(Closed) She was after him—hooks out! Little long, but I need advice

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you have reacted the same way, given my situation?
    No, I wouldn't have said anything. You were probably over-reacting. : (5 votes)
    9 %
    No, I would have confronted her directly. : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Yes, you needed to make your feelings clear. : (47 votes)
    87 %
    Other. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2335 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I don’t think I’d hold her actions on Facebook against him- he doesn’t control her.

    It *would* piss me off he he lied to me about messaging her while he was at work, though. If you’re not doing something wrong, there’s no need to lie about it.

    However, your Darling Husband seems like a decent guy- I mean, he deleted her completely from his facebook because it was making you uncomfortable, and I assume you didn’t even ask him to do that.

    So I think you’re probably fine; I doubt he’s cheating or anything.

    Post # 5
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    you didn’t ask him to delete her, so it’s not on your shoulders. I feel more uncomfortable with him deleting her than just actually telling her she needs to chill. because now she’s gonna wonder why he just cut her off like that, and as doesn’t match with her past image of him she’s going to assume it’s you. and he probably won’t deny that! then he gets to keep being the nice guy, win/win.

    I mean, what raises red flags for me is the fact he told you he hadn’t been talking to her but he HAD, late at work at night. why didn’t he just message her openly in front of you? why did he have to hide it away at work? and then lie about it? I really really find that fishy. you are right to be furious, I would be too.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2269 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If I were in your situation, I would be livid and would have reacted very similarly to you – he lied to you about something he knew you were uncomfortable with – not okay.

    That said, if he’s deleted her of Facebook (of his own accord) and apologised for lying previously, I think you need to let it go. I would however make sure that you are in agreement that if/when she contacts him, he is to tell you immediatly.

    Edited to add: From my experience, men often don’t look at a situation like this and think “Wow, that was inappropriate, I should tell her not to behave that way/say that” etc. They usually think either; “Weird and uncomfortable, I better not say anything – I don’t want to create drama” or more commonly; “Nothing” because they don’t even register that the situation/comment was inappropriate.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1385 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Girl, I’d be mad as heck at my fiance if he did that. I find it inappropriate. I know that I am not the only woman that he finds attractive, but I would find it disrespectful to me if he was telling another woman that she is the best looking x year old he knows. The point of marriage vows is that you are vowing to be monogamous to your spouse and no more flirting/inappropriate comments/etc etc to anyone else ever again, assuming you aren’t swingers or live an alternative lifestyle. Anyhow, no I do not think you are overreacting. I think he knows that he was being inappropriate and feels badly about it and is trying to convince himself that he was just being nice. There is a fine line between nice and inappropriate and I think he crossed that line. But he did not cheat on you, so I wouldn’t be too mad for too long. I would probably keep tabs for a while though because I am crazy in that way to be honest. i hope he can see why you are so bothered by this and fixes it. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Your spidy senses were right…Women are such a trip when they know a man that got away. It all starts off innocent and because the men dont suspect anything. After about a month or two the will say “that night you came up to my office and fooled around I wished something more happened”. Cut that BITCH OFF AT THE KNEES!!!! I am glad your Fiance understands how you feel and deleted her from his page.

    I have not experienced this because I dont trust any women around my Fiance and vice versa so when he is home we are constantly together. There is no room for some heffa to start anything.

    We trust each other but I know first hand that when people see a happy couple they get jealous and will try to find a way to cause division. I was in a 14 year relationship and everyone knew us as a couple and women who I thought were decent waited until they thought we were together long enough and slowly one by one started to flirt with him. He would tell me but it just shocked me so now I trust no one.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1385 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @goldie.girl:  GOOD! What a weasel she is. And men are so stupid and naive sometimes. She’s jealous of you and your happiness. You just have to remind your husband that women aren’t as innocent or friendly as he thinks. I’ve been through something somewhat similar and I really feel for you. Glad he deleted her! And beauty + money doesn’t = happiness so even though you feel like she’s gorgeous and makes more money, you have something that she doesn’t so too bad for her. And that’s why she’s jealous of you.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @goldie.girl:  This chick is jealous because she is not the one and she is trying to go through the back door so he wouldnt suspect what she was doing. Her looks have nothing to do with a fat lip that she would get the next time she attempts. Sometimes the wife/FI has to speak up because these women are so bold and you have to get bold. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1385 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @goldie.girl:  That’s right! And obviously he thinks you’re way more awesome than she is because he met you after her and chose you! CoolLaughing

    The topic ‘She was after him—hooks out! Little long, but I need advice’ is closed to new replies.

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