(Closed) SHHH! Don’t tell my daddy!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

can i say you are probably the sweetest daughter ever! what an amazing idea. i think he will love it

Post # 4
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Very sweet of you….thoughtful.  Also, do consider that he may really want to contribute (however small it is) to yourwedding day.  You could take what little money he gives you and do something special with it and then you can tell him:  “Dad we were able to do (this) with your money”  It might make him feel important to know that you spent his money on something speical like your flowers or slideshow or something.  Just another thought….your idea is wonderful though.

Post # 5
Bee
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna

You rock! That has to be the best idea I have ever heard of.

Post # 6
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think that is a really sweet idea.  I would act like you used the money toward the wedding though, and give him the car as a gift later.  I wouldn’t tell him that you used his wedding money for the car.  I don’t know your dad, but if he knows what you did he might be insulted or have hurt feelings.

Post # 8
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It does sound sweet, but it wouldn’t work in my family.

My dad would be hurt, and maybe slightly offended. I think my mom would be too. He’s very traditional and likes to take care of us. My mom struggles and her offering is a big deal. I think she’d be embarrassed if I gave it back to her. Maybe you can split it: put a portion toward something and set aside the other portion?

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is such a sweet thing you are doing..I’m sure he’d be so surprised. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was also nice that he offered. <3

Post # 10
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I don’t want to sound rude- since I don’t know your family, but I think I would find that really patronizing. I totally get where you are coming from, my husband and I paid for our whole wedding ourselves. My mom felt really bad that she couldn’t help us or pay for it, even though I would have felt bad if she had. She really wanted to do something for me, so she bought my dress. I know she would be heartbroken if I came back after the wedding and told her I didn’t really spend the money she gave me on the dress, even though she could use it.

I would maybe separate the two even though money is money- spend what your dad gives you on the wedding and start a saving fund of your own to surprise him with a car.

I think you are doing a really sweet thing, you are obviously generous and were raised to not feel entitled, I would just hate for someone to feel hurt!

Post # 11
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

That is an awesome daughter!!!! =]

Post # 12
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

FWIW-I agree with Vistagirl ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 13
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That is SO sweet! Good for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@retsud: I’m kind of with you on this. While its a sweet gesture, my dad would probably almost feel like a failure if I did this. My parents aren’t overly proud people but they would definitely be weirded out if I were to save the money that they are giving us for our wedding and turn around and buy them a car. Its more something a parent would do for their child, not the other way around. Though, this is just my opinion and every family is different.

Post # 15
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My parents would actually be insulted by this and maybe even mad.  I hope you have thought this through.  Everyone’s family is different, so I hope this works for yours.  If so, then it is a nice idea.  But just be careful and think it through completely.  If your dad wants to help with the wedding, allow him to help with the wedding.  My dad would be upset if I was dishonest about where his money went.  Buying him a car is a great gift idea, but in my opinion it should have nothing to do with wedding money, no matter where it comes from.

 

Post # 16
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Oh you are awesome!!  My parents aren’t hung up on gender or parental roles either and would love that!  What a sweet daughter you are – actually brought tears to my eyes ๐Ÿ™‚

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