(Closed) Should children get to eat that? (closed)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should we do
    Tell them no : (81 votes)
    24 %
    Change the choice without discussing it : (80 votes)
    24 %
    Let them eat steak and salmon : (178 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Hyperventilate:  The hosts are within their rights to have a menu specifically for children. 

    If a guest contacts them and lets them know their their kid is allergic to what is being offered, I’m sure the hosts would be more than happy to provide another option to accommodate the allergy.  That accommodation could be offering the steak or another children’s option. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    On one hand, I ate regular food when I was a kid… the same thing my parents ate, whether it was salmon, steak, chicken, lasagna, rice, salad, I even loved broccoli. So if I got chicken fingers and my mom got salmon, I would have been eating off her plate. Not saying I didn’t like chicken fingers, though. 

    On the other hand, I am now a vegetarian (despite my chicken finger-eating childhood self) and we are not giving people a choice of entrees– just serving one vegetarian entree option that we hope everyone will like. So, really its your wedding, and people will likely be happy with whatever they get– when it comes down to the meal, its YOUR choice what to serve people. That being said, if the parents remember what they ordered for their kids and they get something different, they might be slightly miffed. I would go with what other people said and just give them the adult option, in a child-sized portion to keep costs down. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    3294 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Zhabeego:  But even you yourself refer to the choices as options.  So how can someone be impolite to pick an option, any option? 

    The hosts made it clear there was a child option.  Some children will be super pumped about that, others will prefer something else. 

    If the hosts wanted to make sure that any and all children would get a child’s meal then they shouldn’t have given options.  When you give a choice, you have to be prepared for everyone to pick what they set fit regardless of how you feel about it.

    Post # 65
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @Zhabeego:  “it’s one meal” and “they’ll live” doesn’t make something offensive no longer offensive. It’s not rude to have child-size portions for children, but if the nutritional quality of the food for children is lower than that for adults, I disagree that it is not rude. I am not a parent yet but I won’t feed my chidren junk food (processed chicken sticks or something) so it would basically mean my Fiance and I would have to divide up our own portions to feed the kids out of it, and as a result, not get a full meal ourselves. We would consider that rude.

    Just because a child cannot speak up or doesn’t even necessarily realize he/she has been short changed is no reason to short change him/her.

    Post # 66
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2008

    If you gave them an option, you kinda have to be okay with what they choose. If you’d wanted children to only eat off the children’s menu, that should have specified previously. I personally woud want my kid to have something besides nuggets and french fries, and he’s 3. I understand your frustration since you’re trying to stick to a budget, but I’m sure some or most kids would eat of the kids menu at your wedding. I think it’s not a good idea to just change it without talking to them though, when they clearly chose steak and salmon. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    3294 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Zhabeego:  Children are not adults.  It irks me when indulgent parents insist that their children be accommodated all the rights and priviliges of being an adult but are offended at the suggestion their children be expected bear any of the responsibilities, obligations or behavior standards of an adult.


    Then that is what hosts should say to people.  We are discriminating by age and everyone under 18 will get a child meal.  Not saying “well children eat only a small amount and I’m not paying 100 bucks for Johnny to eat 1/4 of the plate”.  Cause if that’s the case, then small eaters, seniors, people with dentures, people with eating disorders should also be assigned the kids meal.

    I also think that at a wedding children ARE and should be expected to display adult behaviour.  No running, no shreiking, sit still, dress up, all things expected of adults at formal functions. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    I don’t understand what the issue is.

    The child is an invited guest, just like the adults you invited. Why can’t they choose the meal they want? If the children are going to be treated like second class guests, they why even invite them? Have an adults only reception instead.

     

    Post # 70
    Member
    8439 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Zhabeego:  I hardly think eating a steak or salmon is an “adult” privilege.  You are correct, the hosts of the reception are more than welcome to have a children’s menu, in which case the invitation should have stated that children must order from said menu.  Since it was presented as an option, it’d be rude for the bride to not honor the request.  It’s like ordering a steak, you have an option of the temp (rare, med, well, etc), and chances are if it is different from your request, you’d be upset and send it back.

    Post # 71
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @andielovesj:  Last time I’m going to clarity. 

    If the invitation indicated there was a menu specifically for the children attending, then I think it rude to ask for the adult menu.

    If the children’s menu were simply one of the possible options, then its not rude to select your preference.

    In the OP, she clearly intended to serve children a different menu than the adults.  That her guests chose the adult menu could have been an innocent misuderstanding of her intention or it could have been an intentional and rude disregard of the hospitality she was offering.

    There are several ways the OP could handle this:

    She could ask her caterer to provide child sized portions of the adult choices which I think is an excellent idea.

    If that is still too expensive or she simply doesn’t want to do that, then I think it would be fine for her to contact her in-laws, apologize for the misunderstanding and explain that they are offering a special menu for the kids. 

    If there is an allergy concern, the parents tell her then and they can find a mutually agreeable solution. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    3294 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Bostongrl25:  Agree.  You cannot pick a group and assign them a meal.  Like the seniors example above.  Can you imagine the response if someone decided to feed overweight guests a diet meal?  And someone responded with “There was a special diet meal for fat people” 

    Post # 73
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @andielovesj:  The thought that children aren’t deserving of high quality food because they don’t behave socially like adults is very disturbing to me.

    You should also be aware that teens actually require more food than adults, so giving them children’s sized portions is not kind. Never mind insulting to them… have you forgotten what being a teen felt like? Smaller portions for children is reasonable, but once puberty strikes, their needs are very different. I would not recommend smaller portions for anyone over the age of 10.

    Post # 74
    Member
    3294 posts
    Sugar bee

    @joya_aspera:  You and I are on the same team.  I don’t know if your response was not meant for me.  I think kids should be able to eat what they like when given an option.  And that hosts cannot and should no discriminate on any group/age range.

    Post # 75
    Member
    3294 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Zhabeego:  Well based on the OP “We wanted to offer a nice menu so we picked Salmon, Steak, Chicken, Veggie and a childrens option.”  It was clearly an OPTION. 

    So the guests did not do anything impolite in this case.

     

    Post # 76
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @andielovesj:  Agreed.

    Why present the option of a choice if it is only an illusion?

    If children under 10 were going to be given a children’s plate then the RSVP card should clearly indicate there will be a children’s plate for children under that age, not the option of a children’s plate.

    The topic ‘Should children get to eat that? (closed)’ is closed to new replies.

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