and just get them interested in it. It may take time for them to get warmed up, if that makes sense, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t care or don’t want to be involved. I realy do wish you the best and hope that things get better for you. I would say get all of your DIY projects out of the way, anf for example, if you finish a DIY thing, show them! That’s what I did with my DIY bouttonneires, I showed my Future Mother-In-Law them and I think that is what sparked her interest more becuase she felt important and like se was actually a part of the planning instead of just there to help pay. So I wouldn’t stress too much, I’m sure things will fall into place, and you will have PLENTY of time to get everything done. 🙂 Good luck and I wish you the best with your planning!

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