Post # 1
First off, before I come off sounding like a prude, i’m not.
I’ve been to strip clubs, my fiancee has been to strip clubs, we’ve had lap dances, etc.. All of this before we got together.
It came up a couple of months ago (before we were engaged) that she would want strippers/strip club experience for her bachelorette party. I want nothing like this for a bachelor party. I’ve outgrown that part of me and frankly the only naked woman I want in front of me is her. I love her and all I see is her. So naturally it kind of bothers me that she would want strippers. I told her this and asked if we could not do strippers and she got mad/upset and it led to a fight. We haven’t talked about it since.
My question; i guess mostly for the ladies, is why would you want strippers? Is it a big deal to have them? My fiancee has always wanted her own bachelorette party and I think she’s looking forward to that more than our wedding reception, lol.
I don’t want to come off as a jealous, untrusting asshole, but as I said the idea of another naked woman to me, makes me feel that I wouldn’t want a naked man in front of her, grinding on her either.
Just looking for thoughts. I want her to be happy and I want us to fully trust each other too. Just one of those odd areas that seems very gray for many.
Post # 2
Just for context, is she talking about going to a male strip club or a female one?
ETA: I now see you said naked man. Would you be ok if she went to a strip club and didn’t get a lap dance? I went to “Thunder Down Under” in Vegas for my bachelorette and it was honestly so much fun, but getting a lap dance was certainly off limits! And that show also doesn’t have men take off their underwear so they’re not completely naked. Honestly it’s really fun going to a male strip club so I see why she’d want to, but if you’re really against it then she’ll need to respect that. My husband was fine with me going to the strip show as long as I didn’t get a lap dance. It’s all about establishing boundaries.
Post # 3
What are you afraid would happen if she had strippers?
I dont do strippers. I dont understand the ‘excitement’ of wanting them and personally, if my man did not want me to have them, I would not because I feel like it’s such a small thing to compromise on and without any cost to me.
However, if you DO trust her, I wonder why it bothers you so much.
Post # 4
To each their own, but I would worry that you expressed your valid concern to her and she got defensive about it. Its not controlling to want an SO that doesnt want strippers at her bachelor’s party. It’s okay if you both are okay with it, but since you aren’t, this would be a big deal for me. I’d feel like my SO wasn’t listening to me or taking me seriously in this situation.
Have you done any sort of premarital counseling?
Post # 5
See, that’s something that’s always baffled me. I get if someone just doesn’t like stripping for moral reasons(objectifying women). But if you don’t want your SO to have a bachelor/bachelorette party because you don’t trust them…then wtf are you marrying them? If anything if someone DOES happen you’ll have dodged a bullet.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Honestly I’ve never found even the thought of some guy gyrating his sweaty balls in my face at all appealing nor is the thought of watching strange men dry hump a stage so I have no desire to experience it. But if other women love it more power to them.
Edit: Misread, thought the stripping thing was acceptable throughout your relationship. Since it isn’t I would let her know exactly why you don’t feel comfortable with this and also listen to her reasons for wanting it. Avoiding the issue isnt going to help.
Post # 8
Different people have different standards/lines they do not want to cross. If she will not respect this line, I suggest you have a serious conversation with her. Just like a woman should have a serious conversation with her future husband if he wants to do something she’s uncomfortable with.
I would not marry someone who does not hold the same sexual values as me, or at least respect them and step back.
Post # 9
I totally agree with you & you aren’t wrong or controlling for not wanting strippers at her bach party..
The point is not why are you worried, but WHY does she feel the need to see a man take his clothes off, wave his junk in her face and possibly give her a lap dance? If you are ready to get married & commit to someone WHY do you feel the need to have a random person sexually arouse you? It’s immature IMO.
Post # 10
Before I answer questions like this, I always try to think of them with the genders reversed. If a woman was on here saying “My fiancé wants to have strippers at his bachelor party but it makes me uncomfortable”, we’d of course have the few predictable people saying “What’s the big deal? Get over it, don’t be controlling”, but I think the vast majority of us would be saying that he needs to respect her wishes.
While I do think there is a difference between male strippers with females (traditionally a “novelty” and less of a sexual thing) and female strippers with males (very often a sexual thing), if it makes you uncomforable, this is something you need to address.
Unlike some PPs, I don’t see this as a trust thing- it’s not like you don’t trust that she would not hook up with the stripper, it’s that it makes you feel kind of gross that she would want another man grinding on her. I totally get that. I trust my fiancé 100%. If there are strippers at another person’s bachelor party, I wouldn’t expect him to sit it out, but it would make me unhappy if he demanded having strippers at his own.
Post # 11
We have so many bachelor party horror stories on here, it’s nice to hear from a man who can actually have a good time without having to debase himself and devastate the woman claims he loves.
It’s perfectly reasonable for you to express your feelings to your fiancée. She’s going to do what she’s going to do. You’ll have to decide what you can live with.
Post # 12
Also want to chime in and say that your reservations are legitimate. A large part of a relationship is based on trust, but it’s also based on respecting each others boundaries and reservations.
I personally think that trust and boundaries are separate issues.
I trust my partner, but it would definitely bother me if there was a scantily clad girl giving him a lap dance. Not because I don’t trust my partner, but because I think that’s not something someone in a monogamous relationship, who makes a pledge of some kind to only be sexually active with their partner should be doing. I wouldn’t be comfortable RECEIVING a lap dance or whatever for the same reason.
Having a sweaty stranger rub his groin on me while simulating sex acts is the exact opposite of what I find to be sexy or exciting. That defies the boundaries of a monogamous relationship. Expressing your reservations about something like this that is out of your comfort level, out of what you consider normal in your relationship and makes you uncomfortable doesn’t make you controlling.
It sounds like you need to have a good conversation with your partner.
Post # 13
Meh, to each their own. I personally don’t like male strippers. Naked gym rats dancing like the Backstreet Boys in front of me just makes me uncomfortable and annoyed.
Even if I did enjoy them, I would respect my FH’s wishes if he didn’t want me to have them at my bachelorette. After all, when your committed to spending your life with someone, you should be mindful of their feelings and be adult enough to make compromises.