(Closed) Should a person be graduated/have a job etc. before getting engaged?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Are graduating from school and/or getting a good job prerequisites for getting engaged?
    No, whenever you're ready is the right time, as long as BF is ready too : (167 votes)
    50 %
    Yes, wait until done with grad school (or college if that's your stopping point) : (39 votes)
    12 %
    Yes, wait until done w/ (grad) school AND have a good job : (71 votes)
    21 %
    No, whenever you're ready, but should wait until boyfriend has solid job : (46 votes)
    14 %
    Other, please explain : (14 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    *shrugs* I got married relatively young, so I find this whole “when are you supposed to get engaged” debate headache inducing. People will tell you a thousand different things, but the only thing that ultimately matters in this is the choices YOU personally make, every day and every step of the way. 

    If you were a sister or one of my BFFs, and I genuinely had reservations about something in your relationship, I would talk to you about it. Otherwise? Godspeed!

    Post # 4
    Member
    9482 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Minutiae:  +1

    If you talk to my co-worker, she’ll tell you it’s stupid to get married and to wait until you’re 30.

    My thoughts?  Whatever works for you and your Fiance.  You can be engaged for however long before you tie the knot.

    Post # 5
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m finishing up my bachelors this fall, and getting married the fall after. I plan on applying to grad schools the same fall I get married. It was important to my parents that I finish my bach first, as neither of them got their college degrees and they don’t want me to be too distracted during my last semester. For me, it will be a pro to get married before I attend grad school. I won’t be worrying about a wedding during grad school, then, and being married will give us some benefits as far as school funding and the normal marriage benefits.

    I can’t wait! But I think what is the right time is different for every couple ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 6
    Member
    3720 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    In my experience, you should not get engaged until you know who you are. For us, that meant working, living independently, and being financially independent. I could have been ready to get engaged in grad school, but I think it was better for me to wait to see how we worked as a couple that worked (my first job+ his job=disaster, opposite hours. My new job+his job=much better fit). From my experience, the friends who have the roughest first few years of marriage are those that have never lived independant of their parents (including financially). I strongly suggest taking that step before thinking about marriage. If that step happens in grad school, that is fine. If it doesn’t happen until afterwards, that is fine too. It is better to be ready then to rush.

    Post # 7
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I was finished with grad school when we got engaged but my Fiance was just starting law school (we got engaged at the end of July, he started at the end August). I don’t think there are any rules – I would say, when the time is right for both of you is the best time to get engaged ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 8
    Member
    1058 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I was not working full time (in my profession) or finish with my master’s when my husband and I got married. but we did a whole wedding, honeymoon, and are living just fine….. its up to the couple….. I will finish my masters by December…!!!! YAy and with a different last name on the degree than I had with my BS.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2261 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it depends on how driven you or your boyfriend are at the time. I have an incredible drive and attribute my personal goals to that fact. Many other women I know cannot do well in both work/school/engagement at the same time. I guess I’m one of the fortunate few who can work it! 

    Post # 10
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I can say that I waited about a year longer than Darling Husband wanted to because I wanted to make sure I could get a job in the area. I don’t think that’s the right choice for everyone, though! It just made sense for me because I lived with my parents in the time before we were married and after college.

    Post # 11
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m done with school and have been working since 2010.  Fiance was actually working when we met, but he went back to school.  He will be done before we get married, but he’s still in school right now.

    I think it’s all relative, because I’m actually younger than him, but it took him a while to get around to doing what he wanted with his life.  He was ready, and so was I, and that’s all that matters to us.

    Post # 12
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Honestly, its all in how you two feel about each other and whether you think it makes sense to wait until after school to get engaged.  When it came to my Fiance and I, we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other, and he’d already saved enough for the ring.  We kept saying things like “after we’re married” and “when we have kids,” and at some point, it just didn’t make any sense to us to wait to get engaged.  We wanted to let the world know that we were in it for the long haul!

    That being said, our engagement will be about 1 and a half years long by the time we get married.  We’re both graduating in August (me with my master’s and he with his bachelor’s) and we’re not tying the knot until March of next year.  Ideally, we’d both like to have stable jobs and start paying off his student loans by the time the wedding rolls around!

    Post # 13
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think money is the scariest thing in wedding/ getting married so both should have a plan this pretty much means have a good job.

    Post # 14
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    i think it really depends on what “engagement” means to the couple. some people have longer engagements throughout which they don’t plan from too early on, and it’s mostly about the commitment they make. for some it’s the starting point of all things wedding planning. in the case of the former, i don’t think it matters too much how you’re doing financially or whether you’re in college. but if engagement means you start planning right away, you inevitably need the funds and time to invest in your wedding. 

    just my take on it, of course!

    in my case, my Boyfriend or Best Friend graduated college 6 years ago and has been working steadily since then, and i’m a grad student and still will be when we get engaged. we won’t be planning our wedding right away since i still want to focus on my studies and we’re also in a long distance relationship right now, but we want to get engaged this year for several reasons, and to us it feels right so i have no worries about it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 15
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t really see how any of that makes any difference at all in determining if two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Statistically people who marry older and with a better education are far more likely to stay married. There are enough stresses in being a newlywed, adding school, uncertain jobs, and debt to that isn’t a fantastic idea. I’m sure it works for some people, but I wouldn’t do it personally, nor would I counsel anyone to do it that way.

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