(Closed) Shocking unplanned pregnancy in unstable marital situation

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

CoffeeBeanKate:  Question: will you concede that, if the OP’s partner did indeed deliberately ejaculate in her without her consent, that he is not “supportive” or “loving” and that her situation is not, in fact, good?

Post # 62
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

CoffeeBeanKate:  

Why would the OP leave if the husband was so great? Just because a man changes after his wife leaves and he makes a decent income, it doesn’t meant that he is a wonderful man. A good man would have been treating the OP well from the beginning. 

I doubt that a decent man would deliberately impregnate his wife against her will. It isn’t always easy to tell when a man is about to ejaculate and it’s also hard to push a bigger and stronger man away in this situation. Your words come across as blaming the OP for her current situation which is unfair to her. I think you’re naive about sex and pulling out. 

 

Post # 63
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

maritimebride2016:  

Why is it only the woman’s responsibility to take precautions?

If “it takes 2”, then her husband is equally responsible. 

How can you be sure that the OP’s husband would support her financially? 

Some people actually plan for having babies by saving money, finding a suitable home for the baby and making sure that they are in stable relationship prior to TTC. They also discuss childcare arrangements, religion, discipline and other issues before reproducing. The idea that nobody is ready for a baby is completely ignorant and unfounded. 

 

Post # 64
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

mrswhitecat:  I don’t think its right to say she’s naive about sex and pulling out but you don’t think it was naive for the OP to not realize having unprotected sex whether he pulls out or not can lead to pregnancy. 

Post # 65
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

 This is something I really can’t agree with, sorry @CoffeeBeanKate. 

There is no evidence here to suggest that he didn’t do as OP said, and he is not entitled to know what she does with her body, so says the Supreme Court when presented with this argument. Why? Because women bear the brunt of the burden of pregnancy and are entitled to medical privacy and autonomy. 

Women can’t be forced to breed for anyone, even and especially a husband who gets them pregnant on purpose against their consent.

while there are bills in several states trying to change this, they havent prevailed yet.

Post # 66
Member
47206 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The only thing that counts is what YOU are comfortable doing/not doing. There is so much misinformation on this thread. I would not want anyone making their decision based on what has been posted in some of the responses.

Go talk to someone you trust- your pastor, a counsellor, Planned Parenthood etc. They will help you see your way to a decision that is right for you.

Post # 67
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

CoffeeBeanKate:  Darling Husband and I have used this method for over 6 years now and started using it very shortly after we started having sex and before that we used condoms. So I have never really felt a man cum in me before. I usually have no clue when he is about to cum. If he stayed in me I would assume he wasn’t coming and it would probably be to late to prevent anything once I realized he wasn’t pulling out. Also once using this method for so long there is no accidentally staying in. Men know the drill and their body well enough to give themselves plenty of time to pull out successfully.  

He did this on purpose and is a complete jerk for it. I don’t care if he has been perfect until that moment, if anyone tried to impregnate me without my consent then that erases every good thing he has done.  It is so wrong to force a baby on anyone for any reason. 

Post # 68
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

mo711:  We also used this method successfully for about 6 years. So long as he pulls out in time it is effective. Sure there were times when I would remind him “just in case” but I 100% trusted that he would pull out.

OP: In my opinion he violated your body. Going by what you have told us he is scared of losing you in the year he is away and is trying to prevent that by getting you pregnant. This is NOT OK. If you looked closely at your relationship you might see other ways where he uses controlling behaviour or encourages your codependency. Would I have an abortion in your situation? I don’t know. I would definitely leave him and work on the codependency issues. Do what you think is right for you. I hope it all works out for you Bee. It’s a very tough situation 

Post # 69
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

A friend of mine took the morning after pill which I believe is the same as plan b within hours of being raped and still ended up pregnant. She was told the chances of the baby having issues were high so I would suggest you ask a doctor about that. But honestly you sound miserable and as if this baby will be the worst possible thing to happen. As much as I think babies are a gift this situation isn’t. You are resentful of your husband for causing this and risk resenting the baby as well. An abortion at this early stage is very simple and sounds likethe best plan. And please look at leaving your husband you sound really heartbreakingly unhappy. 

Post # 71
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

maritimebride2016:  

Commenting on the OP’s lack of birth control would be kicking her while she’s down. She knows it was a poor choice and now she needs support. Blaming the OP for every part of this situation and ignoring her husband’s awful behavior is not helpful either.

The Bee that I was speaking to believes that gaging when a man is going to ejaculate is easy. That is certainly not the case. It is also very difficult for most women to push a man away during sex because men are usually larger and stronger than women. The aforementioned assumptions are the reasons I said she is naive and I stand by my words. 

 

 

Post # 72
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I have a serious question and I’m not insinuating anything just wondering….

OP, how do u know UR husband came inside You? Did he tell u he did right after? Did he “think” he did andmight have slipped some in And told u? Did he tell u that he did so that u could try to protect urself and take the plan B bc he knew he fucked up?Did you assume he did and then take the pill just to be safe? Did u confront him afterwards about it and ask if he came inside U?

 

im asking this because I’ve used the pull out method (maybe not smart) and there were two times where my Fiance was like oh no I think I came in U but I’m not sure.. So I took plan B just in case ….Due to the “position” we were in I guess he couldn’t pull out in time (and being tipsy) which is why this method is so unreliable. It’s not like he intentionally did it, but it CAN happen…

I want to reiterate though that I have no idea whether this happened in UR situation just wondering about the particulars…

Post # 74
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Cheekie0077:  Can we please stop doubting the OP’s version of events? She has said her relationship has many other issues besides this, let’s not add to her hurt by attempting to rewrite her sexual assault.

Post # 75
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee

Geez bees, it’s done now! There’s no point in arguing over the bc method now. I’m sure the OP will look into other, non hormonal forms of bc now, right OP? 

I would terminate the pregnancy if I were in your position. I wouldnt tell him, and I would file for divorce. Take a break from dating and learn to love yourself, learn to be alone. Find a hobby that gives you some independence, and will help you maintain independence in your next relationship. 

Good luck bee, I don’t envy you one bit 🙁 big hugs! 

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