Short engagement (under 3 months); how to handle pregnancy rumors/judgement etc?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
5126 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

We had a short engagement and we never announced it aside from our close friends, so nobody really knew. We also had only been together for less that a year and a half, so when we announced that we were married on facebook, we did get some comments and pregnancy rumors. Honestly, I just laughed them off or made a sarcastic comment or joke (yeah, man, pregnant with quintuplets, can you image?). I feel like the shine will wear off soon enough and people will move on to something else. 

Post # 3
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We were together 10 months when he proposed, and we had a 5 month long engagement. I did hear jokes about pregnancy, and I did hear judgement about our timeline. However, the best thing to do is laugh it off and ignore it. The pregnancy rumors will go away in a few months when you still aren’t pregnant. The judgement will go away with each anniversary you celebrate as a couple. No one knows your relationship and what’s best for you better than you do. We could have waited and wasted time to avoid people’s comments, but I’m not willing to have other people dictate my life’s choices. I’m so happy to be married, and I’m so happy that I’m with the kind of guy who knows his own mind and would never make me wait.

Post # 4
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

With pregnancy rumors, I say an adament “no” to family, and with non close friends/aquantices I just assume they’ll figure it out when I don’t have a baby in 9 months. I mostly just ignore what people say since I am so happy in my relationship and where it’s heading, and I surround myself with people that are also happy for us, or at least understanding. 

Those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter!

Post # 5
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

jonasbutterfly :  this is long but:

I had a 3 month engagement as well. I am 34 so I think a lot of people looked at my waistline and wondered. Lol, I just joked w everyone that it was not a shotgun wedding.

Advice for a short engagement? Figure out your 5 “must haves” and focus on those priorities. 

**Keep it small. Just remember, the large the guest list, the more of everything you will need. And the more it will cost. And the more time it will take to organize. 

**Make a wedding gmail account. Use google docs and sheets like it’s your job. Lifesaver! Give your Fiance access so he is in the know as well!

**Agree on a budget. And assume you’ll go over by 10%. Then add another 10% contingency.

**Pick an all inclusive venue.  #1.  Cannot stress this enough. Find a venue that has catering in house, and has the chairs/linens/etc, and includes set up & clean up.  A DIY venue where you have to source the liquor, bartender, rentals, and food is going to drive you mad. Because you’ll also be managing a florist, photog, makeup, hair *and* bridal party, relatives. (Tip: we found that hotels, country clubs and restaurants were most inclusive and museums and venues were least! Many museum and venues required you to have a DOC for liability purposes!)

**Make wedding planning a couples project. You’ll need a helpful Fiance to pull this off in 3 months. If he’s not willingly helpful, you need to sit down and ask him to step up. Divide and conquer, delegate things to him that aren’t your priority and be ok with his decisions (my Fiance was in charge of DJ, Photobooth, Minimoon and Favors). I am highly organized had corporate event planning experience so a wedding was in my wheelhouse but still, I couldn’t have done it without Darling Husband. We made wedding planning kind of like a couples hobby. Putting together invitations was a fun night, we had wine & made a little assembly line. And registering was a pseudo date night (although I totally suggest doing it online bc you can read reviews!). Vendor appointments we followed with going out to dinner to discuss and review.

**Pick common standard colors. Red, navy blue, cream, gold, black, silver, etc. Don’t go with a rose gold or blush or saffron or whatever – you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to find things in those specific shades. We went with black & whites with silver accents. (Tip – yellow gold is way more popular than silver, everything was gold!)

**Don’t go overboard with DIY décor, in the end it’s just not worth it! I read so many articles, guests care about food, open bar & comfort. They don’t care about rustic chalkboard signage or mason jars or burlap runners, lol.

**Be OK with a rack or sample dress. This is unfortunate b/c I think it’s a sham. They say dresses need a 6 month lead time, so you’ll need to go to places with samples or rack dresses. BHLDN is very boho, David’s Bridal, etc. Other options are formal dress stores, in the south, think pageant dress shops. If you are in or near NYC, I can wholeheartedly suggest Forever Together in Great Neck. They were able to search their system for new dresses in stock in my size, including Mori Lees and Justin Alexanders and Wtoos. I ended up going w a sample bc it was only 1 size too big and easily altered.

**Expect to miss out on some of the “pre-wedding” festivities. I didn’t do a shower b/c we had 3 months, and I was ok with that. I made it clear up front that it wasn’t looking for a bachelorette. Fortunately, my dress was in NYC which is where all my friends live and I had to go up for a fitting a month before, they threw me a very intimate girls weekend in the Hamptons to coincide w my fitting.

HEAVILY CONSIDER:

**Have a small wedding party. Honestly, if you are throwing a wedding in 3 months, you don’t want to spend time picking out brides maids dresses and dealing w the inevitable drama. Also consider if all your bridesmaids have the time and resources to dedicate to a last minute wedding.

**Day of Coordinator. It you can’t swing this, make sure your venue has someone that is willing to act like your day of. Seriously, do not put mom or sis or cousin in charge of this.

Post # 6
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee

Ignore them. Change the subject when someone gets judgy, makes yet another pregnancy comment. If they nag you on it, tell them they are being rude. Marriage and babies seems to bring out the worst in people, so do your best to brush it off and move on.

Post # 7
Member
3532 posts
Sugar bee

Tell them to GFthemselves, and they’ll figure it out when there’s no baby? I don’t bother with tact when the person on the other end doesn’t either.

Post # 8
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee

They’ll realize you aren’t pregnant when there is no baby in 9 months. 

Post # 9
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

My parents got married in 1947, in a civil ceremony. My mom says she knows there was gossip that she was pregnant. But she wasn’t, and she said they can count on their fingers up to 9, and if they need more, they can take off their shoes and keep counting. 

If someone asks you that intrusive question, laugh as if it was meant to be a joke, and get away from them. They can also take off their shoes.

Post # 10
Member
46 posts
Newbee

My fiancé and I have only been together for 11 months, and our official engagement will only be 3 and a half months. We get married in 10 days! I haven’t had anyone mention those kind of questions to me or spread those kind of rumors. However, I don’t have social media so that’s probably why. But I would just ignore it all, and look forward to your big day!

Post # 11
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jonasbutterfly :  You can’t stop anyone’s thoughts of course!  However if you are directly asked if you’re pregnant, just give a simple yes or no… Don’t sweat the small stuff. 

Post # 12
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

jonasbutterfly :  Ignore them. My engagement was only 4 months. And it was the perfect amount of time for us! I don’t care what other people think about it!!

Post # 13
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

“Pregnant? Whaaat? I should’ve thought of that…No, I just need him to marry me before the enchantment wears off.” Conversely, “he needs me to marry him before the enchantment wears off.”

Option C: “we’d rather be married than engaged!”

And finally, “wait, how long was YOUR engagement?” They’ll answer. ”WHY did you wait so long?”

Bonus points: “this way no one can steal our thunder.”

Rudeness begets rudeness. 

Post # 14
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

Darling Husband and I were engaged less than 24 hours before eloping and many in his extended family suspect that I’m pregnant as a result. I don’t care enough to argue or whatever so I just rest easy knowing that they’ll have to let it go when no baby shows up.

Post # 15
Member
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

larissakay :  THIS. Marriage brings out the worst in people. I figured this out when a single friend told me I didn’t understand her heartbreak because I wasn’t single (as if I’ve never had my heart broken before?)

Take it in stride, laugh it off, move on. People will find a way to try to start something if you’re engaged for 3 months or 3 years.

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