Post # 1
I’m sitting here at my desk, looking at a family picture that was recently taken, and laughing at my brother. Not in a ha ha, your funny looking sort of way, but laughing because of the amount of joy on his face. It reminds me of when I asked him to be in the wedding party.
Ok, lets back up a beat here. Two and a half years ago I remember my cousin asking me if I would be a bridesmaid and be a part of her fabulous wedding party. Hive I was seriously shocked, not in the sense of why would you pick me, but shocked in the way that I was so filled with joy and so happy that she would want me to be an integral part of her day! I then remember being around when she had asked other ladies and their reaction left me awestruck. Instead of being excited, they kind of took it like…well, here goes time I could spend doing something else. Kind of like a chore, with the attitude of, you should be thanking me for saying yes.
I also had that reaction with a girl or two, and in the other two weddings I am within months of our own wedding, their are girls in the other parties that act the same way. When did this become a chore for people? This isn’t my first rodeo, but I still feel honored that people love me that much that they want me to stand up with them. Then I think of how excited my brother was to find out. You honestly couldn’t have taken that smile off if you tried.
Has anyone else noticed how people are not taking this role seriously? Or was it quite the opposite for you and everyone just portrayed pure joy?
Post # 3
I totally agree with you!! I’m always so blown away to be asked to be in the wedding party. I get excited to help out in anyway they need, to just be there for this person that loves me so much they want me on the alter with them as they change their lives FOREVER!! it’s amazing to me.
I just don’t get the other kinds of people that aren’t excited or are put off by the invite. I’m so glad i don’t understand them!!! haha
Post # 4
@upstatebroad: I can understand what you mean; the way people reacted to my sister’s wedding in the wedding party broke my heart; she doesnt even talk to the person who was a witness on the paperwork. I know Im her sister, but I was so honored to be there for her, especially since I was too young to help with anything really. I also have had some very negative reactions to just the idea of me being engaged (the fear of bridesmaidsdom? I have no idea).
I find it disheartening how far brides on Bee go for bridesmaids and yet, here we are with stories of people just rather not being a part of it. Its their feelings and they are allowed to say no, but I can understand the disappointment for sure.
Either way your Brother sounds like a gem! 😀
Post # 5
@HisIrishPrincess: I love helping out other brides and the whole process. But I have some girls I haven’t seen in months, and in no way show any interest in wanting to be a part of the day. I understand everyone is busy, but that is everyone, you’re no different from anyone else. You can’t stop over, ask how planning is going, or make a phone call? That’s what I don’t get.
@Bellanouva: My brother and FI’s brother are both gems. Both so excited, they want to know every detail, know when they can get their tuxes, and are super pumped to wear purple argyle socks!
Post # 6
@upstatebroad: I understand the not checking in; Its been MONTHS since I heard back from anyone of my friends about the recent (great!) developments in my relationship- no hows it going? so whats new?- its dishearting to say the least. Honestly I think for me its the reality of “shes getting married- reassess myself!” or perhaps in your case, its a combo of that, and perhaps also the recent stigma of weddings (which I despise) that its a reckoning filled with Bridezilla moments instead of a celebration; its sad that people think negatively of weddings so often in that regard.
However, I find your Bro and BIL to sound absolutely adorable! I love it when men especially get excited about weddings; it seems so rare, but I think guys enjoy it just as much as the ladies, if not more!….And I totally have to see pics of the socks! 😀
Post # 7
@Bellanouva: You worded it perfectly! I always thought of wedding as a celebration, not a chore. I think it just makes me sad that some (not all) of the people we chose to stand with us that day seem to think of it that way, a chore, rather than a celebration.
And I will def post pics when I get home!
Post # 8
I can see both sides. Once I was asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and I’m pretty sure it was to fill a quota so they could have an even number of Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen. She’s family, so I felt obligated to say yes. It’s not that I don’t like her or that I wasn’t happy for her, I just don’t know her all that well, so I wasn’t super excited.
In every other case, though, I’ve been thrilled. :o)
Post # 9
@upstatebroad: And it really is such a celebration isnt it? I dont think I have seen my sister more happy and more content than she was on her wedding day; finally being with the person she loves; and having all those people standing with them; As a guest that part of a wedding just melts me. Im a big sucker for intimate or family weddings- never a dry eye. Theres something about the kind of joy thats in that room (much like your Brother’s!) that stays with you and reminds you of what to really enjoy in life!
“Eat, Drink and most of all, Be MERRY!” (or Married lol)
It is sad that people think about it that way, but I guess like a previous PP said, some look at it like an obligation (family ties?) but I think that in most cases its really a matter of not seeing the essence of what a wedding truly is; its not you spending a load of money on a dress, or buying several gifts- there are weddings like that. But most of all, its about you being there for the couple, and enjoying the love in the room.
Either way there will be purple argyle loving and other wonderful people to stand up with you 😀 and thats whats awesome about it.
Post # 10
I haven’t been in a wedding since I was a flower girl, but my best friend has been in several, and she often felt like an afterthought. It was the weddings where there were a ton of maids, where the bride had a kooky personality and no one knew what to expect, and where they had to do these crazy tasks to please her that made her less than excited. When I told her I was engaged, she was over the moon and joyous to be a bridesmaid, as were the others.
I think it depends on your relationship (are you sisters/best friends or more distant friends/acquaintances). It also depends on the honor of being asked (small vs. large wedding party) and the bride herself (do people predict her to be demanding and impractical, or will she be easygoing and considerate).
And some people are just killjoys who make everything about them, so there’s nothing you can do about it.
Post # 11
I was in one wedding last year, and I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in June and an Maid/Matron of Honor in September, and I couldn’t have been more touched each time I was asked to be in a wedding. All of my BMs have reacted the same way I did when I was asked…a couple even cried.
However, I work with a girl that has been in 7 weddings this past year, and has complained about each one of them. I can understand that it gets to be a bit much, but I would NEVER complain about being in a wedding, and I would be hurt to hear that my BMs are complaining about being in mine. I honestly think it depends on the person and their personality. But I agree, it’s a shame that many BMs take on such a self-centered attitude.
Post # 12
@upstatebroad: What a lucky girl you are! Sounds like you have a family full of good men.
Post # 13
Well I think that a lot of it comes from it being really expensive. I was asked to be in a wedding of a friend that I wasn’t even that close with and I think I ended up shelling out almost $1000 to be a part of her special day. I think see her like twice a year now. Now I have 8 weddings from Aug 2011 to June 2012, 2 of which I’m in and all before my Nov 2012 wedding!!! I was told that I might be asked to be in a 3rd and the Maid/Matron of Honor of that bride is my best friend I told her that I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t asked because I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I talked to the Bride and she did say that she would have loved to have me be in her wedding I told her that I would be there to help her in every way a Bridesmaid or Best Man will (just save 200 bucks on a dress i’ll never wear again) and she understood. I’m still wondering how I’m going to save for my own wedding when going to all of these weddings!!!
Post # 14
@CTbride2010: Same with me. We already have 8 wedding in a span of 5 months, and ours as well. But all of these girls, except 2, have no other weddings next year. And the 2 that do are the ones that help the most.
Post # 15
not defending bad behavior here, but i think some bridesmaids may have been burned by bad brides in the past. (now if that’s not alliteration, i don’t know what is!) i’ve been a bridesmaid twice – one was a joyful experience, the other wasn’t as positive, because the bride was rather inconsiderate of all the guests overall, and it felt at times like the wedding party was treated as free labor!
the bride-bridesmaid relationship is like any other – it has to be a mutual partnership, where each is considerate and loving towards the other. when either side doesn’t reciprocate, it falls apart!!
i also don’t see a problem with turning down a bridesmaid offer. if you can’t be a happy bridesmaid, don’t force yourself.
Post # 16
I’ve never been a bridesmaid. The only reluctance I faced in assembling our wedding party was that of my son. However, he has Asperger’s, and has a horror of feeling like he’s on display or calling attention to himself. When we explained that the entire guest list would be a dozen of people–and he’d be related by blood to half of them–he calmed down.