(Closed) She's a Bridezilla or I'm being selfish?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Step down while you are only $250 in the hole. You will be only throwing good money after bad if you stay in, and the bride sounds like she wants a baebie doll to dress up, not an actual friend beside her.

Post # 3
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Bigger question: Why are you even friends with this person?

Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Why are you friends with her? This whole situation sounds awful. 

Post # 5
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

Honestly,  I think it was borderline foolish to commit knowing money and alcohol would be an issue.  Your values are not compatible with the bride.  If you were not planning her Bachelorette,  would you even be going? I don’t think you are being selfish,  nor do I think the bride is a bridezilla. I do think you are being stubborn by not having backed out by now.

Post # 6
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Bridezilla! I would’ve declined when I heard no one else would be her Maid/Matron of Honor. Obviously there was a reason for that. And how rude of her to make you feel like you werent her first choice!

Post # 7
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee

Personally, I don’t think I would have said yes to be someone’s Maid/Matron of Honor if

a/ she said no one else would do it – she clearly only asked you because she had no other option.

b/ I was skeptical about why she was marrying the guy in the first place. 

 

I would bail now while you are only $250 deep.

Post # 8
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Can you return the dress or sell it? I’d step down and call it a learning lesson in life. If you continue, you’re opening yourself to more drama. you would not be a quitter, just a person with the wisdom and integrity to walk away from a very bad situation with a very bad bridezilla.

Post # 9
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
RedHeadMaiden:  I agree with pp, get out while you’ve only lost $250. Also, get out of the friendship while your dignity and self-esteem are still intact. She sounds incredibly toxic and just plain mean.

Post # 10
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
Horseradish:  The bride is not your friend, from the sounds of  she never has been.  She has no respect for you at all.  I know you’ve already spent $250 but by the time the wedding arrives you’ll have spent so much more.  Who knows what she’ll want you to spend money on next? Ask yourself why nobody else wanted to be her MOH? IMO you’ve already done too much for her.  If you decide to be her Maid/Matron of Honor expect more of the same.  I don’t think that there is anything you can do or say that she’d pay attention to.  Sorry you’re being treated this way.  IMO dropping out of the wedding is the only way to respect yourself.

Post # 11
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
RedHeadMaiden:  you are not selfish. She is not a bridezilla but a flat out bitch who does not deserve your friendship. She doesn’t seem to give two shits about you or your feelings but more about your role. It’s no wonder no one else wanted to do  it 

Post # 12
Member
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Wow. She is toxic. 

Post # 13
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

I think she’s selfish, uncaring, and looking for props, not true friends to stand by her for her wedding. I think you are going above and beyond for her, but she doesnt deserve it 

Post # 14
Member
13649 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If you are determined not to step down, then you need to grow a backbone!  Practice saying “I’m sorry, that will just not be possible.”

Your job as a Maid/Matron of Honor is to show up in the dress, support her on the day, show up to rehearsal and possibly to  facilitate communication between the bridesmaids. That’s it. Taking your issues one at a time:

It is considerate to give some input into the dress as to style and budget, but unfortunately a lot of people ignore the latter and choose a dress.  It would have been gracious of her to give you the gift certificate, but I never would have challenged her on that. I would not pick this hill to die on. 

She has absolutely no right to dictate your personal appearance, including how you do your hair and makeup and whether you cut it.  If she is suggesting professional services she needs to offer to pay. Even then she cannot require it.  

Fake tan, ditto.

Nobody in their right mind will be paying attention to what is in your glass when you toast. She’s nuts, not to mention disrespectful. 

Not supporting you after your complaints about the other Bridesmaid or Best Man would be unacceptable if she was actually there and did not stand up for you.  If not, she might think there was a misunderstanding and doesn’t want to get involved in something she did not witness. But if there is no mistake, she should not tolerate her other friend saying these things to you. 

You are not required to throw a bachelorette party.They are not officially sanctioned pre-wedding events. They are totally optional and at your discretion, not hers. You don’t have to host anything you are not comfortable doing, financially or otherwise.

I’d tell your friend where you stand and say you’d like to be her Maid/Matron of Honor as defined by your understanding of what  the role is meant to be, while  limited by a modest budget.  If she has other ideas and expectations, she should feel free to let you step down. 

I could not be friends with someone like this.  

 

 

Post # 15
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

She sounds like a shitty friend and I’d tell her this right after I tell her I’m not her brideslave.

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