(Closed) Should children get to eat that? (closed)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should we do

    Tell them no

    Change the choice without discussing it

    Let them eat steak and salmon

  • Post # 32
    Member
    5360 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Zhabeego:  That seems like a recipe for disaster to me. The parents will start arguing with the staff, the staff and/or the parents will take it up with the bride & groom, who will then either have to admit to changing the request without notifying the parents or lie in front of the staff that KNOWS they knew what was happening. 

    Clarify that they knew there was a children’s option. Maybe ask if there’s a different children’s option that the kids would prefer. But overall, unless you put “Children will be given a children’s meal” on your RSVP card, you’re kind of screwed. You offered an “option” and that’s what it is… optional. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @ms.melli:  you would be offended? That seems a little excessive. Lots of kids don’t touch half of what’s on their plate, I don’t blame OP for not wanting to serve six year olds steak. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Zhabeego:  Hm…fair point. 🙂 

     

    For other couples who are having a kid’s menu and planning / budgeting for all of the kids to choose that option, do you think there’s a way of marking it so that the full sized / adult foods aren’t available to them? I know that a lot of times on here, couples are overwhelmed by invited guests adding a +1, or trying to prevent guests from bringing all seven kids and 72 grand kids. So they put the specific guests’ names on the invitation / RSVP card and putting “We have reserved two seats for you and a guest. __ / 2 attending”. Do you think that doing that for the kid’s menu would work? Like…we’re inviting all four of you, and we’ve got some pretty awesome adult foods for the grown ups, and we’ve taken the liberty of helping you out by marking the kid’s menu for the number of kids invited, please choose your grownup-food choices?

    Post # 35
    Member
    7550 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I agree with PPs, let them have steak and salmon, they might not like the children’s option, or their parents might want them to have something healthier. Perhaps ask your caterer if you can get children sized portions of the steak and salmon for a cheaper price than the adult size?

    Post # 36
    Member
    2265 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @MexiPino:  You might be right but honestly, I think a parent would have to be an abslute cretin to argue with the wait staff let alone bug the bride and groom over their kid not getting a steak.  I mean, they’re at a hosted party – not a restaurant.  I was thinking they would be mature and gracious enough to accept that kids were getting a kids meal and just deal. 

    Maybe I’m way overestimating people’s ability to keep a sane perspective and behave nicely though. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    5360 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Zhabeego:  LOL I seriously would have assumed it was fine except I’ve read too many horror stories on the ‘bee. I now assume every wedding guest has a high probability of being insane. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    2265 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @MexiPino:  LOL.  You’re right!  I can’t argue with that. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    7225 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Wait.

     

    You give people options and then are upset when they choose an option?

     

    The children’s menue is just that, an option. You cannot force people to eat off a particular option.

     

    If money was an issue, you should have thought of that beforehand and specifically stated that children will be getting the children’s menu only, or chosen cheaper options so people could, I don’t know, choose what they want to eat.

     

    Not all children want chicken nuggets and french fries. Some want a good steak.

    ETA: In response to a previous poster, who said simply deny the children and tell the waitstaff to serve them a children’s menu..

    I would be absolutely appauled if you did this to my children. If we ordered something and you gave us something else despite our requests, I would take my family, and I would leave. It isn’t a matter of “You’re getting upset over food?” It’s a matter of you expect me and my family to come to your wedding to celebrate your choices on your day and you can’t even respect the barest of requests for us, your guests.

    Absolutely not.

    If there is an allergen problem in the children’s menu vs regular menu and you serve a child something they’ll have a reaction to?

    Unacceptable.

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @court0513:  Hm…to bring up the kid’s option, what if you said, “I just wanted to check with you to see what size portion the kids would like. We recently spoke to our caterer and found out that there’s the regular (adult) portion, or the smaller kid’s portion, like the amount they would get ordering the (insert whatever food comes in the kid-food option).” It may seem silly, but a lot of kids are conditioned to “clean their plates” and to compensate for the idea of “eating what they’re served”, parents give them smaller portions of the same meal so that the kids aren’t overeating, even on the good stuff. This might flip a switch in their brains and they’ll say, “Oh! I didn’t choose the kid’s option? I’m sorry! I thought I was ordering the kid-sized plate!” And then you can say, “Oh, yeah! We are offering XYZ in case the kids aren’t crazy about the steak / salmon option.” And they’ll so, “Oh, my gosh! They’d love that even more! Can we change to that?” 

     

    Or, they’ll say, “Kid-sized portions of steak and salmon would be great! Thanks so much!” And then when they get full plates they’ll just assume there was an upgrade or a communication error on the caterer’s end or, worst of all, that you just plain forgot to switch it to the smaller portion.

    Post # 41
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Zhabeego:  “Maybe I’m way overestimating people’s ability to keep a sane perspective and behave nicely though.” Yes. 😀

    Post # 42
    Member
    1087 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @court0513:  I bet you can tell your caterer it’s “kid’s size portions” and they will plate a smaller amount (and charge you less). As a kid, I always prefered adult food to fried chicken fingers, burgers, or God knows what else…

    Post # 43
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Zhabeego:  I know this is going against popular opinion, but I have to agree.

    I know how expensive weddings are. Even though I’m the type who wants my family to eat as healthy and whole as possible, I couldn’t fathom having a six year old eat salmon or steak. I have never met a child who could eat those portions anyway. And I have taught all elementary grades, prekindergarten to sixth grade.

    I know some people will say, “I know lots of kids who could eat that!” I don’t. And I’ve taught over 300 kids. Only a few of them were able to eat big portion. Most of them used to throw half their lunches away. At holiday parties, where mothers brought in food or we had catering, the kids would eat half a plate and be full.

    A wedding is ONE day. Surely a child can eat chicken fingers or grilled cheese for ONE meal in their entire lifetime? Maybe I’m the only one who thinks about the cost for other people, but I would choose the children’s option for my child, and if they didn’t want to eat it, I’d switch my plate with theirs, and I’d eat it. I just can’t fathom someone paying up to $100 for my child. Yes, I think it’s rude, especially when the in-laws won’t even rent a tux because they’re cheap.

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    1082 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Guests are guests, even when they are children.

    Lots of parents don’t make special food for their children.  They eat what their parents eat and learn to like real food (not processed “child food”) at a young age.  It’s the norm in countries outside the US and is what I plan on doing when I have kids.

    You might be able to get a smaller portion at a reduced price for kids, if that is your concern.  Talk to you caterer. 

    I don’t think you have to worry about “the word spreading.”  People don’t usually talk about what meal they requested on their RSVP cards. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1988 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    What is your kid option?

     

    I have never eaten off the kids menu at a restaurant in my life.  At 6 years old I was eating steak, fish, shrimp, lobster, etc.  Not all kids are picky and will leave behind the meal untouched.  The parents probably picked the steak and salmon because they knew their kids would like it and may not want the mystery kid option.

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I would polietly and non confrontationally clarify with the parents. “Hi there. I am just sorting through the RSVPs and I wanted to confirm that Jonny and Sally want the Steak and Salmon rather than the chicken tenders and fries. Is that correct?”

    You can’t really fault anyone for chosing a preferred food when you asked for their preference. I understand that its more expensive but you made the offer. My child is 4. He has always eaten a healthy diet and typically prefers healthier options. If I asked him what he wanted right now, he may or may not opt for the fried food. If we were guests at your wedding and the servers automatically brought him the childs meal and it wasn’t something he had requested, then I wouldn’t make him eat it, especially if the child’s option was something unhealthy and fried like tenders. I wouldn’t want to cause a scene at such an an event, but most likely I would give him my meal and then you’re just wasting money because those chicken tenders would be thrown away untouched.

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