- 4 months ago
Directly to the OP’s comments about her specifically getting pregnant. Each time your boyfriend has sex with you and he isn’t using a condom, or pulling out, or whatever HE needs to do to cover his own ass from getting you pregnant? He is planning to have a baby. (The woman saying she has birth control covered is NOT automatic protection.) Same with you. Each time you have sex with him and you aren’t insisting on a condom, or using birth control pills etc? You are planning to have a baby. So if you get pregnant its because one of you or both didn’t take steps to prevent that, which means both of you are responsible. There is no “he gets off the hook because he wasn’t planning” garbage. If a guy is too stupid to protect himself and lay all the responsibility for getting pregnant on the woman? Well he can’t be suprised he got her pregnant. Same goes for the woman. No one can get me pregnant if I don’t want them to.
As to the general discussion, me personally always saw having kids outside of marriage as embarassing because from what I saw, it was always an oops situation. I only ever knew 1 couple growing up who didn’t believe in marriage and wanted kids so had kids and that was fine because both people in that relationship were happy with that arrangement. Everyone else got pregnant by being irresponsible, or trying to deliberately trap their boyfriend. I actually know of 3 girls who all got pregnant on purpose to try and trap their boyfriends. Here’s what happened to them:
– One girl has an engagement ring, 3 kids with this guy and no actual wedding in sight. Its been 8+ years and im willing to bet its gonna be 8+ more years.. Both their families are wealthy so no real excuse to not have a wedding.
– One girl had baby #1 to trap him and then baby #2 conveniently when he was going to dump her. This girl had a trust fund and was on paper an ideal person to marry and have a family with. He eventually did break up with her and is now engaged to someone else.
– The last girl got pregnant and the guy wasted her time promising her marriage for 5 years before she got smart and moved on.
To me this was a good enough example that marriage should come before kids. Because I want a guy who wants to marry me for me, not because im having his kid. And I want the whole world to know that too. I know 2 people as adults that got pregnant and then married and the elephant in the room is definately wondering if he married her for the kid or because he actually wanted to. I just have no interest in having that cloud hanging over my marriage.
Having said that, I am aware that life happens and IF my current boyfriend and I got pregnant tomorrow we would most likely get married a lot quicker than we are currently planning to. It wouldn’t be ideal, and it wouldn’t be my dream for my life to be getting married while pregnant, but we are planning to get married anyways so I would have to just deal with it. But to me getting to the point where we are married and deciding to try for a baby? That would be amazing to me because I would have done it the way I wanted to, id be very proud of myself for waiting for that.