Post # 1
I would be really grateful for some advice on a question that is bothering me. We are having our wedding reception in a stately home in the UK. As a result of the age of the building, the venue has a few strict restrictions/requirements (such as no red wine after dinner), which we decided we could live with when we booked.
One of the restrictions is that guests cannot wear shoes with a metal tipped/pencil thin stiletto heel because of the risk of damage to the floors. I would never dream of telling people what they should wear to our wedding other than this (all our friends and family are capable of dressing appropriately), but we do need to let the ladies know about this (although we will have heel protectors available on the day just in case).
The venue suggests that we supply an information sheet with our invites, warning guests about this and other info. My question is whether including this information with our invites (essentially telling our guests what shoes to wear) could be considered as a breach of etiquette/would be likely to offend anyone? We will include this info on our website too, but I am worried that some guests will not look at the website so will miss it.
What do you think?
Post # 3
@Dashwood: because the venue is requiring you to do this, you have to, or else you’ll get fined. Guest will understand this is a venue rule and not from you, but you have make sure to make it clear it’s from the venue, not you so guests don’t get upset at you.
Post # 4
Hm, tough one. I would think it was very, very strange to see that in an invitation, but if it’s a venue requirement, you may just have to throw caution to the wind and go for it. Could you use an information card that says something like “Due to the historic nature of the venue, please refrain from wearing metal-tipped or extremely pointy high heels; that’s right – leave the uncomfortable shoes at home, and bring your dancing shoes!” Try to keep it light-hearted and not a demand to guests, and I think people will be more accepting of it.
Post # 5
I wouldnt put it ON the invites itself, but on an extra card in the packet. Explain that it is the policy of the venue, because of historics and not your decision. Like a PP said, because its their rule you have to put it out there.
Post # 6
@Dashwood: i wouldn’t send it with the invitation. let people enjoy your invitation and not read these rules, because, as you said, it might offend people through no fault of your own.
once you have your final count, can you not send out like a small info sheet on cardstock, or almost like a save the date (if you took engagement pics, and will have them by then, you can use it as the mini invite picture). Here you can write down some general info and reminders (time, place, after weeding accomodations if necessary, etc). this is where i would include the part about the shoes. While you’re at it, you can also write down a reminder to bring an extra pair of shoes (flats or flip flops) after a long night of dancing
Post # 7
I would include it, maybe saying –
“X hall requests that guests do not wear thin heels because of the antique carpeting. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.”
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be offended. Just pop it in with the invites or on an information sheet as you mentioned.
No red wine after dinner is ridiculous though! I’d be lost without my red wine! 😉
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@Dashwood: I wouldn’t be offended that you included it in the invite, but I agree putting it on a separate card – to draw attention to it! I have generally low expectations for people’s observational skills, so I would go out of my way to make sure that it’s obvious. If you don’t include it in the invite, it’s just one more thing to remember in the rest of the prep, and it’s more likely to get lost, than if people just keep it with all the rest of the invite stuff.
On the chance that people DON’T remember/read/pay attention, do you have a plan in place for anyone who does turn up in the wrong shoes?
@JMPacker: I agree, red wine is the best wine! Haha!
Post # 10
Thanks for all the responses and wording suggestions etc. – much appreciated.
@chronicwhimsy: Thanks – I agree about the observational skills! We will have plastic heel caps available that fit over heels and protect the floors – but they are pretty ugly and I don’t want to have to force guests to ruin their nice outfits!
@JMPacker: Yes, it was a struggle to agree to that but the venue is lovely. Oddly we saw other venues during our search that wouldn’t allow red wine at all, even with food. Could not agree to that!
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@Dashwood: Ah, that’s cool then! Just because there’s ALWAYS ONE, isn’t there? “What do you mean you said no heels?”
No red wine at all??? Heathens! Haha! Oh well, you should be on bubbly all day anyway. 😉
Post # 12
I agree, just go for it, I’d maybe say something in the first line of explanation like “The venue we have selected has asked us to inform you” and I’d probably end it with “but hey, it’s a good excuse to get a new pair of shoes right?”
I’m sure no one will be offended as it’s not you guys asking.
Post # 13
I’d say yeah, include it in a seperate note with the invite. And if you have a website, maybe create a “Proper Attire” section or something?
Did you know they are considering a similar rule in the Parthenon? Stiletto heels are causing serious damage to the stone, and so many women wear them to functions at the site that they’re considering banning them (I don’t know if they ever went through with it).
A stiletto heel exerts more force (lbs/sq ft) on stone than an elephant walking around!!
… Not that you should relay that tidbit to your guests.
Post # 14
I think you need to include it, if you have a separate insert with venue info/map you could put it there. If someone is going to be offended that your wedding invitation says no stilhetto heels because of the antique floors, they have serious problems…
Post # 15
I initially thought you could maybe just put it on your wedding website (if you have one), but I’ve learned that few people actually view the website and this is something that guests truly need to know. Maybe put it on the “detals/more information” card in the invite suite, and not on the invite itself. it sounds tacky, but for a small number of people who may not see it or they see it but then forget, could you have a bin of flip flops? (I only say tacky because the flip flop thing is usually delegated for late night wedding dancing- which is totally cute, and not just cause you wore the wrong shoes and now you’re in some fancy gown with hot pink plastic shoes).
Post # 16
Please put it on the information card in the invites. I wear heels of all kind and rarely check out attire on a website– I know how to dress.I would be very annoyed if I showed up in nice heels and had them ruined withheel covers (some can leave marks on the shoe). Most formal dress shoes on the market today have a very thin heel, so it is your duty to make sure guests know. Either an email/phone call to the guests who said they are coming or an enclosure is necessary.