- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Hi bees! I’m feeling a little guilty and I need some opinions!
Here’s the situation. Before my husband and I even met he had “a thing” for a woman where he used to work. I believe from things that he has told me that the feeling was mutual, but neither ever really acted on it. For example, he used to go “visit” in the department where she worked, give her back rubs, flirt, etc. They bought each other Christmas gifts and exchanged Birthday cards. When she was ending a rough relationship, they were setting in her car talking one night when her ex showed up and my husband (granted not my husband or anything to me at the time) confronted him and they almost got in a fight). Another time, while she was working ALONE in her department, he went up to see her and they almost “did some stuff”, but didn’t. “Did some stuff” is a direct quote from my husband, not 100% sure what that means, but I can imagine, and quite frankly, it makes me nauseous! Anyway, right before he and I started dating, she found him on facebook and they started chit-chatting, according to him, mostly about working where they both used to work, mutual friends, etc. I was fine with that. Don’t get me wrong, I have my own insecurities, and the fact that she is GORGEOUS and makes significantly more money than me, doing what I eventually want to do, made me a little uneasy, but ok. I noticed several instances where she would IMMEDIATELY post comments or like pictures THE SECOND he posted them, and I’m not exagerating. I can only assume that she had subscribed to him. And some of her posts contained jargon that I would reserve for someone that I had feelings for, like calling him honey or darline or sweetie and making other comments about how good he looked. I fumed, but didn’t say much. Then one day while we in the car, he asked me to open up his facebook messages on his phone to get a phone number for him. I guess he didn’t know that she had private messaged him, but as soon as I opened my inbox THERE SHE WAS! He had recently told me that they didn’t speak and hadn’t in a while, but I noticed that given the dates and times of the messages that he had been messaging her while he was at work at night. She had said some things about how wonderful he was and how much she missed him. Messages from when we first started dating talked about how they should get together for dinner and he said he was willing to drive near where she lives (over an hour from where he lives) to meet her. He messaged her on her Birthday and said she was the best looking however old she was woman he knew. The list of, in my eyes, inappropriate things went on and on. Needless to say, I was FURIOUS and I let him know about it. He said he didn’t “see” what she was saying as inappropriate and said he was just being nice as she was ending another bad relationship. I said I didn’t care if she was divorcing Satan himself, she could find another man to make her feel better about herself and that if she was so desperate from that kind of attention from a man getting ready to get married that she had real problems. He stopped messaging her, from what he told me, and I’ll be honest and admit that I snooped a couple times, and found no evidence of him talking to her behind my back. A few weeks ago, she started popping up on his facebook wall again, pictures, stasuses, etc. I told him that she was making me very uncomfortable and that I thought he should say something to her, but instead he deleted her completely. Do you ladies think I was, as he said once, “acting a little crazy”?
As a backstory, I have been cheated on in the past, and back then, I didn’t trust my gut. These days, I always go with my gut, and I IMMEDIATELY got a bad feeling about her…