Post # 1
So long story short about a month ago i saw my out of state cousin. She asked about our wedding date and i gave it to her. She mentioned her daughter was also getting married in the same month but that she hadnt picked the date yet. After much thought I decides to reach out to the other bride to let her know we had picked our date. Come to find out.. they picked the same date. She is worried family will have to pick between who’s wedding they attend and she asked me if we would be willing to change our date.
I’m not worried about it cause again she lives out of state and most of our family isn’t into traveling (weird I know) I explained to her that we really can’t change the date.. we picked it for multiple reasons. IMO family willing to travel should go. It isnt that I don’t want them at mine they will certainly be missed but what is most important to me is Fiance and I. As long as we are married at the end of the day it was done right! Whomever joins us to celebrate great but I’m not gonna get butthurt if fam. flys out to her wesdding instead. I will be super happy for her. Anyhow, I reassured her I will urge everyone who has the means to go to hers but I haven’t heard from her since. Am I being a jerk for not willing to be more flexible?
Post # 3
No, sounds like your aunt knew ahead of time and could have easily said “hey, it needs to be the be the next weekend, hour cousin has already picked her date”
i personally wouldn’t worry.
Post # 4
I don’t think you are being a jerk at all. You set your date before you knew hers (I am not sure if she knew your date before she set hers?) and you are not trying to convince family members to attend yours and skip hers. The only really difficult decision would be if your grandparents (who I think would be her great grandparents?) have to choose between the two weddings.
Post # 5
@HappyORBride: Have either of you put any money down on a venue?
Post # 6
Exactly what I was thinking. Her parents and sibling will be at hers and my parents and sibling will be at mine. We only have one shared grandparent and she is unanle to travel financially and physically. Anyone else I am totally urging everyone else to go to hers if they can.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2014 - Philadelphia, PA
I think you’ve handled it well and are encouraging your mutual family members to attend your cousin’s wedding. And I definitely agree with PP’s that your aunt could have very easily told her that the date was already taken by you.
Post # 8
It’s commendable that you aren’t offended if different family members opt to attend your cousin’s wedding. It’s nice to see a level-headed approach. Hopefully, this helps cut down on any potential drama.
Post # 9
she has not, at least not that I am aware of. We have not either although we believe we have found the venue we want and they have that date available. We entertained other dates but it was picked in part by exclusion… not summer months because he wants a cooler month, not March because spring break has always been spring break family time, etc.etc.
Thank you to everyone who has responded. I feel guilty and kinda mean but.. I’m usually a big push over and tend to cater to others. Standing up for myself typically feels uncomfortable because I don’t often do it. I appreciate everyone’s opinions. 🙂
Post # 10
@HappyORBride: No, you’re not being a jerk. I think she was being a bit of a jerk to even ask. If she’s upset about having the same date, she should change.
Post # 11
When I clicked this thread, I was like Oh no not a again, another bee who feels the world revolves around her and entitled to a certain date for her wedding! Then I clicked and read this and NO you are not over reacting and handled this so well and sweetly! so BRAVO to you and being mature and awesome about this. Sorry too many bees feel otherwise!
Post # 12
No you’re not being a jerk. You selected your date first, and she could just as easily opt to change her date as well. I think that would be the fair thing to do, so family members don’t have to make the tough choice, but either way, you were nice enough to give her the heads up, and if she’s unwilling to change, than why would you be willing to?
On a side note, it may have been a typo, but the line where you wrote “I’m not gonna get butthurt if fam. flys out …” has me laughing and I can’t stop:) thanks for that.
Post # 13
@HappyORBride: It sounds to me like YOU picked the date first- then SHE came along and picked the same one (for her own reasons or whatever….who knows)- but NO you are NOT a jerk for not being more flexible.
We had picked a specific date (which we are NOT getting married on) for our own reasons- turns out my sister and her hubby of 2 years has *tentatively* planned a 2 year later honeymoon- they would be arriving home the day of our wedding.
We had a lot of reasons for our date- some personal, some because there are babies being born – you can’t change that date!- partially for grandparents.
And then my sister and her husband (who ALWAYS make the world revolve around them)- who hadn’t even booked this trip—make me change our date. FI’s mom was like “stick to your guns”. My mom said the same thing. My closest friends- told me to stick to our date- my sister could have come home TWELVE hours early from her not-yet-booked-trip so we could get married on the day we wanted to. I would have paid if the tickets cost more to book that day- I offered. But she HAD to have her extra 12 hours of vaca- which in turn led me feeling forced to change the date.
I don’t want to sound selfish, but our wedding day- well I feel we should be able to get married the day that WE choose- but I felt like we were changing dates to make everyone happy but us. I think it’s great your’re sricking to your date!!
Post # 15
@HappyORBride: I dont think so you told your date when you were told they didnt set one … now to me it sounds like it was your date 1st maybe she should think of moving hers
she should be speaking with you i hope its just she has not had a chance to get back to yet … i am very sorry for it all happening that way itsa shame the other events are on the same day but hopeully both are amazin
Post # 16
Are you kidding? This one of the few reasonable threads that I’ve ever read on here about wedding date conflicts. You did nothing wrong.
Your cousin was completely out of line for daring to ask.