(Closed) Should DH’s reluctance be concerning?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Since we won’t grow a pair and talk to his parents, just continue to not go around them, and any time he brings it up, tell him until he talks to his parents, you will have no part in seeing them.

 

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

That would really bother me – but more so the fact that his parents are being so snotty. I mean they dont have to like you but freaking grow up and act like an adult and deal with being in your presence ya know? My sisters boyfriend was not liked by most of my family (for good reason) but over the years we have grown accustomed to him and while im still not sold, or his biggest fan I treat him with respect and kindness, and its not being fake, this man is part of our family now (they have a baby) whether we like it or not so I personally am going to try and make the most of it.

But if i were in your position i would def expect my husband to push for me but at the same time (without knowing much backstory), his family is your family now – have you tried reaching out to them?

Post # 6
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Does he not want to stop seeing them?

Post # 8
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Just_Squeeze: yeah I’m right there with you on this. DH’s parents (his step mom and dad) just don’t like me for reason’s that they made up out of nowhere. So everytime we see them, they are cold and flat out rude to me. I’ve told Darling Husband it really bothers me but I don’t want Darling Husband to talk to them without me there…I need some solid reasoning, not just assumptions that they make to why they are like this to me. So finally, we’ve both decided to go to dinner together and hash it out. Not in their home. Not in ours. In a public place where we hope the will behave in a civil manner.

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Tell him there are 6 billion people on this planet he can’t make them all happy. So he should focus on you and him. His parents are living their lives how they want, so the two of you should do the same and his parents will either get on board or be in the back ground. 

 

I know how he feels I am the exact same way, but after a certain amount of time you really have to just tell the ‘folk’s how you feel, defend your significant other and get on with life.

Dont let yourself slide into depression with this, talk with him calmy and openly, tell him completely honestly how you are feeling. 

He also needs to look at himself and figure out why it is he is so afraid of dealing with his parents. Its been 5 years and my mother dislikes Fiance for no other reason than she can’t control him. She treats me like crap and is really rude to me and that has been going on for a long time, but today I am going to talk to her and its going to be either things change or I am exiled from the family.

 

Its terrirfying but it needs to be done. Especially before she ruins our wedding.

Good luck, and I know you are already being really patient, but it takes a long time to break a life time of habits towards your parents. He will get there.

But don’t let it get you down, and be really open and calm with your SO. 

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Tell him there are 6 billion people on this planet he can’t make them all happy. So he should focus on you and him. His parents are living their lives how they want, so the two of you should do the same and his parents will either get on board or be in the back ground. 

 

I know how he feels I am the exact same way, but after a certain amount of time you really have to just tell the ‘folk’s how you feel, defend your significant other and get on with life.

Dont let yourself slide into depression with this, talk with him calmy and openly, tell him completely honestly how you are feeling. 

He also needs to look at himself and figure out why it is he is so afraid of dealing with his parents. Its been 5 years and my mother dislikes Fiance for no other reason than she can’t control him. She treats me like crap and is really rude to me and that has been going on for a long time, but today I am going to talk to her and its going to be either things change or I am exiled from the family.

 

Its terrirfying but it needs to be done. Especially before she ruins our wedding.

Good luck, and I know you are already being really patient, but it takes a long time to break a life time of habits towards your parents. He will get there.

But don’t let it get you down, and be really open and calm with your SO. 

Post # 11
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

opps double post my bad

Post # 13
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hear you on this.  My huband is also the super non-confrontational type.  We had a problem earlier in our relationship with his roomate being really truly horrible to me, and all I wanted him to do was to say something to her, since I knew she would listen to him.  (She would never have  been capable of having a reasonable conversation with me, and was totally happy to continue making my life a living hell.)  I’d like to say that Darling Husband did a complete 180 and stood up for me to his roomate, but what actually happened was something in between.  He got a little bit better at speaking up after I harped on the issue for ages, and I got a little better at understanding that he’s never going to be the confrontational type and that confrontation is really hard for him for good reasons. 

So I guess this isn’t really helpful advice, except to say that you and your husband obviously love each other, and I’m sure you’ll eventually come to some sort of understanding that may involve him standing up for you, but may also involve you coming to terms with the fact that this is his personality, and everyone has flaws. 

Post # 14
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

The hardest part about this is that you didn’t actually DO anything, so it’s pretty hard to mend something where nothing is actually wrong

 

Post # 15
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Just_Squeeze: Hopefully within this next month – I was waiting for the next incident when they acted poorly but Darling Husband said if it bothers me then it bothers him and it needs to be addressed now…but I feel like he’s just saying that. He’s very defensive of his family so I hope it goes smoothly too.

Has your Darling Husband acted upset about what they’ve done??

Oneeleven is right though, I’ve even thought…well what’s the point in trying to make this better if DH’s parents are just literally making up reasons to not like me.

The topic ‘Should DH’s reluctance be concerning?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors