(Closed) Short engagement stress

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Spartanbee:  I’d love to help you out with this one but I couldn’t figure out how to do it with my husband either! He did ZERO. Look at it this way, it gives you the opportunity to do it your way. If he doesn’t want to put in the effort he can’t complain if something doesn’t go his way. 

Post # 5
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I planned my wedding in 3 months, so you can DO THIS!!  I would suggest picking the choices you like for things (all choices you can live with) and then asking him to pick A, B, or C.  If he doesn’t want to pick, you decide.  If he doesn’t like any of them, then either he is SOL or he finds 3 new choices to show you.  Good luck and try to have fun!

Post # 6
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Spartanbee:  First, you need to give him choices and set deadlines. Giving him choices is probably the best way. Some men just don’t like planning, even if it isn’t girly. He still has plently of time to pick his guys (it’s good he isn’t rushing) and he probably doesn’t think the website is that important at this point (and until you send out your invites, it really isn’t).

What I did (and it worked) was a few months out from the wedding I gave Darling Husband a list I found on The Knot of all the stuff left to do. He immediately got overwhelmed and saw how mcuh there was left to do and really picked up the pace.

Good luck. It isn’t easy getting opinions or help from your man, but you need to prioritize properly and give him choices.

Post # 7
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Spartanbee:  I had a hard time getting my Fiance to help out too and I had about 5 months to plan my first wedding celebration. Finally he saw how stressed out I was and kicked in, but I wish he’d have done it sooner.


I agree with PPs that you should give him only 2 choices. “This” or “That” speak now or forever hold your peace kinda deal. If he doesn’t know or doesn’t like it but doesn’t want to do the work to figure out alternatives, he does not get a choice. 


Write out everything you need to do by what deadilne and share it with him. My Fiance ended up crossing out a bunch of things that weren’t important to both of us, but knowing (in the back of his mind) how much work it was to even do the non-girly stuff (like pick a caterer) he realized he wasn’t being helpful.


Hugs and good luck!

Post # 8
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Spartanbee:  if you figure this out let me know…I literally have to like corner Fiance to help me make decisions! 

Post # 10
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Spartanbee:  Have you picked your venue? I would recommend choosing a venue that includes everything…ceremony space, cocktail hour, reception room, catering, linen’s, possible cake baker. We choose an all-inclusive venue, and while it doesn’t make it super easy, it’s a huge help in planning! Good luck fellow May 2014 bride!

Post # 12
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

We did it in six months, and I found giving him set projects and deadlines helped “Hey, you need to figure out the tuxes by DATE.” We used google docs for everything- the budget, assignements/deadlines, addresses ad RSVPS, etc. It also helped that the spreadsheets allowed him to see how much more I was doing (I wasn’t working at the time, and wanted/had the time to do more, but it was still a lot.)

Some things Darling Husband just didn’t care about, like the cake, so with his okay, I just made those decisions myself. Made it a lot easier once we narrowed down what mattered to him.

And to make it easier on YOU, go with your gut. Once you’ve made your decisions, run with them- you don’t have time to question yourself.  

Post # 13
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Spartanbee:  Take a deep breath!


We will have been engaged for 7 months when our wedding rolls around, too.

I just got my dress in September, it’s not due in until January, and the wedding is in March.  However, right now I’m happy about that because it gives me more time to work on my “bridal body” so I don’t feel locked into the extra 10 lbs I’m trying to lose ๐Ÿ™‚


Also, I would say once the venue, photographer, and dress were taken care of, the rest seemed a lot less time sensitive.  Not to say you will have all the options in the world, but florists are a lot more capable of handling several events than say, a photog.  


As for my fi, he attended all of the vendor meetings and helped me in decision making/ reviewing contracts, but I wouldn’t say he has been proactive about his own tasks.  So I assign him deadlines as up front as possible and try to be reasonable about it. “I need you to ask all your groomsmen by XX/XX so that we can have the wedding website updated with their info by XX/XX so it’s done when we mail the STD’s on XX/XX.”  Then, I give him warnings about when the deadline is approaching.  Kind warnings, not nagging ones.  It seems to work although we still haven’t got groomsmen wear (his job) picked out LOL


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