(Closed) She’s Just Not That Into Me

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do about my rubbish BM?
    Sack her now - just write the whole friendship off to experience : (12 votes)
    22 %
    Explain how I feel, and give her a chance to improve : (39 votes)
    71 %
    Suck it up - accept that she has other things in her life that are more important : (4 votes)
    7 %
    Other - explain below : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    From your description of her current and past behavior, she has no respect for you or your friendship. Your bridesmaids should not include that type of people who cannot be bothered to be there for you when you need them. Kick her out of the wedding and write her off as a friend as well. Unfortunately not everyone is a true friend, and you had to learn this the hard way with her so move on with your life before the wedding rolls around.

    While it is true that wedding planning is only important to the couple, that doesn’t give anyone the right or justification to completely blow you off when you do ask for help or participation with anything. This is especially true when they know full well what is going on when.

    Post # 4
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think you should let her know. If she doesn’t respond appropriately just cut her out. You really realize who your real friend are during the wedding planning process. Just let her know how all of this is making you feel. 

    Post # 5
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I learned who my true friends were from the start of my engagement up until now – meaning I kicked 2 girls out of my wedding party due to their lack of support and lack of care to anything unrelated to them – also because one was a pathological liar.

    Post # 6
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    Has she always been a bit like this, or is it just since becoming your BM? If she’s always been like this, I would probably tell her how hurt you are that she is always putting you last. That this is an important time for you and she is an important person in your life and you really need her to pull her weight. On the other hand if this is new behaviour I would guess she is jealous and/or worried about how your friendship might change once you’re married. You can have the same conversation though, it just might be a matter of figuring out what her problem is. I almost lost a friend over my behaviour during her engagement – I regret my own actions but I also wish my friend had called me on it. It would have been a good wake up call for me, even if it hurt at the time.

    If she is your Bridesmaid or Best Man she must be important to you. Are you willing to lose her friendship over this issue? Sometimes weddings teach you who your real friends are, but the emotions around them can also be intense and complicated and I’m not sure I’d end a friendship without being sure what the underlying cause is. Unless it was a friendship I wasn’t keen to continue. Good luck!

    Post # 9
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    Oy, this is so tough. I think you have only two real choice: suck it up or sack her now. Despite its popularity as a poll choice, waiting for her to improve is a losing wager. She’s had tons of opportunities and has never come through, so it seems unrealistic to expect that to start now.

    I would explore the pros and cons of the sucking it up versus sacking her now. If you suck it up you may have bad feelings on your wedding day but your friendship may improve (or return to where it was) in the future. If you sack her, it may mean the end of your friendship. It sounds like the more basic question you are trying to answer though is how much of a friendship you actually have and whether the effort required to keep is worth it to you. Good luck 🙂

    Post # 10
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If she was getting ultra defensive on the phone when you tried to explain to her how you felt, that should be a red flag to you. Bottom line, and you said it yourself, “I’m not really very happy about having her in the wedding anymore”.

    It’s your day, not hers, and she is not being a good friend, much less a good bridesmaid. cut her out, and try to move on from the friendship.

    Post # 11
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    The selfish bride in me is saying sack her now so you don’t regret having her in the pictures.  But the logical/equitte part is saying you probably have to suck it up unless you really don’t want her as a friend anymore.  Like you said, she’s always been ditsy so you shouldn’t expect her to pull though on anything except being there on your wedding day.

    Post # 14
    2742 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yeah, but make sure she goes to adjust the dress to her figure…and I’m glad everything works out. I am always sorry when bridesmaids act like this. I’m a bridesmaid for my bestie and there are only two of us and we’ve been in her life since forever. I think it hurts more when people you’ve known that long start disappointing you.

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