(Closed) She Wants Two Showers?!!!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
16191 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I had multiple showers, but that’s because multiple people offered to host (and pay!). Ultimately, she can’t require or demand that you host her a second shower. It’s already very generous that you are throwing her the first. I’d nicely tell her that due to time and money, you’re not able to host an additional shower in July, but if her future mother-in-law wants to throw one, maybe you’ll help her set with set up on the day of? (If you can commit to that.)


Post # 4
7276 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If her Future Mother-In-Law wants to throw one then she should be hosting it. Are her in- laws invited to the one you are hosting?

Post # 5
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had 2 showers, one planned by my Maid/Matron of Honor and a little help from one bridesmaid (one was Out of Town, and the other was pregnant and just didn’t volunteer) and the 2nd shower was one my Future Mother-In-Law wanted so she and her friends planned that one on their own.

If the Future Mother-In-Law wants to plan it then let her, you don’t have to plan 2 though. I even told my BM’s they didn’t need to come to the 2nd one even though they were invited. One did because she’s my SIL so it was planned by her Mother-In-Law too, and the other came because she’s got way too big of a heart!

Post # 6
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m sorry but the bride sounds very controlling and selfish.  I’ve never heard of a bride tell or even ask someone to give her a shower.  If someone offers, wonderful, but she should have no involvement in essentially trying to plan a shower for herself.  Secondly, if you have volunteered to throw her a shower, that is great, but it is beyond inappropriate for her to expect you to host a second shower!  As a bridesmaid, you should be invited to all showers, and she should be gracious that you are hosting a shower, being in her wedding and possibly attending a shower thrown by her Future Mother-In-Law (not even getting to how it violates all etiquette rules for a mother of the bride or mother of the groom to throw a shower!).  You are not being unreasonable one bit, and the bride seems to have serious control issues!  I feel bad for you having to deal with this added stress when it sounds like you have enough on your plate and already going above and beyond for her.

Post # 7
10601 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Is she requiring or requesting?  Maybe she’s hoping the BMs who didn’t help out much before will for this one?

Some of the close people to the bride like the wedding party do attend 2 or more showers, but they aren’t expected to give gifts at both!

Post # 8
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I want two bank accounts full of money but it’s not happening.

I would just tell her if she wants the second shower hosted by her Future Mother-In-Law then it will have to be organized and funded by her Future Mother-In-Law. Don’t make it emotional, state it as fact. You’ve done what you could for round one, and now you don’t have the resources required for a second. End of story.

Maybe I’m just reading all the crazy posts today but it sounds like it’s crazy season for bridezillas today!

Post # 9
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@EmilyJoy:  first of all, since when does the bride get to have any input on her own shower? WTF is that? A bride should never expect/ ask for a shower, let alone 2! If her Future Mother-In-Law wants to throw her a shower that’s on her. It is not your responsibility to get involved. Show up if you are invited and your schedule allows it, and that’s it. Don’t give her gifts for 2 showers. I can’t believe the nerve of some people!

Post # 10
8861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@EmilyJoy:  why aren’t you splitting the cost of the first shower with the other bridesmaids.  tell everyone that this is the price and what you expect from them.


then, tell the bride, if she wants a second shower by her Future Mother-In-Law, then the Future Mother-In-Law can plan, host, and pay for it.

but all in a nice way,





Post # 11
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I do not belive you are obligated to attend both showers. If her Mother-In-Law wants to throw a shower, that’s great…tell the bride that Mother-In-Law can take care of all that business.

Post # 12
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I had three showers all hosted and paid for by different people who wanted to throw one. This double shower thing could be nice for your BMs as they are hosting one and can then attend the other one as a guest only, meaning they can relax and enjoy.

Is the bride asking the BMs to financially contribute to both showers? I would talk with her to see what is expected of you and the other BMs when it comes to the Future Mother-In-Law shower.

Post # 13
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There’s nothing wrong with having two showers… but like others said, there IS something wrong with the bride requiring any certain person to host or help pay for them!

Post # 14
46647 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Aquaria:  Actually there are quite a few Bees who are demanding  a lot of input into their showers.


@EmilyJoy:  If your shower is being hosted by the bridal party, then I would ask them all to contribute. If it is being hosted by you and the Maid/Matron of Honor, the costs should be shared.

You under no obligation to host one shower, much less two. Simply tell the bride that it is not possoble for you to plan or host another shower. Tell her that you will be happy to attend and offer assistance if the Future Mother-In-Law plans a shower. You do not need to give a gift.

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