Post # 1
So pretty much just need to vent.
I have always been Daddies girl, until really this year. After realizing exactly who the man my dad is and it kills me. I think i have known for a while but never wanted to really realize it. I have always been the one to back my dad and support him in his stupid decisions or at least forgive him and move on, but enough is enough.
Once i really started to get into the nitty gritty of planning my wedding is when things hit hard. I had asked my dad to go through the guest list make sure i didnt miss anyone, get me a couple phone numbers and or addresses for his preferred invites and help me song selection, with no response.
I think what hurts the most is that i care so much for him and it isnt retalitated. I am just so lost of what to do with him. Feb 28th is the deadline to get tux fittings in and he has known about this for 3 months, and he says he is going in today. Is it sad that im planning to not have him walk me down the aisle cause im almost definate he isnt going to make his appointment. Mostly feared because the man didnt even come to my high school graduation because he didnt feel comfortable.
hmm even after the vent i dotn feel butter. Bah hum!
Post # 3
@Nikkimcq: I’m sad for you that you aren’t feeling the greatest about your Dad 🙁 But do all these feelings stem from wedding related things? Weddings and crowds just aren’t some peoples things, so you may have to give you Dad a little bit of slack. You have to realize that no one is as excited about your wedding as you are, and some people are just chronic procrastinators (my own sis and Maid/Matron of Honor was 6 days past the due date ordering her dress!)
If hes done a bunch of things no-wedding related thats caused you to have these feelings, then it’s a completely different story.
Post # 4
@Nikkimcq: I don’t think your Dad is missing appointments and not acting promptly to make a statement.
Some show/recieve love in acts of service (I am one of those) and some don’t. I understand how you feel somewhat abandoned in this process but I do not think that is your dad’s intention.
Post # 5
I agree with all of this! All I am seeing from the original post is a guy who (apparently) supported and fathered her for 20+ years, but who’s not very interested in weddings and graduations.
Perhaps there are other, bigger issues which you alluded to at the start. But it seems rather harsh to not have him walk you down the aisle because he hasn’t organised his tux 3 months before the wedding.
Post # 6
Is he there for you in other important ways? I definitely get how this is upsetting to you, but if he’s just bad with big events and good with other aspects then maybe you shouldn’t write him off entirely.
Post # 7
Perhaps he just isn’t interested in weddings?
Post # 8
The saddness has nothign to do with how my father has been abscent through my wedding at all. I was just things really became realistic and that is what saddens me. I only wish and pray that i can enjoy these moments with the people i love and that is not realistic.
No, its definately as a whole. He has never really been there for me, it has always been me being there for him and helping him pick up his pieces. I understand that people deal with things differently. I think i was hoping he would prove me wrong.
I couldnt agree with you more. I know he isnt doing this on purpose, its just how he is. I was just hoping for me. Really just made me realize things is all.
You are assuming in your response. B
eing a daddies girl doesnt mean one supported and fathered for 20 + years, it means like most little girls think their dads are indistructable and superman. Unfortuantely when you grow up to learn the truths this childhood thoughts are destroyed. Even if he wasnt a graduation/wedding person, he should still try. But as i have learned people dont aim to please like some of us do. I aslo never said im upset because he didnt organize his tux 3 motnhs before the wedding, the fact was he has had three months and he was leaving it so late. Which was scary do to the fact i felt like he doesnt care.
I guess in a some ways, but not really. But its mostly that generation of males, they dont talk much lol. He never has been a sentimental man…. made his way through life buyign everything with money, including happiness. I think i always just wished and dreamed and thought that was the reality, but it isnt.
Post # 9
@Nikkimcq: Does your dad have social anxiety around crowds of people? Or is he introverted? My dad is pretty uncomfortable around crowds, even family. He usually makes some excuse to go outside and smoke just to get away from all the people. Maybe you could ask your dad if he is uncomfortable or nervous around larger groups of people.
Post # 10
Very good thought but no. He is definately a family man. He is always inviting loads of people out to his palce all the time. This past summer we just had 70 of our immediate (sick to say thats immediate) family at his acreage for a 4 day camp out.
Post # 11
Well Dad made it to the Bridal house to get his fitting. So that anxiety is knocked off my list and restored a little of faith. I think the one thing that really hit hard was my dad is a music man, so i thought him helping me chose a song would be a good bonding moment, somthign for us to do together… but never happened. Oh well. Thanks for the thoughts everyone!