(Closed) She’s a Bridesmaid for another wedding on the SAME DAY!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: My bridesmaid is in another wedding party on the same day, at different times. What should I do?
    Two weddings in one day? Impossible! Ask her to step down. : (35 votes)
    41 %
    Sounds like she has a plan. Keep her in the bridal party. : (51 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    She said she’d be there, so trust her to know how to make it work.

    What time are the weddings? There is no reason to feel “betrayed.” Yes, she screwed up in accepting both, but it’s her mess to clean up. You can tell her your concerns, but kicking her out might not be the best move. You’re still about 10 or so months out, so there is time to figure it out. Still, it might be wise to ask her for an exact timeline of how it’ll work. I understand your concern, but she probably has it figured out.

    That being said, weddings tend to be an all-day thing. If yours is at night and the other girl’s starts in the early morning, it could work…but like I said, ask her for an exact timeline.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Wow that is really hard.  I think that she should have told her friend that she was already a Bridesmaid or Best Man at your wedding.  That person could then have changed her date.  July 2011 is FAR AWAY!  And to accept both?  That’s a no-no.  I would talk to your friend and say that you aren’t comfortable with her being in both weddings.  Tell her you would love for her to still be in your wedding, but if she’s going to be at the other wedding as an attendant, you would ask that she step down so that you can choose someone else who will be able to focus on YOUR wedding.  I had a morning wedding.  We were done at 5pm.  So I just don’t see it working that she can run back and forth between the two!

    Post # 5
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I think maybe instead of hinting around you need to directly tell her you’re worried about timing. Be kind, and let her know you don’t want things to be hard for her and you are thinking of her needs in regards to the other wedding. And make it clear to her that you understand how close she is to her other friend and you want her to be able to do what’s important to her and not just what she was asked to do first.

    Basically, give her an out. Nicely. I’m thinking she’ll take it seeing as she is not, in fact, in the movie 27 Dresses.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    she cant do both weddings on the same day. seriously she cant. No matter how much she wants to think that its feasible its not. you can attend two weddings in one day if you are just a guest but not as a bridesmaid. she has to decide and if she cant then i would ask her to step down. because u dont want to stressed out on ur wedding day wondering where she is? being a bridesmaid isnt just abt showing up in the dress, there are pre-wedding day things she has to help with too, how can she do that for both weddings? if she really cared about you she wouldnt have accepted to be at her other friend’s on the same day. i’m sorry but i think she has to choose one wedding to be at. its not fair to you if she doesnt.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I also wanted to add that I don’t think the other bride should have to change her date just because of a bridesmaid. 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    While I agree with Statutory Grape on the fact that the other bride should not have had to change her date… I do agree that you should ask your friend to step down since she insists she should be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in that other wedding. Its chaotic on a wedding day and with the time travel, there is no way she can make both. Her priority should have been with you! Good luck!

    Post # 9
    Member
    875 posts
    Busy bee

    Just thought that I would add my two cents!  My mom had a bridesmaid who was in two weddings on the same day, and it did work!  Both brides were dear friends of the same girl and wanted her to be a special part of their big day.  My mom had the second wedding of the day and so in her photos the bridesmaid is missing from the pre wedding photos.  The other bride would have not had her in the post wedding/reception photos, but she would appear in the pre-wedding photos.  It can and has worked!  I’d trust your friend to work it out!  If the wedding is in the morning and yours is in the afternoon or evening there will be plenty of time for her to travel.  (If something zany happens like an unexpected traffic jam… you can let her know that the ceremony will go on as scheduled, but I don’t think you should ask her to step down.)  She will probably have her hair done before the other ceremony, and if she uses a good freezing hair spray… she won’t need to redo the updo!  You sound like you are planning on using your bridesmaids as worker bees the week before the wedding unless that’s a regional tradition… you may have a hard time getting them to take so many vacation days to help!

    Post # 10
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Missbliss:but how long ago was ur mom married and how much have things changed since then? i would not recommend two weddings for one bridesmaid.. its just a disaster waiting to happen. arent weddings stressfull enough without the added worry of a bm that might get caught in traffic?

    Post # 11
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Give her the out, see if she takes it, and then go from there. If she doesn’t take the out and you think that it is going to cause you unnecessary stress on your wedding day, then you need to let her know that it is not fair to you. Ultimately it is your wedding and you need to do what is best for you. I would imagine that a wedding day can be rather stressful, no need to complicate the situation. Plus, I believe that it is totally reasonable to expect your bridesmaids to be there during the prewedding events of the day, which she obviously wouldn’t be able to attend. I am so sorry you are having to worry about this!

    Post # 14
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Only my Maid/Matron of Honor will be in town before the rehearsal.  And I have no illusions about her being any help until the wedding day.  She’s great for making sarcastic comments, but practical stuff?  Not so much.  

    She’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man, not a Maid/Matron of Honor.  No foul on her part.  If you don’t think she can get changed, sure, give her an out.  But the fact that she’s even willing to try two weddings in a day speaks volumes for her friendship.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @MrsHeavyBird:

    I’m really surprised by this thread.  A bridesmaid is there to be present for your wedding day-and hopefully available for your rehearsal and shower. But the main purpose is being there on your day, and generally paying for what’s needed to be a part of the day-dress, shoes, jewelry. Generally it is not her place to have to make bouquets, centerpieces, favors etc. for the wedding.  If she is gifted at those kinds of things, and she offers to help with those types of things, I think that this is sweet-but not a requirement for being a bridesmaid.  If this woman is responsible, and there is only 1/2 hour drive between the two venues, it shouldn’t be a big deal. She obviously cares enough for both brides to want to make it work out.  It’s not that she doesn’t care.  I wouldn’t ask her to step down.  She didn’t choose the date of either wedding!

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