(Closed) Shocking unplanned pregnancy in unstable marital situation

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

Withdrawal method is extremely effective if your partner is in control of his orgasms. 

I can understand why the OP doesn’t want to be on hormonal birth control as I didn’t either. My OH and I use this method regularly and have done so for years. The only time I got pregnant was when we mutually agreed to try for a baby and voila, my beautiful baby was conceived. 

For this method to be a success, it’s imperative that you are both on the same page re trying/not trying for a baby. You were not consulted before he decided to betray your trust and that is awful!

I think he needs to be told about the pregnancy and how his deceitfulness has affected you. Maybe then he will give some explanation as to why he did what he did. If he was my husband I’d go fkng nuts and reevaluate our relationship.  

 

A heartfelt Good luck with your decision 

Post # 47
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

mrstbone:  I took plan B and it didn’t work, and my son is perfect with no issues. I specifically asked my doctor and she said it’s just hormones, it doesn’t effect the child 

Post # 48
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

In your situation, I would terminate the pregnancy and use the time while he was out of the country to figure out my options for leaving him.

Post # 49
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

maritimebride2016:  What you have written is not supportive or helpful. There are no two ways around it: her husband assaulted her. She did not consent to him ejaculating inside of her. Period. They had agreed to use the withdrawal method as their form of birth control, and he unceremoniously broke that agreement without her consent and forced her to deal with the consequences. “he was making jokes about you getting pregnant, you really should have gone on birth control” – seriously? My husband jokes all the time about knocking me up, but I would be horrified if he did this to me and I then had someone tell me it was my fault for assuming that he was a decent enough human being to not force a pregnancy on me. It takes two people to have sex – it just takes one person to violate the other’s trust. 

Post # 50
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I had my daughter after Plan B failed while we were on our honeymoon. My situation wasn’t the same as yours because I was and still am in a great relationship, but I know what it’s like to be surprised when Plan B doesn’t work. I’m really glad that it ended up failing, because I love my 2 year old so much, but everyone will handle these things differently.

I just wanted to give you some anectodotal reassurance that even though I took Plan B and had it fail, Dear Daughter is a perfectly healthy 2 year old. I’ve seen a few bees talk about how Plan B can cause issues with the baby.

Post # 52
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

annd2015:  if you aren’t happy in a relationship and you really don’t want a child, you shouldn’t be having unprotected sex with that person. It’s not hard to understand. You can get pregnant from pre cum also, so having unprotected sex at all provides a risk of pregnancy. I just don’t think the entire blame should be on him without her taking any responsibility for letting him have sex with her in the first place. She wasn’t raped, she was having unprotexted sex with her husband that she consented to. Yes he shouldn’t have ejaculated if they agreed on pulling out, but there are other precautions that should have been in place. 

Post # 53
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

The emergency contraceptive pill delays ovulation, thats how it works. OP you must have already ovulated that month before taking the pill 🙁

In your situation I would absolutely consider a termination. I can’t believe your husband deliberately came inside you without permission… what a piece of work. I think you need the year to yourself as you said, and not carry on with this pregnancy.

I totally get not using hormonal forms of contraception, I can’t use any of them for health reasons, so no judgement here!

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  RaccoonKitty.
Post # 54
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

annd2015:  also talking about violating trust, she’s having thoughts of leaving him and is pregnant with his child, and is discussing it with a forum full of strangers instead of him. 

Post # 55
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

pianobeeksb:  You’ve already had a lot of great advice on this forum (and a few completely unhelpful and judgemental posts – sorry about that!) so I will keep mine brief. 

I can’t imagine staying with a man that would betray my trust on such an extreme level. That is not ‘normal’ behaviour for a loving relationship. I do understand what you’re saying about your co-dependency and reservations about ending the marriage up to this point, but it sounds like this next year may provide you with a better opportunity to assess your options and plan for the future you want and deserve.

I don’t want to tell you what I think you should do regarding the pregnancy, but I will say this: you should only move forward with it if you genuinely want it for your life right now. I wouldn’t worry about anything else, because all of those other circumstances can and probably will change. Either decision will be hard, but if you follow your instinct then I’m sure you find peace with your decision.

Sending you my absolute best wishes and will be thinking of you. For what it’s worth, I sure as heck would have been shocked too. 

Post # 56
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

maritimebride2016:  He ejaculated in her without her consent and counter to an understanding that they had.  That suggests he has no respect for her body and, if that’s so, then I would argue that she has no need to include him in any further discussions or deliberations about how she will protect her body now that he has violated it.

ETA: the way that the OP is written certainly suggests that she has some issues she may need to work through with respect to how she relates to others, but the fact that she is not perfect does not justify, IMO, what her partner did to her.

Post # 57
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee

maritimebride2016:  A “supportive and loving man” would not deliberately try to get his wife pregnant (a) against her will and (b) knowing full well that if he’s successful, she’ll be dealing with the pregnancy and birth completely alone. The second part is especially appalling given that she has a history of co-dependency, on what planet is this situation healthy for someone trying to heal from that? He knew all of that and still tried to knock her up, idk that seems like the complete opposite of loving and supportive to me.

Post # 58
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

If I was in your situation, I would terminate this pregnancy and find a counselor who specializes in codependency issues. From there, you can decide when and if you are ready to leave your husband. I don’t think staying with him would be a good option but I can’t make that decision for you. 

I can share that when I had not healed from the abuse I survived, I attracted awful men and stayed with them far too long. Now that I am with my wonderful husband, I wonder why I wasted time with people who didn’t deserve me. 

I’m not going to lecture you about birth control options. I think you and everyone else knows that withdrawal is not the best way to prevent pregnancy. I will ask that you think of other ways to keep youself out of this kind of situation in the future. You can get an IUD if you are not comfortable with hormonal birth control. 

Post # 59
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

maritimebride2016:  Your advice is disgusting and shows a complete and fundamental lack of understanding of sexual assault, abuse, trust, and love. I truly feel sorry for you that this is the way you were taught to see your body and your marriage. 

Post # 60
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Everyone’s jumping on the husband here, but how do we know that he deliberately did not withdrawl?  That’s the crux of the whole dilema, and so far we have one sentence and no other side to the story.  That’s fishy to me.  The guy sounds darn near perfect in every respect, so it’s odd to me that this would be a totally unexpected and random thing. Besides, if you’ve been married five years, you know when you’re guy is about to “go”…wouldn’t you notice if he wasn’t prepared to pull out?  Maybe I’m just ignorant of that method, but I have a hard time seeing how the girl in the situation wouldn’t be a bit aware that he wasn’t paying attention, deliberately or not.

Also, without knowing the details there, I’d suggest, OP, you really look at this.  Your situation sounds good.  You have a supportive, loving husband, who has stuck by you in thick and thin.  Do you really want to dump him?  Also, it’s his child too, so no matter what you do, he has a right to know (and I”ll never advocate for abortion, as I know people who should have been aborted and are amazing individuals now).  Don’t forget, you could always give the child up if you can’t handle it.  There are lots of families out there, myself included, who would take your child in a heartbeat.

Take some time and think.  Don’t rush into things.

The topic ‘Shocking unplanned pregnancy in unstable marital situation’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors