(Closed) She’s stealing my THUNDER!!!!!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I had my ex-MOH get engaged 6 months after me and then proceed to pick a date a week before mine even though she told me she was going to get married a month before me out of respect for my wedding. Oh and the venue had EVERY other weekend open, but she still picked the weekend before me.

It made me really upset especially b/c she then planned her honeymoon so that she’d get back a day before my wedding. How are you supposed to be my MOH? *sigh* Obviously, she bowed out after I voiced my concern. However, in your case, having her get married after you is BETTER. If anything you’ll steal her thunder (and it’ll be her fault so she can’t complain) so I wouldn’t worry too much!

Post # 34
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I don’t know,  I don’t understand what’s wrong with people expressing their honest opinions about things.  I don’t think that is necessarily a personal attack or bashing.  "Being nice" doesn’t mean agreeing with what people say or sugar coating opinions.  One good thing about these boards is that sometimes it’s good to step outside your comfort zone and have people tell you you’re being irrational – even if they do so in a blunt manner.  As brides we get so caught up in our own wedding planning that sometimes we need a smack back to reality.  Otherwise, the board would just be a bunch of co-dependents.  

In any event, glad to hear you’re feeling better about things and good luck with the wedding and all the planning.

Post # 35
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Callalillies, I understand you just wanted people to commiserate with you, and when some didn’t you felt attacked.  To be fair, you did ask what should you do, and at some point you said that this situation was causing you to cry all through work.  From your updates, it wasn’t obvious to me that you weren’t still as "hung up" on this as it seemed.

I think most of the posters you felt attacked by were genuinely trying to help you.  Yes, perhaps they were not as artful or delicate with your feelings as you may have preferred, but you asked for advice.  Sometimes what is best for people, when they’re being irrational, is for others to be honest with them and tell them when they’re wrong.  Also, some of the posters advised you to calm down, not to worry, and to try to relax and just enjoy yourself.  From other posters’ perspective, you did seem to be worked up over this whole thing.  A lot of us didn’t think that your situation was as big a deal as you seemed to.  So they were honest with you and told you that, and suggested that you do something to alleviate your stress because, as we all know, weddings are stressful enough as it is.

To be fair, yes, sandpaper tongue’s comment did seem to violate the no snarkiness rule.  Maybe she shouldn’t have said it.  But it was funny.  Sometimes people can help us the most by getting us to laugh at ourselves a little bit and not take ourselves so seriously.

Post # 36
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

The way I see it, she moved her date to the weekend after yours because your BF/FI voiced his objections.  So she obviously took your feelings into consideration.  She just probably had no idea how upsetting picking anything in October would make you.  From the sound of it, October works out the best for her schedule and she was attempting to be respectful of your day.  Picking a date after your wedding meant that everything she does will be compared to yours (and if you have similar favors/food/events, etc, it would seem like she’s copying you).  I don’t think that it is ideal for any bride to follow another act so quickly so I do think she was trying to be respectful of your feelings as much as possible. 

Post # 37
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

thanks callalilies… luckily, it did work out since I had two MOH’s. The other gladly stepped in as the sole MOH!

Post # 38
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Okaaay, I actually don’t see anything here that I think is snarky or nasty.  People are giving their opinion, sometimes with a little humor included.  Some people agree, some people don’t, most recognize that since there is nothing you can really do about this, the most constructive solution is to let it go. You are going to have a great many stressful moments before you’re done planning, and I think that what most people are trying to say is that if you make a practice of getting upset over things you can’t really control, you’ll be a basket case before it’s done.

I think if you read many of the posts on this board, you’ll see that people try to be respectful, but also give their opinion.  They don’t always agree with each other; that’s how life goes.  We could all tell you that this is the most heinous thing that we’ve ever heard, and that you would be justified in taking a contract out on her; that your wedding is clearly ruined and you might as well just go to the courthouse now, but one thing the girls on this board are good at is putting things in perspective.  Because of that, I think that when you go online to vent over something relatively non-catastrophic, you probably will get responses like you see here.  If I can say this without sounding insulting, all the responses I have seen to serious problems are appropriately serious and sympathetic.  Your problem just really isn’t all that earth-shaking, and by next week or next month at the latest I hope you also come to that conclusion.

Post # 39
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Amen to that livvie !  I read this post when it first went up, but chose to keep my opinion to myself.  (which happens to be of the "seriously you only get the day, not the month, it’s not the end of the world")   However just like Callalillies has the right vent, readers have the right to voice their opinions as well.  I doubt anyone is disagreeing with you to be mean, they are just trying to bring a little perspective.  I’d be willing to bet that in a month or so time, your going to realize that your being a little over dramatic…. no offense of course, we’re all welcome to have minor wedding related meltdowns every now & then!

Post # 40
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Calling you a loon was a joke. I simply meant that you needed to chill out and stop acting crazy about it. My mother taught me manners and to be gracious to others. She also taught me, as an only child, that some day the world would stop rotating around me. Even though she did, it was a shock when it happened. 🙂 I just think you need to chill out and enjoy your wedding planning. Put all this energy into making your wedding so much better than hers will be. That will serve her right!

Post # 41
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

From what you’ve said, it sounds like your FH’s cousin must get married in the same month as you, and instead of being pissed off, you should assume she’s not doing it to bait you, feel sorry for her that she needs to change her wedding date (which, as anyone who is in the midst of planning a wedding should know, is a HUGE pain), and be grateful that she agreed to get married one week after you. 

As for the other posters on this board being "mean" to you–you posted on a public board. There will be dissenting opinions. Most of these people just want you to see things in a different perspective so you calm down. With that in mind, it’s really quite unkind to accuse them of trying to hurt your feelings. Have you thought to yourself that, just like with your FH’s cousin’s wedding date, you might be taking things a little too personally? 

Also, in my opinion, it’s really over-the-top and a sign of emotional immaturity to cry at work over something like this. Are you still at work? Do they know you are posting on weddingbee.com on company time? Do you consider yourself an emotionally mature person? Then calm down, try to see things from your future cousin’s perspective (because, after all, weddings are one day, but family is forever), stop attacking the well-meaning people on this board (really, I’ve really seen only a couple of comments that come close to being mean), and prove that you are a grown up. Because, seriously, this is not the most challenging thing you will face in planning a wedding or while married–and you will have to step up to the plate for hardships far, far worse than this someday without becoming hysterical. 

Post # 42
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Good point Merricat…if you get so focused on the wedding, what is going to happen to the marriage? I didn’t read the crying part, but that just doesn’t sound healthy. Are you sure there isn’t something deeper going on? 

Post # 43
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I tend to agree with Merricat, Suzanno, and many others that have tried to put this discussion in the right perspective. 

I think it was very kind and generous of this cousin to move their wedding from before to after callalillies.  Personally, I wouldn’t ask for anything more than that, end of story.

Post # 45
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Holy crap, no one told me I got a whole MONTH!  I totally call do-overs.  😉

"what do i do?   i am so sad. weddings are supposed to be happy.. not miserable."

You have some choices here: let it make you miserable or decide that you won’t let it.  In the end, it’s not about you.  Like people say frequently on here, your wedding day is much much more important to you than it is to anyone else.  While it’s nice that they changed the schedule once for you, they have to schedule a day that works for them.

What you *can* do about this is be gracious about the dates and concentrate on your own arrangements.  I doubt that their wedding will have any affect on your wedding day except if you let it bother you.  

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