Post # 1
My coworker and I were just discussing someone else in the office. We really dislike this lady. She can be a total bitch. As we were discussing her bitchiness, my coworker suddenly said, “She’s such a bitch, she’ll never get married.”
That phrase struck me as kind of odd. While I agree that it might be true because I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to deal with her shit for the rest of his life, I think it’s a bit sad that that was the phrase my coworker used. It’s random phrases like that one that jump out at me sometimes and show me just how misogynistic our culture still is. If this lady were a man, marital status would have never come into it. However, because this lady is a woman, it’s assumed that marriage is the most important thing she can do, and she’s such a terrible person that she’ll never accomplish it. Why not say something like, “She’s such a bitch, she probably doesn’t have any friends”? Or “She’s such a bitch, no wonder no one likes her?” Or “She’s such a bitch, she probably spends every Friday night alone at her house because no one wants to hang out with her”? Those would have been the phrases used if she were a guy.
What do you bees think? Discuss.
ETA: We were actually speaking in Japanese. A closer translation would perhaps be, “She’s such a bitch, she’s not able to become a bride.” I think this translation shows better why it rubbed me the wrong way.
Post # 3
I dunno. I’ve used the phrase “He’s such a jerk, it’s no wonder no woman will marry him/have him/date him” to describe a particularly obnoxious male.
Post # 4
Dunno. Getting married WAS the most important thing I could accomplish, simply because it wasn’t something I could do on my own. I mean, I’m sucessful, educated, I’ve done lots of stuff I’m proud of, but really, is any of it really that important? I’d argue no – but getting married was important to me because it meant I accomplished something that I never thought I could – being a good partner and having someone actually want to be with me.
And yes, I’ve had people say “she’s such a bitch, she’ll never get married” about me. So it was nice to prove them wrong. In fact, it’s more of an accomplishment than my masters degree.
Maybe that’s not the slant you were looking for, but it’s what jumped out at me.
Post # 5
Marriage isn’t the most important thing, but it is one place in your life that character flaws (bitchines!) have the most impact. No one wants to be around a complete and utter bitch or asshole nonstop.
I see my single friends and sometimes thing that they haven’t matured enough to be a good mate/wife for someone yet. Getting married and staying married is hard work
Post # 6
Hmm, I guess I’m more the traditional type, but to me marriage & kids is and was the most important thing I did and ever will do as a woman.
Post # 7
I’ve talked about men like that. I remember one professor in particular during college that was such an anal jerk, my friends and I used to question what woman on earth would have married him and then cracked jokes about what kind of husband he must have been at home.
Idk, it doesn’t sound misogynistic to me but like I said, I’ve spoken that way about men as well as women.
Post # 8
I’m not saying that getting married ISN’T important. I just think it’s weird that it’s assumed that she would want to and that it would be the most important thing to her. The lady has never mentioned anything about wanting to get married before, so as far as my coworker and I are concerned, she might not want to.
Post # 9
I’ve used the same phrase about a guy before. Because being married means that someone would have to put up with him every day for the rest of his life. When I used it, I didn’t really think of it as an accomplishment (though it is! I just wasn’t thinking about it that way at the time). I was referring more to the fact that I couldn’t see anyone dealing with him for a lifetime or even long enough to make it down the aisle.
Post # 10
@GreenEyedMoon: I just think it’s weird that it’s assumed that she would want to and that it would be the most important thing to her.
I don’t think that was the point of her comment, though. It’s not necessarily that she DOES want to be married and can’t but that even IF she wanted to, nobody would take her because of her attitude.
Post # 11
Perhaps part of the reason why is struck me the wrong way was the wording my coworker used. The phrase I wrote, “She’s such a bitch, she’ll never get married,” was actually an English translation, since we were talking in Japanese. The exact phrase she used translates more closely to “she cannot become a bride”. The word she used can mean “wife”, but the more common meaning is “bride”.
Does that change any of your opinions?
Post # 12
@GreenEyedMoon: To me, it means the same thing. No one would be willing to put up with her for long enough to make it down the aisle.
Post # 13
It is a little misogynistic, sure. And I think it’s reasonable that you’re bothered by it. But the fatal flaw in her reasoning is that I see bitchy women get married ALL THE TIME. They just have to find a man who’s weak-willed, ripe to be controlled, and who wants to get married so badly it doesn’t matter to who.
I’d argue that in some situations, being a bitch (not a Why Men Marry Bitches bitch, a true bitch) might be an asset. Some women would be afraid to bring up marriage, and then when the man says “But baby, I’m just not ready yet” would just accept it. Not a bitch. A bitch would either strongarm him into it or move on to someone she could strongarm into it. But it’s not an asset in a way that it will get you a marriage that any well-adjusted, normal person should want. It will just get you A marriage.
Post # 14
Yeah, I would not like my entire self worth and value to be based on if I get married or not. That’s pretty low.
Post # 15
I agree with you. It is sad that even women still view each other this way :/
Post # 16
Offensive in light of the idea that being a “bride” should be the be-all and end-all of our ambitions…yes.
Accurate? Doubtful. It seems to me like “Bitches” get married sooner, perhaps because they demand commitments, perhaps because they just know what they want and make it happen, perhaps because men like women who have their own thing going on, and don’t wait around for them, therby upping their percieved value as a mate.
ETA: I see @EffieTrinket: and I are on the same page here 🙂
Note: I’m using “bitch” loosely here, based on the societal tendency to attribute that label to strong women, not in the manner of describing a truly horrible person.