(Closed) Sheepishly asking for help – Feeling lame I can’t make up my mind re: guest list

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Pretending you made the guest list will only make them aware of their maybe yes, maybe no status. I think you’ve got to decide or pray it doesn’t come up.

How many people are going to be at your wedding? If it’s 500, it’s hard not to include them. If it’s smaller, you can tell them you’re keeping the guest list small. AFter all, that’s what Girl B did! I’m a huge proponent of not inviting people you don’t want to. But then again, I had four guests. On the other hand, we didn’t have any guest-stress either.

Post # 4
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmmm that’s a tough one. Are your numbers really tight so that just sucking it up and inviting Girl B for the sake of having Girl A wouldn’t really be that big a deal? I think that, if it comes up tomorrow, definitely don’t say anything one way or the other. If they ask you directly, ugh that would be annoying but you’ll have to just come up with something about I don’t know maybe space constraints at the venue and trying to figure out what the capacity is or something like that…maybe you’re still working out your wedding budget? Basically don’t commit to anything when you see them. I think, since you really do want Girl A there, she should get an invite, but you have an easy excuse with Girl B since she didn’t invite you to her wedding. What could she possibly say to you if you don’t invite her? She has no right to be upset about it if you didn’t get an invite to her wedding.

Post # 5
1580 posts
Bumble bee

What is the target number for your guest list?

Maybe looking at it practically will help. How much per person is it costing you? Sometimes it helps to put a price on it. Like if it is $50 per guest, and each has to bring a guest, thats $200 to invite them. Is it worth it?

I wouldn’t worry too much about not being invited to Girl B’s second wedding. Sometimes people don’t think the fuss is necessary over a second wedding.

I think you could totally buy yourself some time by saying you haven’t decided on the guest list, and you are unsure of how many friends you will be able to invite due to limited space at the venue, and your families would never forgive you if you didn’t invite all the family members first.

Post # 6
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I feel ya! I had a few people on my list like this and it was even more complex. I decided to invite them all in the end. I think not inviting them would have ended the friendships and I wasn’t quite ready to do that.

It sounds like this is the case with you. Would it end the friendships if you didn’t invite them? Are you ready to do that?

Post # 7
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d tell them it’s going to be a small, family-only wedding… even if that’s not true. 😉 You can always invite them later, saying, whaddaya know, we decided to make it bigger!

Post # 10
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I would wonder why you are having such trouble making up your mind… do you want to invite your friends, or your “friends”? Is it really expected? By whom? I think there is more to the story or more to your cutting of the guest list.

Unfortunately, it seems like these women are closer to each other than they are to you (or at least it comes across that way, with the whole “package deal” thing)… I mean one of them got married and didn’t even tell you about it. Who are you worried about offending?

I say, be non-commital about it for now (as in, be vague). Your wedding is a year away. Who knows what will happen? When it gets closer to the time you’ll send the invites, see if you have room for them.

Post # 11
350 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the others, just give a non-commital answer like you haven’t really started planning anything yet, or you were thinking of having only your families there or something like that.

Hopefully at least the one that had the small wedding will know better!

Post # 12
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you think they want to celebrate your marriage and happiness and are not totally irrelevant, AND you have the $ and space to accommodate them, then I think its a fine gesture to throw the ball in their court so to speak.

On the other hand, if you are uncomfortable with inviting them then don’t. Just be prepared that they might not want to continue the relationship that you are currently have if they are hurt by being left out.

Post # 13
350 posts
Helper bee

So, how did it work out with your friends this weekend?  Were you able to deflect their questions?

The topic ‘Sheepishly asking for help – Feeling lame I can’t make up my mind re: guest list’ is closed to new replies.

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