(Closed) shopping for your dream ring before engagement?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: If you could pick out your dream ring would you prefer to pick it out before or after the proposal?
    Before the proposal, who wants to get down on one knee empty handed? : (42 votes)
    74 %
    Surprise!!! I want to marry you, lets get a ring! : (15 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2893 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think either is more standard than the other. But here’s the thing – even if you go on every ring shopping trip, pick the stone, the setting, and pick it up, he can still keep the ring hidden afterwards and keep the date of the proposal secret. Think about it. Let’s just say he doesn’t want you to shop for the ring with him because it gives away the fact that he’s gonna propose. Well, the fact that you know that he’s gonna go shop for a ring on his own already gives away the fact that he’s gonna propose. No real surprise there.

    I don’t think it’s selfish to want to have some input. My SO and I went looking at rings and just recently bought a stone together. We’re gonna go find a setting we like. I asked my guy what he would pick if he was doing this by himself. His response? “I wouldn’t do this without you because I want to make sure we get you what you love.”And after we get the stone set the proposal date and how it will happen will still be a secret.

    I think what you need to do is ask your guy if he’s open to you shopping with him. That and shopping with him doesn’t mean you have to be engaged first. That can come later. Let him know you’d like to share the experience with him and reassure him that when he proposes would still be a surprise. Win win. But you need to TALK to him. That’s gonna be the key to all this.

    Post # 4
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My fiance proposed with my ring that was a gift from my parents to me for my 7th birthday.  It was really sweet and romantic.  He felt it was important for me to be surprised when he proposed.  And I was because I knew he hadn’t bought a ring yet.  Then afterwards we went ring shopping.  It really was nice to do that together, and he told me that he was glad I got to share in the experience of picking out the ring because he really wanted me to be 100% happy with what he got me.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Why not go shopping before?  That’s what we did.  We chose the setting together and I wanted him to choose the stone as the surprise part.  We discussed the specs to make sure it was a good deal and he did a great job!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2893 posts
    Sugar bee

    @smiles731: Ok. Well here’s another question for you: Would it ruin the suprise for YOU? Or does he just thinks that you knowing would automatically take away the element of suprise, whether or not it actually would? And if you’re totally cool with a proposal w/o a ring and want him to get the best bang for his buck, then I personally see no issue with bringing it up again. Just reassure him that if it’s something he decides to do you’d be perfectly happy. Maybe even ask him if his plan is to wait till you are done with your degree. Cause there’s always the chance that he’s on the same page as you, or maybe he isn’t.

    I know you said you don’t want to push the topic because you aren’t there yet. But if he’s looking at buying a ring already…well, he’s there. Making sure you understand eachother and discussing what you want isn’t pushing the topic. It’s perfectly harmless. If you already told him you wanted to look with him – great! But, I think you also need to let him know your fear of him jumping the gun.

    When it comes to timing of before or after, it’s really up to you and who you are as a couple. They are both really romantic options. πŸ™‚

    Post # 9
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee

    I say go shopping before!

    Me and my bf went shopping this past weekend and I know he will have the ring in the next few weeks after its sized, etc…but there is still an element of surprise because I have no clue when he is going to actually get down on one knee with it! I thought I wanted my bf to get the ring all on his own…but after we went together and I was able to get exactly what I love, I’m happy about agreeing to go with him. I didnt even really know what I wanted until I saw them in person and tried rings out on my hand.

    So, I think after you go shopping together, the excitement and waiting for his proposal increases even more. I’ve been on cloud 9 all week! lol!

    Post # 10
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m picky too and I didn‘t get my dream ring. And it doesn’t matter, I’m not in it for a ring I’m in it for him. While I don’t dislike it I certainly don’t love it (well, I do NOW).

    He would not have even considered going shopping with me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I have a similar situation here. My guy is very traditional and wants a romantic suprise to the point that he won’t really nail down a good timeline. I am not usually picky but have researched like you and know exactly what I want in a setting/diamond. After gently bringing it up several times we have finally come to an understanding. πŸ˜‰ I went alone to the diamond wholesaler and talked to a consultant about settings I have fell in love with online and we looked at a few diamonds to see what qualities were most important to me. She wrote down the details so that when he goes in he gets to feel like he’s in control of the decisions but there is enough guideline that I will love whatever they come up with. He finally realized that this way he can buy the perfect ring anytime in the future and suprise me with it when he is ready. We actually went to the store yesterday so he could see where it was and get over the initial shock of such a gorgeous diamond showroom. He was overwhelmed but was asking for our consultants card by the time we left. Im so happy, excited and relieved to have done it this way. I feel like I’ve met the person who is going to help him put together the perfect ring so that now I can quit obsessing about it and let him work it all out in his timeframe etc.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I’m with @vmec:

    I wish he let me pick a ring myself (after a surprise proposal). but I do love the ring he chose for me. it’s not the style I hoped for, but I love it!

    Post # 13
    Member
    3297 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

    We went shopping before, chose a ring, and he still managed to surprise me. The ring wasn’t a huge deal to me. I just enjoy having a little diamond to admire and having that physical marker of being engaged.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow!  I think you sound like my twin!  I LOVE diamonds and have educated myself well (so well, a sales woman at Tiffany Chicago asked if I was undercover to check her product knowledge, and another person at a chain store asked if I was a Gemologist!).  SO wants to propose with a ring and wants me to be somewhat surprised, so he agreed to let me teach him what characteristics I’m looking for in a diamond.  He knows which cuts I prefer and the details I’m in love with.  I love short, fat ovals (1.25-1.35:1 ratio. . .not totally typical) and asschers with wide cut corners and very specific windmill characteristics.  At first, I think he was a bit overwhelmed, but now he sees finding the right diamond a challenge, and he even gets excited about it!

    I’ve shown him several asschers that I like on the jamesallen website, and pointed out the characterstics that I like.  When we’ve visited stores, he doesn’t like to look at everything in detail, only the stones I’m fond of because he doesn’t want to get confused (or so he says.  Lol).  We have a while until we plan to be engaged, but we look every now and then so when the time comes, he’ll be prepared.  He knows that above all, I do not want him to over pay or over spend. 

    He said that he knows how much this ring means to me (even though I’d say yes to a proposal with a piece of dental floss as my ring!), and he wants me to be happy.  He also said that if I were going to surprise him with his dream car, he’d want me to know all the specifics of his choice as well.  He admitted that letting me buy his dream car without him there would make him a bit nervous, so I think he has an idea of how I feel. 

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My Fiance knew I wanted to pick my own ring. We figured out early on that his favorite styles were my least favorite, lol. I was expecting a spring proposal, and I had been hinting that we should go look at some jewelry stores so he could see what I wanted. He always brushed the suggestion off, so I thought maybe he wasn’t quite ready and I let it go.

    Then in January, he proposed out of the blue! He did it with a dime taped to a keyring. It was pretty funny and just so “us”, and I didn’t care at all that he didn’t have a real ring. It meant I got to pick it out!

    So if you or your SO want a little more surprise to it, your proposal will be just as special whether there’s a ring in that moment or not πŸ™‚

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