(Closed) Shocking unplanned pregnancy in unstable marital situation

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 91
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

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pianobeeksb:   I’d like to add some of my experience for you, so you have more information about what you’re choosing.  

i was newly married at the age of 19 and found myself pregnant. i was using the pill. same time everyday. no medicine to react with. what a shock!! my then husband was in the army, I am in the Air Force. marriage was probably silly for us, but we loved each other. due to our service differences, we would be separated for a while and often, and the idea of a baby was just wildly wrong for us. for literally every reason. which is why we were on the pill. anyhow, I had the abortion procedure done, not the abortion pill. i dont regret it at all. but it took some recovery time (about 2-3 days) and I couldn’t drive after it. 

ten years later with my current husband, I got pregnant again. I was tracking my cycle as well as using the pill. again – shocking. several years prior we decided we don’t want kids. so I chose the abortion pill that time. this was, lets say – messy. imagine your worst period and multiply it by 10. for a few days. I couldn’t imagine being around my husband then if he had no idea I had taken the pill, and why I was so cramped and bleeding so profusely. in fact, I think I had to be driven home after getting the pill. so you’d need someone to be with you for either choice. 

I’m not saying any of this to scare you. in fact, both procedures weren’t at all as bad as i had imagined. i felt so relieved after! i have never regretted my choices either.  i just wanted to add a word of caution that if you aren’t going to tell the husband, maybe stay with someone else or maybe go on another trial separation for this, so he’s truly unaware and you can have proper recovery and privacy. at least three full days. trust me on this. 

pm me if you have any questions. or ask here, that’s fine. 

*hugs* I wish you the best. 

Post # 92
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

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pianobeeksb:  Don’t wonder if you want to be pregnant. Wonder if you want to raise a child for the rest of your life. Being pregnant is only 9 months – parenthood is forever.

Post # 93
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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mrspevensbee:  I have a feeling her husband would not sign of on an adoption.

Post # 94
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Do you want your husband in your life forever? Because if you go through with this pregnancy, even if you leave him, he’s always going to be a part of your life. 

Only you know what to do and what is best for you, however he doesn’t sound like someone that you want to be involved in forever. Best of luck with whatever you choose to do. 

Post # 95
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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pianobeeksb:  my heart was hurting for you as I read all of this. I hope which ever decision you go with finds you with happiness. And I hope you know that you’re a very strong woman.  


Post # 96
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Breckenridge, CO

Hey I just wanted to say I’m sorry and please do what’s right for you <3

also kudos to the 90% of the responses you got

shame about the 10% morons but tbh I thought it’d be higher 


Post # 97
4696 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you need to talk a lot more about this with your therapist. Your husband delibrately went against your jointly decided birth control plan and left you in the position to rely on PlanB.. Which is not a sure bet. I couldn’t imagine the betrayal you feel on top of the mixed emotions of being pregnant right now.. Please think long and hard about whats best for you because at this point you need to look out for yourself and make decisions for yourself.

I don’t think what he did was ok and I don’t think something like this makes for a great environment to raise a child in. His cumming inside of you was malicious and self serving.

Post # 98
10421 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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pianobeeksb:  I’m late to this thread and only made it to page 2. I just wanted to send you hugs and say I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

My best friend’s mom had something similar happen to her. She was married to a huuuuuge douchebag, but he was a millionaire and to save you a lot of backstory she basically stayed in an abusive marriage for the money and support. 

He got her pregnant. She tried to leave him. Every time she tried to leave, he would use their son as some sort of a negotiation token. It was heartbreaking to watch. Every time she would get the courage to leave, he would figure out a way to get full custody – to even get her arrested (he stabbed himself in the leg during one of their arguments and told the police she did it). This went on for years, and their son finally just turned 18. He’s got a ton of his own issues and spent 2 years in juvi because he didn’t want to live with his dad, and his dad wouldn’t allow him to be with his mom. 

I know that situation is like, worst-case scenario, but if you think now he’s trying to trap and control you, just imagine what will happen when you have a child that you love and you need to get away.

If I were in your situation, I would terminate the pregnancy and file for divorce. He’d be gone for a whole year anyway, and I think you were looking forward to that. Now just imagine an entire lifetime of that feeling of freedom. 

Good luck bee!

Post # 99
5019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

If feel for you OP, you have a lot to decide here.  First, if you want to keep the baby and second, if you want to stay in this marriage.  You have been unhappy for a long time now and it seems unfair to your husband and to yourself to remain married if there is truly no future in it for either of you.  Maybe you needed this pregnancy to happen in order to force new direction in your life?

Post # 100
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

What kind of douchebag doesn’t pull out when it would mean leaving their partner alone for delivery and then with a newborn/infant?? And fuck anyone who thinks it’s more important to examine your choices right now than to try to support you in this shitty situation.

I don’t believe you should keep this baby. I think you should either terminate (and by the way vast majority of women who terminate report relief as the primary emotion they experience from it) or look into giving the child up for adoption. Having anxiety and a newborn, alone, sounds like an awful situation.

Whatever you decide, good luck ❤️

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