(Closed) Should an explanation be expected?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: A friend not chosen as a bridesmaid; is an explanation to her necessary?

    No way - it's your wedding and your choice! Everyone needs to get on board or get over it.

    An explanation is nice if you'd once said she'd be a bridesmaid and now isn't.

    An explanation is nice if you know she's expecting/hoping to be a bridesmaid, even if not promised.


  • Post # 17
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think you’ve handled the situation well. I too had to learn that I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my decisions. The funny thing is that the people demanding them actually already know the answers. This girl knows exactly why she isn’t in your wedding party. She doesn’t need one from you because she will make up one that suits her imagination anyway.

    I wouldn’t respond to her either. If she is as explosive as you say, responding will only stir up more drama. If she doesn’t show up to your wedding–yay! She would probably walk around sullen playing the martyr, and whining to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be near her.

    *Sorry if I’m over the top OP. I’m beginning to get a real attitude about this type of behavior surrounding weddings

    Post # 18
    1747 posts
    Bumble bee

    @MrsTahoe: No, trying to explain yourself will only cause a fight. Stand by your position and send her an invite. If she comes, wonderful. If she does not attend, oh well. She is an adult and you can not control her actions nor can she control yours.  

    Post # 19
    155 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think you’ve handled everything well.  If you had previously, or recently said that she would be a bridesmaid, or if she asked then I think a simple “sorry, when it came down to it I made this decision” would suffice.  But I don’t think if you had never mentioned it you should then seek her out to tell her why.

    Sounds like she’s just decided to be mad, and it’s ultimately her loss.

    Post # 20
    630 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Okay, is the poll meant as like a hypothetical situation or your situation specifically? If it’s not your situation specifically, I am kind of shocked by the results.

    Post # 23
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @MrsTahoe:  What happened?  It wasn’t pretty.  She got really mad and walked out of a Starbucks on me, claiming that I was insensitive and “needing space”.  It honestly confirmed my choice.  Things between us were a little awkward for a couple of months, but it seems fine now.  We just NEVER talk about the wedding, which suits me just fine.  

    You’re right, being engaged and planning a wedding really does bring out crazy sides of people (including ourselves sometimes!) that we didn’t know they had.  Sigh. That’s why being engaged is TEMPORARY!  😉

    Post # 24
    3 posts
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My two cents: I was expecting to stand for a close friend and former roommate.  She and her guy were together many years before tying the knot, and she had always told me I’d be in the bridal party.  After he proposed, she asked her Maid/Matron of Honor, but I heard nothing.  Weeks and then months went by and I didn’t hear from her, not even a call to tell me she got engaged (I found out on facebook with everybody else).  Finally I asked her about it.  She said on two separate occasions that nothing was final yet, when I knew that she just didn’t want to actually tell me I’d been excluded.  To me, the important thing wasn’t that she didn’t choose me (although that hurt), but her evasive techniques.  Finally we had a discussion about it, and I felt better and closer to her again- knowing who she had chosen, I saw why they were better choices and waasn’t upset about it.  I was glad to attend her wedding.

    All told, I do think an explanatory conversation is nice, but a reasonable friend won’t throw a temper tantrum if you don’t ask them, either.  As others have said, her reaction indicates you made a good choice!


    The topic ‘Should an explanation be expected?’ is closed to new replies.

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