(Closed) She’s a Bridesmaid for another wedding on the SAME DAY!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: My bridesmaid is in another wedding party on the same day, at different times. What should I do?
    Two weddings in one day? Impossible! Ask her to step down. : (35 votes)
    41 %
    Sounds like she has a plan. Keep her in the bridal party. : (51 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 17
    2588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @MrsHeavyBird: Key word being support, not “help out with crafts and whatnot.” And it seems like she IS supporting you–by being there.

    Post # 18
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    As much as I want to say she can do both, if I were in your shoes, I’d ask to her step down. Personally, I want my Bridesmaid or Best Man to be there for me when I need her. I don’t want to have to fight for her attention. Best of luck.

    Post # 19
    722 posts
    Busy bee

    If you chose her from the beginning, isn’t it important to you that she is part of things? I don’t see why it wouldn’t work as long as she has the timing figured out. I’ve been a bridesmaid a million times and all I’ve ever had to do on the wedding day is show up, look nice and smile and maybe hold the bride’s bouquet or straighten a train.

    Post # 20
    704 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Bells:  “If she really cared about you she wouldn’t have accepted to be at her other friend’s on the same day.”  I disagree.  I think her wanting to be there for both brides prooves that she really cares about the OP.  If she didn’t care about her she would have blown her off for the girl who she’s clearly closer to as she has said that they are like sisters. 

    That being said, I think it’s doable.  If you have other bridesmaids, which you do, they can help you with whatever you need help with.  And as long as her hair is already done for the other wedding, it seems to me that all she would have to do to get ready for your wedding is change dresses.  It’s not like she’s going to go all 27 Dresses on you and be in both weddings at the same time. 

    Post # 21
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Private home

    It really depends on the wedding style – if her friend is doing a brunch wedding and you’re doing  a black tie evening wedding I don’t see why she can’t do both.  Yes she may not be at every event for either bride, but no one should have to change their date because of a bridesmaid.  And from the sound of it, you’ll have several other girls to help you out with things so it’s not like you’ll be left on your own.  I think she considers both of you to be dear enough friends that she is willing to stress herself out all day to be at both your events.  I say give her a break and tell her how thrilled you are that she’ll still be able to stand up with you on your big day.

    Post # 22
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    If she lived out of town and wasn’t able to make it in until the afternoon before the wedding, would you not have asked this friend to be in your wedding party?

    I guess it’s hard for me to understand “bridesmaid” equating to giving the bride an entire week of time, even if it is just for emotional support! (I won’t even be in town a week before my own wedding, and my bridesmaids show up 24 hours before the ceremony start.)

    Will all of your maids have matching make up and hair? I bet she can get something done that will work fine for both weddings. You asked her to be in your bridal party for a reason, I assume that reason is that she’s close to you and you want her support on your wedding day. It seems like a shame to ask her to leave because she can’t devote a whole week to your wedding.

    Post # 23
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If she’s says she can do it, trust her. You have other bridesmaids and your Maid/Matron of Honor to be there for you during the week. Yes, it was bad coicindence but she’s trying to make it work (at least she didn’t quit yours to be in the other wedding only).

    Bridesmaids don’t actually have to be at the bride’s beck and call all week. Be thankful you know this far in advance that she will be unavailable for most of that week. Plan ahead and get your stuff done before then if you want her there. If you can’t get everything done ahead (and there are some things that you can only do the week of), rely on other people around you.

    Post # 24
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I’m with the posters who say not to kick her out.

    I also don’t think a BM is obligated to do anything other than be there for the ceremony and reception. If a BM wants to help out beforehand, that’s great, but it shouldn’t be held against them if they can’t and it certainly shouldn’t be expected of them.

    Post # 25
    13563 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Sounds like she’s a good friend, and if she promised, I’d trust her.

    It stinks that she’ll be tied up with the other wedding too, but ultimately if she’s there with you on your day, that’s what’s most important.

    Post # 26
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My brother was in 2 weddings in the same day. I know its different for boys (at least it is in my opinion) but he didn’t have any trouble. The first wedding was in the AM and everything was ever and done with by 1:00pm. The next wedding was at 4:00pm. He went early was ready and it was all good. It was a similar situation. His friend asked him and then almost a year later our cousin asked. It was really a situation where he had a plan and it worked. I think if you friend has a similar plan than she’s good to go. Also what kind of things are you needing her to do the week before the wedding? I’ve been in tons of weddings and I think I was only asked once or twice to help with anything immediately before the wedding and both times it was just putting together favors.

    Post # 27
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I vote for having her stay in both weddings. It’s not her job to help you with stuff all week. I would be disappointed for her not to be there the morning of to share your special day, but try to be understanding that she wants to be there for both of you. Timing-wise she’ll have her hair done, so it would be okay if she just showed up an hour before your ceremony. If she’s a good friend I am sure she will do what she can during the week to help you out.

    Post # 28
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think if she thinks she can do it, let her try. Just have a back-up plan in case she doesn’t make it until after the ceremony (i.e. who walks with who in the recessional etc.).

    Honestly it sounds like she cares very much for you to try to balance them both. In the same situation, I probably would have opted to be in my “like-a-sister” friend’s wedding and sent my regrets to my other friend.

    I too think some people expect too much of their bridesmaids. I couldn’t imagine having to block out the whole week before my friend’s wedding next July to help her with anything. I expect I’ll be there for a rehearsal and then to help her get ready, into her dress, looking perfect, calming nerves, etc. etc. on the day of. I did offer to help with any DIY things she might want to do, but that is mostly because I don’t mind and just had my own wedding and have many  supplies and tools around my house!

    Post # 29
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Okay worst case scenario – she shows up late to your wedding or not all all or with the wrong hair/make up.  I know she’s important to you but is it worse to kick her out (has she purchased a dress in the last year?) or have her just for photos?  Even if she missed the ceremony she could still be with you.

    I’d personally let her do the figuring out of all the details since she seems to be on top of it.  If she thinks she can do it then let her try. 

    Post # 30
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

    None of my bridesmaids were available to me at all during wedding planning. One missed the rehearsal because of a class and only made it to the second half of the rehearsal dinner. I didn’t see either of them until that night before the wedding.

    If it’s super important to you to have some sort of bridal posse that’s helping you with stuff, then I guess you should give her an out. But it’s really not necessary to get married 🙂

    Post # 31
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Sounds like “Sam” has a lot to consider in this situation, and it seems like she’s doing her best to be there for BOTH of you (brides)!  I think what it comes down to is your comfort level — if you are a laid-back bride then I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  She won’t be around for as much prior to the wedding day, and she’ll miss out on the first part of your wedding day BUT she will be there for the important part and she will be by your side when you say your vows.  BUT If you’re more of perfectionist bride, with high hopes with how everyone will be there for everything that day than maybe you need to sit down and really explain your worries to her. 

    Personally, it would bother me.  But if you can’t see yourself having anyone else as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then I’d keep her.

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