Post # 1
I recently proposed the idea to the other bridesmaids that we all chip in and get the bride a special gift. Only a couple people were on board with my gift idea. All the other bridesmaids decided that it would be a better idea to pool our money and cover one of the wedding costs(bar, hair and makeup,or something else).
Is this a normal type of gift? It really wasn’t what I was thinking and I’m not too sure how I feel about it.
The bride is not asking for gifts like this. I may be out of the loop, but a couple people were suggesting that the bride could not afford the wedding she wanted. She may not be being honest with me about her budget, but I don’t really know.
Post # 3
I’ve never heard of that before. Is it something the bride has mentioned that she’d like?
Post # 4
@jenall: Good grief, no – the wedding party should not be offering to pay for the wedding.
I’m not much of a fan of group gifts. You should all give whatever you choose yourselves.
Post # 5
@jenall: it seems a little odd to me. If you know your bride is having a hard time covering costs and it would be meaningful to her then sure. Maybe buy her some of her day of accessories, or the guestbook, cake knife, toasting glasses – things like that. Personally, I would want a gift from my BMs to be a physical thing I could keep.
Post # 6
Nope, this is not normal. I am not a fan of group gifts and would say you are doing your own thing.
Post # 8
Nope. Kind of t-word to me.
Post # 9
If the bride was asking, I would say OH HELL NO.
But if the bridal party is offering then I don’t see anything wrong with it, so long as the bride and groom don’t feel slighted. Some people are not very good at accepting those kinds of gifts. It makes them uncomfortable. But if the bridal party thinks the bride and groom would accept it, and the bridal party can agree on a realistic budget, then I say go for it. I don’t see much difference between everyone kicking in to pay for the bar or everyone kicking in to pay for the couple to do something really fun during their honeymoon.
I would just say, don’t make your gift be the hair/makeup if the bridesmaids are also getting hair/makeup, because even though it’s polite for the bride to pay for those things, it just seems kind of weird for you to pay for your own hairdo and call it a gift to the bride. Yeah i know it’s still money from her pocket no matter where it ends up. Just leaves a bad taste in my mouth if your money ends up being spent on your makeup and gets called HER gift.
Post # 10
@jenall: No. As i bride, i would prefer a personal gift. Not even for you guys to spend lots of money or any at that. But the brides gift she be to her. Im sure catching a bill would be nice too specially for a bride on a budget but i think she would appreciate the personal gift 🙂
Post # 11
Never heard of that before. It’s more customary to give a gift.
Post # 12
I’ve never heard of that before.. and I dislike group gifts. You never know someone’s financial position, and it could put one of the maids into some hardship.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I think group gifts are fine if you want to go in on something big from the registry (if she has one) or get her something special that you know she would like. But I’m not too sure about chipping in on wedding expenses without consulting the bride first.
Post # 14
@jenall: Maybe this kind of thing is a bit more common in the UK. I mean it’s not mainstream for the bridal party, but I have heard of family members and close guests covering the cost of the cake/ putting x amount behind the bar (cash bars are common here)/ paying a percentage of the overnight accomodation/ flowers etc as gifts to the bride and groom.
Post # 15
Uhm… if the bride can’t afford her own wedding, it’s by NO MEANS the bridal party’s job or problem to chip in and help out with any deficits.
I would be MORTIFIED if my bridesmaids tried to help me out financially, especially if they thought I couldn’t afford the wedding I planned.
I would just skip the group gift and get your own gift instead.
Though quite frankly I am in the “bridal party shouldn’t be expected to give gifts period” boat, I realize not everyone feels the same way about that.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It can go either way in this situation. I’ve definitely paid for part of the wedding for my friends. One friend could not hire a professional photographer because a non-pro was forced on her. If she would have hired a photographer herself, there may have been some serious repercussions for her FI/now husband’s military career. So I hired a photographer for her. No one could blame the bride for a gift she received, and I was more than happy to be the cover she needed in order to assure that she had decent photos. Another friend was not the best at planning/budgeting. She ran out of money to pay for professional hair and make-up travel fees (they were quite hefty fees). The bride was going to spend 4 hours on her wedding day driving to/from the salon, all with her dreadful MIL. I stepped in and covered the hair and make-up as my gift to her, and she cried from sheer relief of that one stress. In both situations my gift was worth a lot more to the couple than any vase or check could ever be. But in other situations where the couple really had it all under control I happily gave a more traditional gift.