(Closed) Should a Bride sing at her Wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I sing at my wedding ceremony/mass?
    Sing just the psalm : (9 votes)
    16 %
    Sing the psalm and communion hymn : (10 votes)
    18 %
    Do not sing : (37 votes)
    66 %
  • Post # 3
    676 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Personally, I think that sounds really nice…I don’t see anything wrong with it. I think that would be a really personal touch to the ceremony.

    Post # 4
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    My cousin sang a song to her husband during her catholic wedding. It was beautiful. I also have a friend who’s husband played the guitar and sang to her during theirs. I say go for it.

    Post # 5
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Hardcore Catholic here. 🙂 I think it would be completely appropriate and beautiful for you to do this. I’m a lector, and my groom and I are doing the first and second readings at our wedding Mass.

    Post # 6
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I had a Catholic ceremony.  So I understand how it would go.  My first impression, is that it would look kind of strange to to be cantoring in your gown.  It’s just hard for me to picture.  Besides, I think it could sound like one of those things that a bride thinks is a great idea, but when it actually comes to the day of your wedding, just adds to your stress.  It was too momentous just to be at my wedding, and soak in everything that was going on.  I can’t imagine then having to be on cue, and perform.  Does that also require your Maid/Matron of Honor ot follow you around and straighten out your dress more than usual?  Ican realte in a Cathloic way, not a cantoring way.  But I would probably vote to skip it.

    But I wouldn’t say that it’s "tacky" or lacking etiquette.  I’m not sure I would have any thoughts or  reactions regarding the bride, other than it striking me as maybe a bit odd.  But maybe if I knew the bride was a cantorer, I would understand.  Also, if it really makes the mass more meaningful to you, that’s what’s really important.  Have you asked your priest for an opinion?

    Post # 7
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    Much as I would want to, I wouldn’t do it, even though you can sing and you have cantored before (I am a singer too, although not a cantor, and I know how awesome it is to sing in public. I am also Catholic and had a Catholic wedding.). I am sure cantoring makes you feel close to God, but I am doubly sure that getting married is even better in that department. I would want to concentrate on being a bride and not have my attention diverted by having to cantor. You will get other chances to cantor, but (hopefully) no other chances to be a bride. As Tanya said, it’s rather overwhelming to be getting married, and you might regret giving yourself that added burden when push comes to shove.

    Also, from a guest’s point of view, I would feel like it was breaking the symbolism of bride-and-groom-united to have the bride getting up and leaving her groom twice to go run the service. I would want to keep my focus on your unity as a couple and not on what a great singer you are. When the marrying couple participate in the ceremony, usually it is together, like to hand out communion. Or for the person who mentioned doing the readings, both her and her husband were each doing one, whereas it doesn’t sound like your husband would have a corrolating part to play…..I am uncertain on how big a deal this is, and much more certain on your day being very overwhelming with emotion!

    I think the blunt reactions from your mom, Maid/Matron of Honor, and other friends have some credence to them, and they have nothing to do with your qualifications for the job, just the appropriateness of doing it at your own wedding. I think if they are reacting this way, it’s safe to say that other people in your life are going to react this way too. How do you feel about that?

    Post # 8
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am a trained soprano and I want to sing in my wedding. Definitely a neat idea!

    Post # 9
    38 posts

    What does your Fiance say about the idea?  I think if you want to do it you should, but also keep in mind what some of the others say, do you want the added stress?  would it take away from you the  unity of the ceremony (for you and your future husband, not the guests)? How does the Priest feel about it? 

    Good luck!

    Post # 11
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    If you want to sing but don’t want a solo, what about having a congregational singing? That way you can feel connected to the religious aspect of the service without putting yourself in the spotlight.

    Post # 12
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I really like the idea of you singing but don’t love how your husband would just have to hang out by himself.  Do you have to go over to the cantor stand or could you just sing from your spot on the altar?  I think that would be very lovely. 

    (Speaking as someone who is neither a public singer nor a Catholic but as one who enjoys and appreciates singing and has attended many, many masses as a part of her middle school education.) 

    Post # 13
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Personally, I think that it would really disrupt the flow of the service.  I think it would feel a little choppy.  


    I also think you might enjoy spending that time with your husband.  One of my favorite things from the last full-Mass wedding I went to was during the solo, when the bride leaned over and put her head on the groom’s shoulders.  Even from the back of the church, it was so apparent how happy they were and what a nice break it was for them.

    Post # 14
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    You’re right; I’m going to say you should do what you think is best. 😉 But I would probably not do it, just because you’re already going to have a lot going on leading up to the wedding and personally I wouldn’t want the extra stress in the final analysis. But if you know you can handle it and it won’t be an issue, I think it sounds like a lovely idea. It’s what you *do*! (sort of.)

    Post # 15
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I’d say do it.  I think it would make the ceremony very personal.

    Post # 16
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    As a guest, I would probably see this as the bride trying to get as much spotlight as possible.  Plus, when would you have time to warm up with everything going on?  I’d say just sit back and enjoy it.

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