Post # 1
SO, I have never been much of the “picky” type when it comes to fashion/clothes/jewelry etc. My boyfriend has always picked out gifts for me without my input, which I find to be very sweet and thoughtful BUT….
I have always wanted to pick out my engagement ring. It is something I will wear everyday and I want to LOVE it. Now I understand many of you may disagree and believe that it should be a surprise, or that I should be thankful for whatever he gives me because it will come from his heart, and this is a very valid point.
However, I don’t really care 🙂 lol
SO, that being said…I sent him photo’s of my dream ring, and we talked about it. I said I would just love it if we got engaged and then he took me to the diamond district to pick out my ring (I know SO much about diamonds, I have done so much research to the point where I could probably pass a GIA/AGS/EGL exam with flying colors) and I want to make sure he is getting a great deal.
His response, “What am I going to propose without a ring?” And so here is my question… Is it odd to propose without a ring and than to shop for one, or is it more standard to shop for a ring together first and than have him propose at a surprise date in the future?
I should also mention that the element of surprise is very important to him and so I think if we shopped together beforehand it may inhibit this a bit.
PS- I understand this is also a bit of a shallow post but to that once again I say, I dont care 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t think either is more standard than the other. But here’s the thing – even if you go on every ring shopping trip, pick the stone, the setting, and pick it up, he can still keep the ring hidden afterwards and keep the date of the proposal secret. Think about it. Let’s just say he doesn’t want you to shop for the ring with him because it gives away the fact that he’s gonna propose. Well, the fact that you know that he’s gonna go shop for a ring on his own already gives away the fact that he’s gonna propose. No real surprise there.
I don’t think it’s selfish to want to have some input. My SO and I went looking at rings and just recently bought a stone together. We’re gonna go find a setting we like. I asked my guy what he would pick if he was doing this by himself. His response? “I wouldn’t do this without you because I want to make sure we get you what you love.”And after we get the stone set the proposal date and how it will happen will still be a secret.
I think what you need to do is ask your guy if he’s open to you shopping with him. That and shopping with him doesn’t mean you have to be engaged first. That can come later. Let him know you’d like to share the experience with him and reassure him that when he proposes would still be a surprise. Win win. But you need to TALK to him. That’s gonna be the key to all this.
Post # 4
My fiance proposed with my ring that was a gift from my parents to me for my 7th birthday. It was really sweet and romantic. He felt it was important for me to be surprised when he proposed. And I was because I knew he hadn’t bought a ring yet. Then afterwards we went ring shopping. It really was nice to do that together, and he told me that he was glad I got to share in the experience of picking out the ring because he really wanted me to be 100% happy with what he got me.
Post # 5
@claireos: Thanks for your response. I am pretty sure I will be going with him to look for a ring, but the question is- before or after the proposal? I think he is concerned that if I go with him beforehand and we pick out a ring together, it will take away from the element of surprise because I know that it will most likely happen a couple of months after the purchase.
I don’t want to bring it up to him again, because I know it is not likely to happen for about another year anyway…
ACTUALLY, we went to Mexico about a month ago, and we stopped at a few jewelry stores there, he mentioned that maybe he should just buy a ring there…the quality of the diamonds for the prices were terrible so I told him no. He wanted to go into another jewelry store and I said forget it, they are not a good value.
So, this sort of does make me second guess what his intentions are. I dont want to push the topic because I know we are not there yet (I want to finish my Master’s degree first), but in the same regard I am afraid that he will just go out and buy something when I am totally not expecting it (like before this year is up). Either way, I did express to him that I wanted to look with him….
sorry if this is confusing. lol
Post # 6
@mmgcope: awwww thats very sweet!! I would love if he did something like that 🙂
Post # 7
Why not go shopping before? That’s what we did. We chose the setting together and I wanted him to choose the stone as the surprise part. We discussed the specs to make sure it was a good deal and he did a great job!
Post # 8
@smiles731: Ok. Well here’s another question for you: Would it ruin the suprise for YOU? Or does he just thinks that you knowing would automatically take away the element of suprise, whether or not it actually would? And if you’re totally cool with a proposal w/o a ring and want him to get the best bang for his buck, then I personally see no issue with bringing it up again. Just reassure him that if it’s something he decides to do you’d be perfectly happy. Maybe even ask him if his plan is to wait till you are done with your degree. Cause there’s always the chance that he’s on the same page as you, or maybe he isn’t.
I know you said you don’t want to push the topic because you aren’t there yet. But if he’s looking at buying a ring already…well, he’s there. Making sure you understand eachother and discussing what you want isn’t pushing the topic. It’s perfectly harmless. If you already told him you wanted to look with him – great! But, I think you also need to let him know your fear of him jumping the gun.
When it comes to timing of before or after, it’s really up to you and who you are as a couple. They are both really romantic options. 🙂
Post # 9
I say go shopping before!
Me and my bf went shopping this past weekend and I know he will have the ring in the next few weeks after its sized, etc…but there is still an element of surprise because I have no clue when he is going to actually get down on one knee with it! I thought I wanted my bf to get the ring all on his own…but after we went together and I was able to get exactly what I love, I’m happy about agreeing to go with him. I didnt even really know what I wanted until I saw them in person and tried rings out on my hand.
So, I think after you go shopping together, the excitement and waiting for his proposal increases even more. I’ve been on cloud 9 all week! lol!
Post # 10
I’m picky too and I didn‘t get my dream ring. And it doesn’t matter, I’m not in it for a ring I’m in it for him. While I don’t dislike it I certainly don’t love it (well, I do NOW).
He would not have even considered going shopping with me.
Post # 11
I have a similar situation here. My guy is very traditional and wants a romantic suprise to the point that he won’t really nail down a good timeline. I am not usually picky but have researched like you and know exactly what I want in a setting/diamond. After gently bringing it up several times we have finally come to an understanding. 😉 I went alone to the diamond wholesaler and talked to a consultant about settings I have fell in love with online and we looked at a few diamonds to see what qualities were most important to me. She wrote down the details so that when he goes in he gets to feel like he’s in control of the decisions but there is enough guideline that I will love whatever they come up with. He finally realized that this way he can buy the perfect ring anytime in the future and suprise me with it when he is ready. We actually went to the store yesterday so he could see where it was and get over the initial shock of such a gorgeous diamond showroom. He was overwhelmed but was asking for our consultants card by the time we left. Im so happy, excited and relieved to have done it this way. I feel like I’ve met the person who is going to help him put together the perfect ring so that now I can quit obsessing about it and let him work it all out in his timeframe etc.
Post # 12
I’m with @vmec:
I wish he let me pick a ring myself (after a surprise proposal). but I do love the ring he chose for me. it’s not the style I hoped for, but I love it!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
We went shopping before, chose a ring, and he still managed to surprise me. The ring wasn’t a huge deal to me. I just enjoy having a little diamond to admire and having that physical marker of being engaged.
Post # 14
@DaisyDreamer: congratulations– what an exciting place to be ! Hope to see photos of the ring once your engaged !
@MsKiki: Yay! Congrats to you too, cant wait to see photos :D–definitely considering doing something similar with my bf, your right you really can’t tell how a certain style ring will long until its on your finger!
@claireos: he is the one who thinks it would ruin the surprise! It’s funny because I guess I never really thought about whether I cared or not if it was a surprise, I guess I do (now that I am thinking about it)…but in the same regards I want what I want (I think he gets that, I dont know that I could have hinted anymore). Maybe I will bring it up to him in the new year, and i guess worst case scenario, he proposes to me with a ring based off of all the photos i sent him in the email (even if the cushion cut diamond doesn’t have a length to width ratio of greater than 1.15–see how crazy i am?). At the end of the day, i guess its not such a big deal if he does things the way I would ideally like, relationships are about compromise anyway i guess! Either way, I’ll still get to be with the man of my dreams ! 😀
Post # 15
Wow! I think you sound like my twin! I LOVE diamonds and have educated myself well (so well, a sales woman at Tiffany Chicago asked if I was undercover to check her product knowledge, and another person at a chain store asked if I was a Gemologist!). SO wants to propose with a ring and wants me to be somewhat surprised, so he agreed to let me teach him what characteristics I’m looking for in a diamond. He knows which cuts I prefer and the details I’m in love with. I love short, fat ovals (1.25-1.35:1 ratio. . .not totally typical) and asschers with wide cut corners and very specific windmill characteristics. At first, I think he was a bit overwhelmed, but now he sees finding the right diamond a challenge, and he even gets excited about it!
I’ve shown him several asschers that I like on the jamesallen website, and pointed out the characterstics that I like. When we’ve visited stores, he doesn’t like to look at everything in detail, only the stones I’m fond of because he doesn’t want to get confused (or so he says. Lol). We have a while until we plan to be engaged, but we look every now and then so when the time comes, he’ll be prepared. He knows that above all, I do not want him to over pay or over spend.
He said that he knows how much this ring means to me (even though I’d say yes to a proposal with a piece of dental floss as my ring!), and he wants me to be happy. He also said that if I were going to surprise him with his dream car, he’d want me to know all the specifics of his choice as well. He admitted that letting me buy his dream car without him there would make him a bit nervous, so I think he has an idea of how I feel.
Post # 16
My Fiance knew I wanted to pick my own ring. We figured out early on that his favorite styles were my least favorite, lol. I was expecting a spring proposal, and I had been hinting that we should go look at some jewelry stores so he could see what I wanted. He always brushed the suggestion off, so I thought maybe he wasn’t quite ready and I let it go.
Then in January, he proposed out of the blue! He did it with a dime taped to a keyring. It was pretty funny and just so “us”, and I didn’t care at all that he didn’t have a real ring. It meant I got to pick it out!
So if you or your SO want a little more surprise to it, your proposal will be just as special whether there’s a ring in that moment or not 🙂