Shotgun weddings

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you commit because of a child?
    No, the relationship needs to be good enough on its own : (79 votes)
    88 %
    Yes, sometimes life happens : (11 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    6559 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    lauralaura123 :  But are you saying you wouldn’t trust your partner to help you support a baby, even if you were not married? What kind of crappy guy are you dating for 6 years?

    Post # 33
    Member
    4608 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    You would support the baby yourself while staying together with this guy? Or you would break up with him and then have the baby? 

    It’s his baby too and surely he knows that the consequences of having sex is that there is a chance it will result in a baby. 

    lauralaura123 :  

    Post # 34
    Member
    569 posts
    Busy bee

    Well if you hadn’t planned the baby either, why would it be your sole responsibility? 

    The more posts you make about this guy the worse it gets. Is there no one else you could date? lauralaura123 :  

    Post # 35
    Member
    6559 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    lauralaura123 :  You’re not making any logical sense. You’d stay with the guy, yes? But you wouldn’t expect him to help in any way whatsoever? 

    Post # 36
    Member
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    llevinso :  Agreed. I’d like to add, child support isn’t for the parent, it’s for the child, so by denying it, you are denying your hypothetical child financial support and the advantages that come with it.

    Post # 37
    Member
    7761 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    lauralaura123 :  

    No , I think you misunderstood,  not me.  The word  ‘decent’ when applied to a woman invariably does not mean  pyromaniac ( wtf?) or even drug addict , it means ‘not promiscuous’ and I would  be very surprised if your bf was referring to firestarting rather than  sex.  

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    8608 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    elderbee :  I interpreted it the way OP is describing. “Decent” is commonly used to mean slightly above average. I make decent spare ribs. My child is a decent singer. It doesn’t have to include a moral judgement. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    1964 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I know some people who got married because the girl was pregnant, and they lived happily ever after. I guess it really depends on the situation. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

    I have to agree that not every woman that a guy sleeps with is “decent” or “wife material” because as I know we ALL know sex is not always done in a responsible way (i.e prostitution, one night stands, etc.) is it right? NO, but the simple truth is that is does happen. By nature people tend to have “urges” and when they come they aren’t always satisfied in a “socially acceptable” way.

    I really think that’s what OP means when she says that the woman might not always be “wife material” just because the guy slept with her.

    I know good and well we ALL know people don’t always choose the best person to lay with and make a child (men and women, it’s not just the man’s fault), people make bad decisions in that area ALL the time. 

    With that being said I don’t think shot-gun wedding are ALWAYS right, what I think is that people should make better choices when deciding to have sex with someone. In some situations they may be okay such as the man and woman have been together for long enough (say at least a year) and just have been putting marriage off for whatever reason, the child may be the “push” they need. When that happens YES the man should know whether or not the woman is “wife material” since he’s been with her long enough.

    This is all my OPINION.

    Post # 42
    Member
    388 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Shotgun wedding meant a father saved his teenage daughter from disgrace by coercing the young man into marriage. Very different from a long-term couple deciding to marry after an unplanned pregnancy. Most men don’t dream of their wedding day. They often think more practically of the difficulties and how marriage may change a relationship. Often they just don’t see the point since they already enjoy most of the benefits of a marriage.

    If a baby is what pushes a man to consider marriage, that doesn’t necessarily mean his commitment to you was lacking before. Heck, some couples marry for insurance.

    Now if the couple is unhappy and experiencing problems, obviously marrying due to baby is a bad idea

     

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    6833 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think some people are reading way too much into this. When I read “if she’s decent” I interpreted it as “as long as she’s not bat-shit crazy or a druggie”….because at the end of the day people casually see men/women all the time with intentions of having a good time and not as a long-term partner. I’ve always been a committed person, but I know just as many women who dated guys knowing they weren’t “husband material” but they weren’t looking for that – they were looking for carefree and fun. 

    Anyway..back to the topic. OP your boyfriend sounds like an ass. Not for the “decent” comment but for the fact he’d marry a stranger if she was pregnant but after several years with you still doesn’t know? You need to cut your losses and move on. Find someone who is worth of you and knows without a doubt they want to marry you. 

    As for the other question, no I wouldn’t have a baby before marriage. I guess if Darling Husband and I had an accidental pregancy before marriage we would have gone to the courthouse and gotten married. That being said I don’t know that I would have an accidental pregnancy to begin with. Not having a baby before marriage was something I felt strongly about, and thus I took the necessary precautions. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2019

    OP,  every single post I’ve ever seen from you has made me cringe. What is with all this “I wouldn’t accept child support if he didn’t plan the child” nonsense? Why should the woman bear all responsibility for an unplanned child just because it grew in her body? In what world is that fair?

    I can’t tell if this guy has gaslit the hell out of you or if you’re just really this cynically naive, but please just stop. This is not how partnerships work.

    Post # 45
    Member
    10032 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    The term shotgun wedding is a throwback to early America.  It actually refers to a marriage that was arranged to protect the bride and her family’s reputations.

    There was a time when having a child out of wedlock was highly stigmatized.

    It’s become an American colloquialism.  It often references forcing the male half of the equation to provide financially for his wife and child.

    Mercifully, the term has been fading out.

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