(Closed) Dear Mom…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
26 posts
Newbee

Believe me ! All what your mother do is for you. She wants you marry with a great guy that’s why she wants your BF to be who she expected. 

Post # 4
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hi there.

I feel so much pain in your words. And you are completely justified in getting this off your chest. It’s very healthy to write (or type) things out and especially to seek any type of good/comforting/helpful/moral advice. And yes, I love my mom so dearly, but there are times where I do get in situatuions with her that are difficult and take a lot of energy out of me. No wonder…Relationships require lots of care and work. And if anything, these feelings (and this post) you have reveal how much you really do love her, care for her, and want her approval of the man she loves and sees herself spending her life with, like any daughter would desire.

First off, I am sorry, you must be going through a whirlwind *hugs to you* I feel your mom is not communicating her concerns to the both of you in a healthy way. Instead of lashing out of you or about your boyfriend, she could share her feelings, anxieties, and worries to you in a mature way. However, I sense (from what you wrote) that she really just wants her daughter to be happy…and “happy” coming from a mother’s view can mean “financially stable.” I am sure your boyfriend will find a wonderufl job he loves (because it really ISN’T about money, although necessary for survival, ha…fiance and I have had SO many talks about this particular subject).

I was in a similar situation with my mother (and fiance’s parents as well). My fiance (who very family oriented, very smart, has lots of goals, down to earth, all the above….) is planning to attend medical school, and when he was exploring his other options, he chose graduate school for education for a little while (he’s a genius with math and incredibly gifted at teaching/tutoring students). His family got upset and my mother did a little, only because they want to make sure we have a better life than they did–and I think your mom, naturally, may want to make sure you’re well taken care of (financially speaking) and some people feel that certain jobs just ‘aren’t enough’. It really comes down to that, and well, it’s terrible the way some people choose to worry about money and security–but that’s how parents tend to think.

I really sense it’s not about “him” as a person…and if I’m wrong, then sadly she may be missing out on having a relationship with a wonderful guy her daughter is blessed to be with.

For a while, I was a little shaken up about things when my fiance’s parents got upset with him regarding his future plans (this was years ago by the way). I felt it was superficial and i even began to feel that they looked down on me because I’m not interested in the high-paying medical field, etc. Sadly, I was very wrong, though. Both of our parents lived a difficult life because they had to work incredibly hard to provide a decent lifestyle. And, both of our parents never achieved college degrees, and it made it that much more difficult for them. I am currently finishing up my Bachelor’s degree in Visual Arts (art is my passion and gifting). But, I will admit they never treated my fiance badly about it. They just questioned him a lot, and teased him here and there.

So, I’m hoping things improve and that there is better communication for you. I wish you the best and am sorry if the ride may be bumpy for a while. It shall pass, I really hope so! He sounds like a wonderful man with a good head on his shoulders who knows that money does not mean happiness, but it is still important (some people have a hard time digesting the true meaning of that through the brain). So, good for him! ๐Ÿ™‚ Just kill her with kindness, and try to use the EAR method for communication (Empathy, Assertiveness, and Respect)…that is what my counselor always encourages when trying to communicate with someone. 

My condolences and best wishes to you, fellow Bee.

There’s nothing wrong with the one you love, or even yourself. If she cannot accept him as he is (with or without the job she wishes he had), it’s hard to say, but then that is a superficial relationship sprouting right there. Sounds like you both know what authentic happiness is. You both are no dummies when it comes to money, either.

Sorry this is so long, I just feel for ya and understand a taste of what you’re feeling! Congrats on being with someone you love and someone who treats you well! Good luck and “bee” happy, life is exciting ๐Ÿ˜‰

I truly hope I’ve been of help, my friend.

Blessings.

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